Welcome to Episode 29 of Touched Out! A Mental Health Podcast for Parents.
Join us as we explore the inspiring journey of a commercial photographer from Vancouver Island who overcame significant health challenges through powerlifting and a low-carb diet. Ali shares her story of transformation, parenting, and finding strength.
Ali's Transformation: Powerlifting and Weight Loss
Ali's incredible journey involves losing over 140 pounds and embracing a low-carb lifestyle. Hear how she navigated these changes while parenting two brilliant daughters and how her new strength has positively impacted her life.
Triumphs in Parenting and Self-Acceptance
Discover the impressive achievements of Ali's eldest daughter in robotics and engineering. Ali discusses the importance of self-acceptance and building physical and mental resilience, both for herself and her children.
Navigating Relationships and Public Perception
Our host shares candid reflections on the complexities of relationships, including differing beliefs on religion, LGBTQ+ issues, and COVID-19. Hear about her tumultuous divorce, postpartum challenges, and the journey to finding new love and self-esteem.
Teenage Crushes, Music, and Modern Parenting
Take a nostalgic trip through memories of punk concerts, teenage antics, and the anxieties of parenting in today's world. This episode explores the influence of ADHD, childhood traumas, and societal biases, all set against the backdrop of the enduring power of music and memories.
Join the Conversation
Tune in to hear Ali's inspiring story and explore the joys and challenges of parenting, relationships, and self-discovery. Follow us on social media and share your thoughts on this episode.
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Stay tuned for more insights, tips and personal stories on parenting and mental health.
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00:00:01 --> 00:00:04 <v Carter>We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land.
00:00:04 --> 00:00:15 <v Carter>We pay our respects to the Elders past, present and emerging, for they hold the memories, the traditions and the culture of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people across the nation.
00:00:15 --> 00:00:28 <v Carter>Warning this podcast contains explicit language and discusses sensitive topics related to mental health childhood trauma, birth trauma, abuse, miscarriage and suicide.
00:00:28 --> 00:00:30 <v Carter>Listener discretion is advised.
00:00:30 --> 00:00:37 <v Carter>If you find these subjects distressing or triggering, we recommend taking caution and considering whether to proceed with listening.
00:00:37 --> 00:00:43 <v Carter>If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted individual for support.
00:00:43 --> 00:00:45 <v Carter>Your wellbeing is our priority.
00:00:46 --> 00:00:48 <v Carter>Welcome to another episode of the Touched Out podcast.
00:00:48 --> 00:00:51 <v Carter>Today we have Ali from Vancouver Island.
00:00:51 --> 00:00:58 <v Carter>Ali shares her incredible journey through mental health, a messy divorce, weight loss and parenting two girls, which is nothing short of inspiring.
00:00:58 --> 00:01:05 <v Carter>Throughout the episode, you will hear us discuss Ali being a host for a true crime podcast, which is no longer the case.
00:01:05 --> 00:01:07 <v Carter>Full disclosure, as Ali and I both have ADHD.
00:01:07 --> 00:01:14 <v Carter>The conversation takes us on a nostalgic trip through our teenage years and our shared love for punk and pop punk bands.
00:01:14 --> 00:01:16 <v Carter>I hope you enjoy today's episode.
00:01:24 --> 00:01:25 <v Speaker 2>Cheers.
00:01:25 --> 00:01:39 <v Speaker 2>So take a breath from everything right here and Take some time, it's alright, you'll be fine.
00:01:39 --> 00:01:42 <v Speaker 2>After touch of a cat.
00:01:42 --> 00:01:53 <v Speaker 2>Take all night, you'll be fine, it's all right.
00:01:53 --> 00:01:54 <v Speaker 2>The Touched Up Podcast.
00:01:56 --> 00:01:58 <v Carter>So today we have Ali.
00:01:58 --> 00:02:02 <v Carter>Ali is 41, a mother of two from Vancouver.
00:02:02 --> 00:02:07 <v Carter>She is the co-host of the murder podcast.
00:02:07 --> 00:02:09 <v Carter>That's so Fucked Up, tsfu.
00:02:09 --> 00:02:13 <v Carter>Thanks so much for joining me today, ali, how are you going?
00:02:13 --> 00:02:15 <v Ali>Hello, thanks for having me so excited.
00:02:17 --> 00:02:17 <v Carter>Awesome.
00:02:17 --> 00:02:24 <v Carter>So why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself, a little bit about your history and why you've decided to join me today?
00:02:25 --> 00:02:29 <v Ali>Okay, so I'm actually from Vancouver Island, british Columbia, which is very different than Vancouver.
00:02:29 --> 00:02:35 <v Ali>So Vancouver is like the big city and I'm on an island near there and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere.
00:02:35 --> 00:02:42 <v Ali>We have well, I mean, compared to places in Australia, not the middle of nowhere, but like we have a gas station slash barbershop.
00:02:42 --> 00:02:44 <v Ali>That's all we got in my town, so it's very small.
00:02:45 --> 00:02:45 <v Carter>Like in one building.
00:02:45 --> 00:02:48 <v Carter>Yeah, that's fucking ghetto.
00:02:48 --> 00:02:48 <v Ali>It's so small.
00:02:48 --> 00:02:54 <v Ali>It's so small, but I live about a half an hour from like a real town and I've lived here for about seven years.
00:02:54 --> 00:03:04 <v Ali>I'm a commercial photographer, so I am the creative director of a magazine, so I do all the photography for that, and I also have a portrait studio where I specialize in like newborn and family photography.
00:03:04 --> 00:03:11 <v Ali>I've lost a fuck ton of weight, which is kind of how we know each other from Instagram, so I started my weight loss journey.
00:03:11 --> 00:03:13 <v Ali>That sounds so cheesy, but you know what I'm saying.
00:03:14 --> 00:03:14 <v Carter>He's one of these.
00:03:15 --> 00:03:28 <v Ali>I know, right About five years ago, when I was just like woke up one day and I was just really sad and sick and I just was like I'm ready to die, like I was what, like 36 years old, and I was like, is this my life, is this it?
00:03:28 --> 00:03:36 <v Ali>And I had to go check my mail and my mailbox was like three blocks away and I was like out of breath and I could hardly walk and I was like I'm done.
00:03:36 --> 00:03:47 <v Ali>So I decided to try going low carb and I started doing low carb and then I started feeling better, started walking, started feeling better, and now I just got a new coach for powerlifting and I weightlift.
00:03:47 --> 00:03:49 <v Ali>So awesome, yeah.
00:03:49 --> 00:03:57 <v Ali>And so, along with like the physical transformation, there's been like a huge mental transformation as well, and life is getting pretty fucking good.
00:03:57 --> 00:04:02 <v Carter>Would you be happy to divulge the starting weight versus current weight?
00:04:03 --> 00:04:13 <v Ali>Oh sure, so my starting weight, well, and also like I'm a thick bitch, I'm still a big girl, but I people are usually shocked I'll say I'll say pant sizes to start with.
00:04:13 --> 00:04:23 <v Ali>So I was at a size like 30, 32, like I'm not talking like a men's 30, I'm talking a women's 30 32, and now I'm like a 14.
00:04:23 --> 00:04:32 <v Ali>So my original weight was 370 pounds and I'm now I kind of fluctuate between like 220 and 230.
00:04:32 --> 00:04:33 <v Ali>And I know that's not.
00:04:33 --> 00:04:35 <v Ali>I'm 510, though I'm very tall and I am very muscular.
00:04:35 --> 00:04:37 <v Ali>So, yeah, I'm about a size 12.
00:04:37 --> 00:04:38 <v Ali>I'm 14.
00:04:38 --> 00:04:41 <v Ali>I'm super fucking happy with where I am with my body right now.
00:04:41 --> 00:04:54 <v Ali>I did have skin removal surgery a couple of years ago and I went to a surgeon and he wanted me to lose an additional 70 pounds and I was like I would be literally skin and bones and I wouldn't be happy.
00:04:54 --> 00:04:56 <v Ali>And I was like, no, I like, I like my curves.
00:04:56 --> 00:05:00 <v Ali>And he was like, really Like he was shocked and I was like, no, I'm like, I'm really happy with how I look now.
00:05:01 --> 00:05:05 <v Carter>So yeah, Doctors are so good at showing that the sexism aren't they?
00:05:05 --> 00:05:12 <v Ali>Yeah, Like I was like he, I think he primarily worked on like Barbie dolls, which like, no hate, good for you, but that's never going to be me.
00:05:12 --> 00:05:19 <v Ali>And I heard something on TikTok and it was like you can't train a German shepherd into a chihuahua, and so I'm.
00:05:19 --> 00:05:26 <v Ali>My goal now for my body is just like being stronger, lifting heavier, being happier, and that's about it as far as my like.
00:05:26 --> 00:05:28 <v Ali>Health and weight loss Awesome.
00:05:29 --> 00:05:31 <v Carter>Kicking goals both physically and mentally.
00:05:31 --> 00:05:33 <v Carter>Good to hear.
00:05:33 --> 00:05:37 <v Carter>So you've got two daughters, 15 years old and 12 years old.
00:05:37 --> 00:05:46 <v Carter>Why don't you run me through a little bit about your parenting history, the pregnancy stories, the birth stories?
00:05:47 --> 00:05:49 <v Ali>You know all of that's kind of.
00:05:49 --> 00:05:52 <v Ali>My kids are so old now that's all so blurry.
00:05:52 --> 00:05:54 <v Ali>But, well, I had been with my ex.
00:05:54 --> 00:05:59 <v Ali>I'm going through a divorce currently, but I'd been with my ex since I was 14.
00:05:59 --> 00:06:02 <v Ali>And it wasn't a great relationship.
00:06:02 --> 00:06:06 <v Ali>It wasn't bad at first, but it just wasn't great.
00:06:06 --> 00:06:08 <v Ali>It wasn't happy, it wasn't healthy.
00:06:08 --> 00:06:10 <v Ali>It was very codependent.
00:06:10 --> 00:06:24 <v Ali>But I was quite big then and I was kind of like growing up in the 90s you're taught that men only want really skinny women, like that's what I, and so I would have people be like, wow, you're so lucky you got him.
00:06:24 --> 00:06:30 <v Ali>Looking at me and I was like, so that was my mentality, was like, well, at least I have someone.
00:06:30 --> 00:06:33 <v Ali>I'm not going to get anyone else, so at least I have someone.
00:06:33 --> 00:06:34 <v Ali>So it wasn't like a super happy relationship.
00:06:34 --> 00:06:39 <v Ali>And then we had our first daughter when I was 25.
00:06:39 --> 00:06:47 <v Ali>And he kind of just started working a lot and it was just kind of me and my daughter and my daughter's a genius, like I'm not, like I'm not.
00:06:47 --> 00:06:50 <v Ali>She was reading, or sorry, she was talking at nine months.
00:06:50 --> 00:06:53 <v Ali>She was reading at two and a half and now she's graduating about two years early.
00:06:53 --> 00:06:57 <v Ali>She she specialized the past four years in robotics and engineering.
00:06:57 --> 00:07:01 <v Ali>So she went to a special school, starting in sixth grade for robotics and engineering.
00:07:01 --> 00:07:04 <v Ali>She looks like an anime character and she's fucking brilliant.
00:07:04 --> 00:07:13 <v Ali>She would like to be either a biomedical engineer or mechanical engineer, but she's also really interested in hydrogen fusion.
00:07:13 --> 00:07:15 <v Ali>Is that the good one?
00:07:15 --> 00:07:16 <v Ali>Yes, hydrogen fusion.
00:07:16 --> 00:07:18 <v Ali>And when she talks I have no idea what she's talking about.
00:07:19 --> 00:07:25 <v Ali>And then, when she was three, I had my second daughter and she just makes me laugh more than any child in the world.
00:07:25 --> 00:07:28 <v Ali>She's super sporty, she's super athletic nothing that I ever was.
00:07:28 --> 00:07:32 <v Ali>She's one of the seriously one of the funniest kids in the world.
00:07:32 --> 00:07:34 <v Ali>She's super sarcastic and brilliant in her own.
00:07:34 --> 00:07:39 <v Ali>She's not super into school but she's, I think, to be like, incredibly funny.
00:07:39 --> 00:07:43 <v Ali>You obviously have to be very intelligent and she's just so quick, witted and hilarious.
00:07:43 --> 00:07:54 <v Ali>So, yeah, I split up with their dad almost four years ago and that's kind of when I started to get happier, and so it's just kind of been me and the girls for the past few years.
00:07:54 --> 00:08:00 <v Ali>He's around, but it's still me primarily parenting them and they're awesome.
00:08:00 --> 00:08:01 <v Ali>They're amazing.
00:08:01 --> 00:08:04 <v Ali>My younger daughter and I were kind of famous over lockdown.
00:08:04 --> 00:08:08 <v Ali>I think I showed you some of the images of creating pop culture images.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:12 <v Ali>I don't know if you want to share any of those on your social, but feel free to, because they're hilarious.
00:08:13 --> 00:08:15 <v Carter>They are very cool, very, very creative.
00:08:15 --> 00:08:16 <v Ali>Yeah, so I used.
00:08:16 --> 00:08:30 <v Ali>When lockdown started I went to my photography studio and I grabbed a bunch of gear and I brought it home and so during lockdown we just recreated images of like that's kind of how we stayed sane and yeah, it was super fun.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:33 <v Ali>And then we were even contacted by the Ellen show.
00:08:33 --> 00:08:35 <v Carter>We don't talk about hair anymore, though, do we?
00:08:36 --> 00:08:40 <v Ali>No, well, it's funny because they like literally wanted emotion porn, I think it's what it's called.
00:08:40 --> 00:08:42 <v Ali>So they were like are you going to lose your house?
00:08:42 --> 00:08:43 <v Ali>Are you like destitute, are you?
00:08:43 --> 00:08:45 <v Ali>And I was like no, I'm like, I'm.
00:08:45 --> 00:08:46 <v Ali>Canadian, so we get Serb.
00:08:46 --> 00:08:47 <v Ali>We got like.
00:08:47 --> 00:08:49 <v Ali>And then they were like oh okay, nevermind.
00:08:49 --> 00:08:52 <v Ali>Like they wanted a really sad story and I didn't have it.
00:08:52 --> 00:08:53 <v Ali>So everyone's like why didn't you lie?
00:08:53 --> 00:08:55 <v Ali>And I'm like cause I believe in karma.
00:08:56 --> 00:09:01 <v Carter>Yeah, the media is is.
00:09:01 --> 00:09:15 <v Carter>So just finished up a campaign for Men's Mental Health Week and I had a film crew come to my house and like film this awesome segment with me talking about my experience with postpartum depression and it was like five minutes of footage.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:45 <v Carter>And then one national news station decided to run the story but only use like three seconds of my footage and it was just like this footage that said I was really scared that I was going to hurt my kids and they're like he was scared that he was going to hurt his kids and I was like, oh you motherfuckers yeah, yeah, yeah it's yeah, taken out of context and sensationalized yeah, so that was sucky and I got like the the statistics of how far those stories reached after the campaign.
00:09:45 --> 00:09:47 <v Carter>It was like 52 million people.
00:09:47 --> 00:09:48 <v Carter>It was the reach.
00:09:48 --> 00:09:51 <v Carter>No, I'm like there's so many people in australia.
00:09:51 --> 00:09:57 <v Carter>I fucking wanted to hurt my kids oh my god, that's horrible that's fine.
00:09:57 --> 00:10:10 <v Carter>I'm living my own truth, right of course and I'm a glutton for punishment too, because I've just been offered the chance to go on another fucking news show to do another story on postpartum.
00:10:10 --> 00:10:12 <v Carter>But this time I'm like, oh, I'm ready for them.
00:10:12 --> 00:10:14 <v Carter>I'm going to choose my words carefully.
00:10:15 --> 00:10:17 <v Ali>You have your sound bites already pre-programmed in your head.
00:10:17 --> 00:10:20 <v Carter>Yeah, I'll have it all written out, yeah.
00:10:20 --> 00:10:23 <v Ali>Yeah, yeah, so that's kind of a little bit about me.
00:10:25 --> 00:10:27 <v Carter>What, yeah, yeah, so that's kind of a little bit about me, what else you want to know.
00:10:27 --> 00:10:28 <v Carter>I'm an open book for the most part.
00:10:28 --> 00:10:47 <v Carter>So I mean we went through a little bit about your journey on instagram when we were texting back and forth, and I do want to delve into your relationship with your ex a little bit more and kind of the reasons in which that relationship ended and kind of where you're at now versus where he's at now.
00:10:47 --> 00:10:54 <v Carter>As I understand it, he may or may not be part of for lack of a better word a cult.
00:10:55 --> 00:11:21 <v Ali>So I can't like go into too much detail because like we're still in the middle of our divorce, but I'm going to kind of, basically, he grew up in a Christian household and I did not, but I, you know, did the whole thing where on like Friday nights you go to youth group because it was a small town and I was like pretty open to religion and then, through some experiences I had, I just really kind of realized that the idea of organized religion was not for me.
00:11:22 --> 00:11:28 <v Ali>And he was kind of he did his own thing and we had our own point of views and we kind of respect, respected each other.
00:11:28 --> 00:11:31 <v Ali>And then things started to kind of change a little bit in our beliefs.
00:11:31 --> 00:11:42 <v Ali>I am very, very much an ally and I have a lot of queer friends and family, and he very much believes that it's a sin and it's mental health issues are causing this.
00:11:42 --> 00:11:54 <v Ali>And and then I just I think it was around the same time where I just realized like this relationship was not ever a really I don't even know how to word it we seemed more like roommates.
00:11:54 --> 00:12:05 <v Ali>Our entire relationship, like there was not a lot of like romance or spark or anything, and I just really realized that I wanted more and we, our views and our beliefs, just didn't align.
00:12:06 --> 00:12:32 <v Ali>And during that time was when he started to get into some online forums that may involve conspiracies and things, and then, especially with COVID, and when COVID hit and different, different beliefs around the vaccine and about the I we had very, very different viewpoints and he went one way, and I'm not extreme in any way.
00:12:32 --> 00:12:45 <v Ali>I have friends who their husband died from COVID and he was a happy, healthy, he wasn't especially old, and so I know it was real and he was telling me it wasn't and it's not a big issue, and I just didn't have the same beliefs as him.
00:12:45 --> 00:13:18 <v Ali>And so it know it was real and he was telling me it wasn't and it's not a big issue, and I just didn't have the same beliefs as him, and so it was about that time we were starting to break up anyway and I think the combination of lockdown, covid and our relationship splitting up he very much delved into online groups and I didn't, and he definitely has different viewpoints and I didn't, and he definitely has different viewpoints about men and women's relationships and what rights women should have and what beliefs women should have, and you know that when you enter into a marriage, you have entered into a covenant with God, which means you're married until one of you is dead.
00:13:18 --> 00:13:28 <v Ali>And I don't necessarily have the same beliefs, so it's definitely been very, very challenging, and probably once my divorce is fully finalized I can go into more detail.
00:13:28 --> 00:13:31 <v Ali>But it's been difficult, to say the least.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:38 <v Ali>But in that time I've met a new partner and it made me realize how relationships should be.
00:13:39 --> 00:13:40 <v Ali>Can I tell you the story of how we met?
00:13:40 --> 00:13:41 <v Carter>Please, please do.
00:13:43 --> 00:13:51 <v Ali>So I'd only ever dated my ex and and I literally thought like no man would ever be interested in me, because my brain was like fucked up and I have really low self-esteem.
00:13:51 --> 00:14:00 <v Ali>And I was sitting at a river with some friends and our kids were swimming and I look up on this cliff and I see like this, the most handsome man I've ever seen, and my heart's like pounding and I'm like, oh my God, who is that?
00:14:00 --> 00:14:01 <v Ali>I smack my friend.
00:14:01 --> 00:14:03 <v Ali>I'm like who the fuck is that?
00:14:03 --> 00:14:10 <v Ali>Because, again, I live in a really small town and he does not look like the guys that live in my town and anyway, I just couldn't stop staring at this guy.
00:14:10 --> 00:14:16 <v Ali>But then, of course, because I have super low self-esteem, I was like, wow, this man's so handsome, he would never be interested in me.
00:14:17 --> 00:14:19 <v Ali>So then I was on a dating app.
00:14:19 --> 00:14:20 <v Ali>You know the dating app.
00:14:20 --> 00:14:29 <v Ali>I was on Tinder and I was talking to a guy in real life, a friend of a friend, and he said I've never seen you on Tinder and I said, well, how old are you?
00:14:29 --> 00:14:30 <v Ali>And he said I'm 27.
00:14:30 --> 00:14:32 <v Ali>I'm like you're a fucking child.
00:14:32 --> 00:14:33 <v Ali>That is why.
00:14:33 --> 00:14:35 <v Ali>And he said, well, what's your age limit?
00:14:35 --> 00:14:37 <v Ali>And I said 35 to 50.
00:14:37 --> 00:14:39 <v Ali>And he was like you should lower your age range.
00:14:39 --> 00:14:41 <v Ali>And I said okay, and I lowered my age range.
00:14:41 --> 00:14:44 <v Ali>And then I woke up the next morning and who had liked me?
00:14:44 --> 00:14:46 <v Ali>But the guy from the river.
00:14:46 --> 00:14:48 <v Ali>And I was like that's the guy.
00:14:48 --> 00:14:49 <v Ali>I know who that guy is.
00:14:49 --> 00:14:55 <v Ali>And then so I swipe on him and I said I've seen you before.
00:14:55 --> 00:14:57 <v Ali>And he goes no, you haven't, I'm not from here, I don't know anyone, you haven't seen me.
00:14:57 --> 00:14:58 <v Ali>And I said I had.
00:14:58 --> 00:15:00 <v Ali>And then I was like this is going to be such a fun hookup, this is.
00:15:05 --> 00:15:07 <v Carter>Awesome, that's super cute.
00:15:07 --> 00:15:10 <v Carter>My wife and I were also a Tinder meetup.
00:15:10 --> 00:15:15 <v Carter>It's a great app if you can just find the right one.
00:15:15 --> 00:15:55 <v Carter>I think nowadays it's a little bit different no-transcript know anyone.
00:15:55 --> 00:15:58 <v Ali>And then, after he met me, he said wait a second, do you know this girl, ali?
00:15:58 --> 00:16:01 <v Ali>And they said yeah, she actually shot us for her magazine.
00:16:01 --> 00:16:03 <v Ali>So then he was like oh my god, you know her.
00:16:03 --> 00:16:06 <v Ali>So yeah, it was all I don't know, we'll see.
00:16:06 --> 00:16:08 <v Carter>It's very cute he's absolutely lovely what do you mean?
00:16:08 --> 00:16:10 <v Carter>We'll say Very cute, he's absolutely lovely.
00:16:10 --> 00:16:10 <v Ali>What do you mean?
00:16:10 --> 00:16:10 <v Ali>We'll see.
00:16:10 --> 00:16:11 <v Ali>It's been two and a half years, I think.
00:16:11 --> 00:16:12 <v Ali>We've seen mate.
00:16:12 --> 00:16:14 <v Ali>Yeah, he's absolutely wonderful, or are?
00:16:14 --> 00:16:18 <v Carter>you still a little bit low on the self-esteem and you just keep thinking that it's like a really, really long con.
00:16:19 --> 00:16:20 <v Ali>At times.
00:16:20 --> 00:16:22 <v Ali>Yeah, no, I still definitely.
00:16:22 --> 00:16:24 <v Ali>My self-esteem is not.
00:16:24 --> 00:16:35 <v Ali>It's getting better, but it's like I've grown up my whole life having this perception of myself that only recently I realized is just in my head.
00:16:35 --> 00:16:35 <v Ali>It's not true.
00:16:35 --> 00:16:43 <v Ali>I would be literally at the bar and someone would come up to me and start talking to me and I'd be like they're making fun of me.
00:16:43 --> 00:16:45 <v Ali>This is a prank.
00:16:45 --> 00:16:47 <v Ali>Yeah, that's like still to this day.
00:16:47 --> 00:16:49 <v Ali>That's kind of what happens if someone like hits on me.
00:16:49 --> 00:16:57 <v Ali>I'm like like when I was in high school, I remember a guy coming up and I was wearing a Blink 182 shirt and this is before they were big.
00:16:57 --> 00:16:59 <v Ali>Okay, this was like Cheshire Cat first album.
00:16:59 --> 00:17:01 <v Ali>And this guy was like I like your shirt.
00:17:01 --> 00:17:04 <v Ali>And he was like a football player and I was like fuck you and kept walking.
00:17:04 --> 00:17:09 <v Ali>I like your shirt.
00:17:09 --> 00:17:10 <v Ali>Why would you say that?
00:17:10 --> 00:17:11 <v Carter>to me and I was like I'm sorry.
00:17:11 --> 00:17:14 <v Carter>I thought you were making fun of me, so you are like a female version of me that lives on the other side of the world.
00:17:14 --> 00:17:29 <v Carter>So I've also had the same kind of self-esteem issues where I've you know, I have always kind of struggled to reconcile my own feelings and my own view of myself versus how other people would see me.
00:17:29 --> 00:17:30 <v Ali>And it's only just like.
00:17:30 --> 00:17:34 <v Carter>I'm almost five years into marriage and I still struggle.
00:17:34 --> 00:17:52 <v Carter>It's like peaks and valleys, but my first ever tattoo was a Blink-182 tattoo on my chest and I was walking through the park and one of like the super, super cool like pop punk kids his name's brendan was like are you the dude with the blink 182 tattoo?
00:17:52 --> 00:17:53 <v Carter>And I was just I was.
00:17:53 --> 00:18:11 <v Carter>So I was so wary of of myself and hated myself so much that there was no way in hell that this super popular kid not only knew who I was, but knew that I had a blink 182 tattoo and would actively talk to me in public unless it was making fun of me.
00:18:11 --> 00:18:13 <v Carter>So I turned around and I was like fuck you, motherfucker.
00:18:13 --> 00:18:26 <v Carter>Like I arced up straight away and, yeah, burnt a bridge and I saw him at a tattoo convention, like years later, a decade later, and he's like an established tattoo artist now and he's still super fucking cool.
00:18:26 --> 00:18:29 <v Carter>And he's like what was that about?
00:18:29 --> 00:18:33 <v Carter>And I was just like hey, like hey, man, I'm fucking sorry.
00:18:33 --> 00:18:45 <v Carter>He's like blink 182 was my favorite band and like you were a year or two older than me and like you're the only person I knew in town because this is smallish country town you're the only person I knew with a blink 182 tattoo.
00:18:45 --> 00:18:50 <v Carter>I just I was fucking super keen to talk to you about music and you just like went off at me.
00:18:50 --> 00:19:01 <v Carter>So it's a super weird kind of thing to look back on and realize how you shaped your own existence just based off what you see in the fucking mirror.
00:19:01 --> 00:19:07 <v Ali>I was actually just telling my kids today that when I was in high school there was this boy, this punk boy, and I had the biggest crush on him.
00:19:07 --> 00:19:20 <v Ali>I just thought he I had a boyfriend at the time, but this kid, I thought he was like the coolest, hottest, like my heart would pound, so much so that if I saw him in the hall I would walk the other direction and go around the outside of the school.
00:19:20 --> 00:19:30 <v Ali>So I didn't have to walk by him because I was just like so in love with him and looking back he was like this chubby, nerdy kid with acne and I was like I could have totally just been like hey, do you want to hang out?
00:19:30 --> 00:19:37 <v Ali>And he definitely would have said yes, but in my head I was just like he's so cool and it's so ridiculous looking back.
00:19:39 --> 00:19:47 <v Carter>Yeah, it's geez, looking back at all of those kind of times, especially now that I'm an adult and I have my ADHD and autism diagnosis.
00:19:47 --> 00:19:55 <v Carter>I think back to like all of these fucking really pivotal awkward moments with like dating and first loves and all of that sort of stuff.
00:19:55 --> 00:19:56 <v Carter>I was thinking about it the other day.
00:19:56 --> 00:20:03 <v Carter>There was down the road from my house when I lived with my parents.
00:20:03 --> 00:20:27 <v Carter>I was like 13 years old, I reckon there was a girl named Kate and me and another neighbourhood kid and her and like one of her friends were all like hanging out on her driveway playing, spin the bottle, yeah, and I remember just being like I fucking hope it lands on her, like she's so beautiful, she's so beautiful and I don't think I'd even kissed anyone at that stage and I span it and landed on her.
00:20:34 --> 00:20:55 <v Carter>It and landed on her and I kind of I was so nervous and giddy and like had this big old ball of like nervousness in inside me that it came out of my nose and like this big string of snot came out of my left nostril like dead set down to my belly, and then I was like and just snorted it back up into my nose and she still kissed me.
00:20:55 --> 00:21:00 <v Carter>She didn't even make it like she straight faced, straight face.
00:21:00 --> 00:21:10 <v Carter>And to this day I'm just like I wish I could just find her on social media and be like I know you fucking remember this, because that had to be traumatic for you and I'm really sorry.
00:21:10 --> 00:21:12 <v Carter>Oh my god.
00:21:12 --> 00:21:13 <v Carter>And to this day I'm still just.
00:21:13 --> 00:21:27 <v Ali>I'm so secondhand embarrassed by myself but that's adorable that you have to put that on social media and find her, because just good on her, like thanks for really chopping me out there, kate.
00:21:27 --> 00:21:28 <v Carter>Yeah, if you're listening.
00:21:28 --> 00:21:29 <v Ali>She was.
00:21:29 --> 00:21:31 <v Ali>She knew the assignment.
00:21:31 --> 00:21:32 <v Ali>She understood the assignment.
00:21:32 --> 00:21:33 <v Ali>She was going to get it done.
00:21:34 --> 00:21:37 <v Carter>Yeah, it could have been worse and I could have sucked it through my mouth.
00:21:39 --> 00:21:40 <v Ali>No, then she would have ran, I think.
00:21:41 --> 00:21:41 <v Carter>Yeah, I think so.
00:21:42 --> 00:21:45 <v Ali>I, whenever there was spin the bottle, I would never would play.
00:21:45 --> 00:21:46 <v Ali>I would have never played.
00:21:46 --> 00:21:50 <v Ali>I would have just been like I have to go to the bathroom and I would have just like left.
00:21:50 --> 00:21:51 <v Ali>I'd never.
00:21:51 --> 00:21:54 <v Ali>I was way too insecure and shy.
00:21:54 --> 00:22:06 <v Ali>It's weird, though, talking about because I have teenagers now, right, and they're both well, my older one somewhat, but my younger daughter is so confident, she's so confident.
00:22:06 --> 00:22:13 <v Ali>She had to go to this event at another school and she just like would go up to kids and be like to a girl, be like, oh my God, you're so pretty.
00:22:13 --> 00:22:15 <v Ali>What's your TikTok, do you want to be friends?
00:22:15 --> 00:22:23 <v Ali>And then they're friends, whereas, like, I needed people to like continuously validate me, to know that they actually wanted to be my friend.
00:22:23 --> 00:22:32 <v Ali>And I have another cool parenting story and I don't know if you saw this on my TikTok or on my Instagram about NoFX, the punk band, nofx.
00:22:32 --> 00:22:33 <v Ali>Did you see this whole story?
00:22:33 --> 00:22:39 <v Ali>Okay, so last year, nofx you know NoFX, right, the punk band.
00:22:39 --> 00:22:40 <v Ali>Yeah, okay.
00:22:40 --> 00:22:44 <v Ali>So NoFX was coming to a town near me with the Descendants.
00:22:44 --> 00:22:51 <v Ali>So NoFX is one of my favorite bands growing up and they're my daughter's favorite band my older daughter and Descendants are my favorite band.
00:22:51 --> 00:22:54 <v Ali>So I wanted to go to this show and I was like, oh my God, we're going to.
00:22:54 --> 00:22:59 <v Ali>And it was at a venue that's not a licensed venue so you can have kids there.
00:22:59 --> 00:23:04 <v Ali>But this show happened to be a beer festival, so no kids were allowed in.
00:23:04 --> 00:23:08 <v Ali>I don't know what it's like in Australia, but in Canada you have to be 19 to be in those kinds of events.
00:23:08 --> 00:23:10 <v Ali>So I was like, oh my God, what do I do?
00:23:10 --> 00:23:11 <v Ali>Do I get you a fake ID?
00:23:11 --> 00:23:17 <v Ali>And I almost got her a fake ID because she's like six feet tall and probably could pull it off, but I was like, oh, we both have anxiety.
00:23:17 --> 00:23:22 <v Ali>So instead I went to TikTok and I made a TikTok and I'm like, hey, this is a message for NoFX.
00:23:22 --> 00:23:34 <v Ali>This is my daughter, this is why she's amazing.
00:23:34 --> 00:23:37 <v Ali>She's involved with STEM and engineering and da, da, da, da, da and I a bunch of pictures of her for the past like five years, wearing no effects shirts and she'd done art and all this stuff.
00:23:36 --> 00:23:40 <v Ali>So then I go out for dinner with a friend and all of a sudden I see on my phone Fat Records started following you, no effects started following you and I was like oh my god, what's happening?
00:23:40 --> 00:23:42 <v Ali>The band saw the video.
00:23:42 --> 00:23:45 <v Ali>They're like we're gonna get you backstage and so we're freaking out.
00:23:45 --> 00:23:55 <v Ali>But two days before the show, first of all band announces they're breaking up and then, second of all, the tour manager emails me and said the venue will not let her backstage, she can't go.
00:23:55 --> 00:23:57 <v Ali>So she was heartbroken.
00:23:57 --> 00:24:00 <v Ali>I was like sorry, kid, and I went anyway.
00:24:00 --> 00:24:02 <v Ali>But they are now coming to Tacoma.
00:24:02 --> 00:24:10 <v Ali>So Tacoma is near Seattle Washington, which is about a six or seven hour trip for me and it's an all ages show.
00:24:10 --> 00:24:14 <v Ali>And we talked to the tour manager and we're going on Saturday.
00:24:14 --> 00:24:16 <v Ali>So this Saturday my daughter and I get to go to NoFX together.
00:24:17 --> 00:24:17 <v Carter>Super cool.
00:24:18 --> 00:24:19 <v Ali>Very very cool.
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21 <v Carter>I am incredibly jealous.
00:24:21 --> 00:24:23 <v Carter>I saw NoFX.
00:24:23 --> 00:24:29 <v Carter>When would it have been, I want to say 2012, maybe?
00:24:29 --> 00:24:33 <v Carter>Amazing show, loved it, had such a fun time.
00:24:33 --> 00:24:38 <v Carter>They played with another one of my favourite punk bands of all time.
00:24:38 --> 00:24:40 <v Carter>It's an Australian band called Body Jar.
00:24:40 --> 00:24:41 <v Carter>If you haven't heard of them, check them out.
00:24:41 --> 00:24:45 <v Carter>They are absolutely great, been around for many, many years.
00:24:45 --> 00:25:09 <v Carter>Just like NoFX had an amazing night and I was the next morning I had a game of basketball with my workmates and I blew my knee completely in a half like MCL, acl, meniscus and a fracture, and yeah so I got to see NoFX the night before my life changed and I had to get a knee reco and give up sports.
00:25:09 --> 00:25:10 <v Ali>How is it this?
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11 <v Ali>How is it like today?
00:25:11 --> 00:25:13 <v Ali>Are you, is it better all the way, or is it still giving you?
00:25:13 --> 00:25:14 <v Carter>issues.
00:25:14 --> 00:25:19 <v Carter>My bad knee is now my good knee because I'm 36 years old and still am way more than I should.
00:25:19 --> 00:25:24 <v Carter>So yeah, the reconstructed knee is the good knee now, and I'm just waiting for the other one to go.
00:25:24 --> 00:25:28 <v Carter>My wife's like any fucking day.
00:25:29 --> 00:25:34 <v Ali>We had a German shepherd and we had to have his knee, her knee, replaced and then a couple months later her other knee went.
00:25:34 --> 00:25:36 <v Ali>So you know, that was like my dog.
00:25:36 --> 00:25:47 <v Ali>It's funny talking about punk shows, though, because my kids are like my older daughter especially is like tell me about Warped Tour.
00:25:47 --> 00:25:57 <v Ali>So back in the day, like I went to Warped Tour 95, warped Tour 96, and I would see bands like NoFX, bad Religion, pennywise, blink-182, all of those bands for like $30.
00:25:57 --> 00:26:02 <v Ali>Like you would get a ticket for like $25, $30 and see all your favorite bands, and now tickets for Blink-182 would like start at $400.
00:26:02 --> 00:26:05 <v Ali>It's insane and I feel so bad for these kids.
00:26:05 --> 00:26:11 <v Carter>Yeah, but I guess that's what we had a warped tour here in I don't know what year it was.
00:26:11 --> 00:26:37 <v Carter>I was in year nine at school and like it was a public school and it was like warped tour was like a two-hour drive from our school and for some fucking reason I don't understand how or why or who talked the school into it, but they hired a bus, no, and like on a school day, we were able to buy tickets with parental consent.
00:26:37 --> 00:26:45 <v Carter>Teachers drove a bus to Melbourne to the Warped Tour and they got to just hang out and watch shows.
00:26:45 --> 00:26:54 <v Carter>I didn't get to go because I think I was grounded at the time for being caught with marijuana or some shit, but all my mates went and they said it was the best thing ever.
00:26:55 --> 00:26:56 <v Ali>That's amazing.
00:26:56 --> 00:26:57 <v Ali>Oh, that's so cool.
00:26:57 --> 00:26:58 <v Carter>I don't understand it.
00:26:58 --> 00:27:00 <v Ali>I'm doing a lot of reminiscing today.
00:27:00 --> 00:27:02 <v Ali>I know let's keep talking about old punk shows.
00:27:02 --> 00:27:08 <v Ali>It's funny because when I was in grade eight so I guess year eight is what you'd say I had tickets to Green Day.
00:27:08 --> 00:27:10 <v Ali>I had tickets to blink one, or sorry, not like I do to the green day.
00:27:10 --> 00:27:12 <v Ali>I tickets to green day and I was so excited.
00:27:12 --> 00:27:18 <v Ali>And then my friend and I thought it'd be like a really good idea to stay out all night and sleep on the beach with her boyfriend.
00:27:18 --> 00:27:25 <v Ali>So we and which in my head it was going to be really cool and really it was me sitting there like shivering, freezing and them making out the whole time.
00:27:25 --> 00:27:26 <v Ali>It sucked.
00:27:26 --> 00:27:31 <v Ali>And I got home at like six o'clock in the morning and my mom was like why are you home at six o'clock in the morning?
00:27:31 --> 00:27:37 <v Ali>And I was like there was construction next to her house and it kept us awake because that was a good idea when I was 13.
00:27:37 --> 00:27:40 <v Ali>And I did not get to go to see Green Day.
00:27:41 --> 00:27:42 <v Carter>That was my punishment.
00:27:42 --> 00:27:43 <v Carter>My friends got to.
00:27:44 --> 00:27:45 <v Ali>I didn't get to.
00:27:45 --> 00:27:46 <v Carter>That sucks.
00:27:46 --> 00:27:53 <v Carter>One of my favorite memories is we had a tour come through in 04, 05, 06.
00:27:53 --> 00:27:56 <v Carter>I think it was like three years, called the Taste of Chaos.
00:27:56 --> 00:28:14 <v Carter>It was like all like the Screamo bands of the early 2000s, like the MySpace bands, the Used MyCam Rise Against Funeral for a Friend Story of the Year, like a bunch of other awesome, awesome bands, like my favourite bands at the time, and I begged.
00:28:14 --> 00:28:16 <v Carter>I begged my mum to like let me go, let me go.
00:28:16 --> 00:28:24 <v Carter>And she relented and let me go.
00:28:24 --> 00:28:29 <v Carter>And me and my old bandmate who had two nicknames one was Freaky and the other was Ninja, steve, don't tell me why.
00:28:29 --> 00:28:29 <v Carter>Don't ask me why.
00:28:29 --> 00:28:30 <v Carter>Sorry, because I couldn't tell you.
00:28:30 --> 00:28:33 <v Carter>We packed our bags and jumped on a train to Melbourne.
00:28:33 --> 00:28:50 <v Carter>Yet again, it was like an hour and a half, two hours away and like for some reason, my mum didn't ask me how we were getting home or where we were staying or what time the concert finished or any of these like questions that any parent would ask.
00:28:50 --> 00:28:54 <v Carter>And we didn't even think about it, like we had no plan, we just went to this concert.
00:28:54 --> 00:28:56 <v Carter>So the concert finished at like midnight.
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57 <v Ali>Yeah.
00:28:57 --> 00:29:01 <v Carter>And it was the first time I'd been in the big city by myself, like with mates, not with parents or anything like that.
00:29:01 --> 00:29:13 <v Carter>So that night after the concert I ended up getting spat on by a homeless heroin addict in McDonald's on Flinders Street so Flinders Street is like the main street of Melbourne.
00:29:13 --> 00:29:23 <v Carter>We slept on the stairs of like shitty offices and like we literally were sleeping with other homeless people and stuff.
00:29:23 --> 00:29:24 <v Carter>We had a great time.
00:29:24 --> 00:29:32 <v Carter>But I got a box cutter pulled on me and they like asked me for my money and I was like like dude, do I fucking look like I have money?
00:29:32 --> 00:29:34 <v Carter>Yeah, like you can have my wallet.
00:29:34 --> 00:29:35 <v Carter>That's about it.
00:29:35 --> 00:29:41 <v Carter>It was, yeah, it was dicey, it was a sketchy time, but like good fun it was a different time.
00:29:41 --> 00:29:46 <v Ali>My, my kids don't understand now why I'm so concerned with, like, where they are and where they're going.
00:29:46 --> 00:29:49 <v Ali>And well, for one thing, I do a true crime podcast.
00:29:49 --> 00:30:13 <v Ali>I hear about all the horror stories and and I I guess growing up in like the 80s and 90s, there was not a lot of parental supervision and it was the whole thing of like go outside and come back when the streetlights are on, like we definitely had that, and I know about all the horrible things that happened and the things kids did, and so that's why I want to know where you are, I want to know who you're with and don't talk to men.
00:30:13 --> 00:30:14 <v Ali>Those are my.
00:30:14 --> 00:30:21 <v Ali>I'm constantly telling my girls like there is no reason why an adult will need to talk to you.
00:30:21 --> 00:30:28 <v Ali>You're a child, so you do, and very much like I love the podcast my Favorite Murder as well when they say fuck politeness.
00:30:28 --> 00:30:34 <v Ali>I'm like if an adult comes up to talk to you, you like, and you and your friends are playing, there's no reason adult needs to talk to you.
00:30:34 --> 00:30:42 <v Carter>You can walk away, you do not need to be polite yeah, because, yeah, you're a child and we've taught my four-year-old to just scream.
00:30:42 --> 00:30:49 <v Carter>Just scream like, leave me alone, I don't know you as loud as you can and like we're in the car and I'm like, give it to me louder, babe.
00:30:49 --> 00:30:52 <v Carter>Someone that walks up to you and you don't know them, what do you do?
00:30:52 --> 00:30:54 <v Carter>And she's like leave me alone.
00:30:54 --> 00:30:58 <v Carter>Fuck, you Get him.
00:30:59 --> 00:31:09 <v Ali>That's all felt well and good until my sister, when she was about six and I was eight, she wanted a new pair of pajamas, I think, at the mall, and my mom was like no, I'm not going to buy those for you.
00:31:09 --> 00:31:20 <v Ali>And then she looked at my mom and she goes, I don't know you, stranger, stranger, and started yelling that and my mom was like, and then was like okay, and walked away and then my sister, of course, started crying and chasing after her.
00:31:20 --> 00:31:22 <v Ali>But it's great until they weaponize it against you.
00:31:23 --> 00:31:23 <v Carter>Yeah, straight up.
00:31:23 --> 00:31:47 <v Carter>One of my biggest fears with my daughter because she loves telling fibs at the moment she's so deep into her little lying four-year-old phase one of my deepest fears is that I'm going to go pick her up from daycare and daycare are going to be like no, no, you're the mother's going to have to come get her because she has told us that you hit her or yeah, or something.
00:31:47 --> 00:31:49 <v Carter>I'm like I'm terrified.
00:31:49 --> 00:31:55 <v Carter>I'm so terrified Right, actually I do and like I can't talk about it with her because then that plants the seed.
00:31:55 --> 00:31:58 <v Carter>I can't be like don't ever tell anyone that I hit you.
00:31:59 --> 00:32:02 <v Ali>Because that's exactly what you would say if you were hitting her yeah, fucking guilty as.
00:32:03 --> 00:32:04 <v Carter>I just have to let it play out.
00:32:04 --> 00:32:08 <v Ali>Yeah, I'm going to say it gets easier, but like they just get more manipulative.
00:32:09 --> 00:32:15 <v Carter>I'm excited for when she can actually lie, but like have it be believable, oh yeah, because then ignorance is bliss.
00:32:15 --> 00:32:17 <v Carter>I don't really care, lie your ass off.
00:32:17 --> 00:32:27 <v Carter>But when I bite into an apple and she tells me that the apple isn't existing, like don't gaslight me, you're four years old.
00:32:27 --> 00:32:29 <v Carter>Yeah, I know that this apple exists.
00:32:29 --> 00:32:30 <v Carter>Like don't gaslight me, you're four years old.
00:32:30 --> 00:32:31 <v Carter>Yeah, I know that this apple exists.
00:32:31 --> 00:32:38 <v Ali>I have one child that only tells the truth and I have one child that rarely tells the truth, and I raise them the same.
00:32:38 --> 00:32:39 <v Ali>I don't know.
00:32:39 --> 00:32:50 <v Ali>It's just it comes to nature versus nurture, I guess, and it just comes naturally to one of them to not always tell the truth and the other one, like she can't lie Everything she'll.
00:32:50 --> 00:32:53 <v Ali>If I know she's done something wrong.
00:32:53 --> 00:32:58 <v Ali>When she doesn't want to say, she just kind of like looks away and then I'm like, okay, what happened?
00:32:58 --> 00:33:01 <v Ali>And then she usually tells me, but she has anxiety.
00:33:09 --> 00:33:11 <v Carter>So she doesn't want to lie.
00:33:11 --> 00:33:18 <v Carter>If it's a really really kind of minor thing, that's just such a silly thing to lie about, that doesn't have real consequences.
00:33:18 --> 00:33:34 <v Carter>But when it's something a bit more major like we saw her backhand her little brother the other day and we were like trying to talk to her about it and she was just like she just shut down and she wouldn't talk to us about it and I was like come talk, you know like yeah, we'll, we'll have a chat.
00:33:34 --> 00:33:38 <v Carter>I'm not yelling, we'll just talk about why you think it was okay to hit your brother.
00:33:38 --> 00:33:46 <v Carter>And she was like I just want to be left alone, I'm really angry and that's that's all we could get out of her.
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47 <v Carter>She was like a rock from there on.
00:33:47 --> 00:33:56 <v Carter>I was like you are, you are like your mother, little aries so what else you want to talk about?
00:33:56 --> 00:33:59 <v Carter>I mean we've for a mental health podcast.
00:33:59 --> 00:34:02 <v Carter>This has been really chirpy, I know.
00:34:02 --> 00:34:05 <v Carter>So you mentioned that your daughter has anxiety.
00:34:05 --> 00:34:09 <v Carter>I'm guessing that you also have some official diagnoses yourself.
00:34:09 --> 00:34:12 <v Carter>You have to run me through them, yeah.
00:34:13 --> 00:34:16 <v Ali>So my whole life I was like I have anxiety, I have anxiety.
00:34:16 --> 00:34:23 <v Ali>And then I got my ADHD diagnosis and realized that that had more to do with it.
00:34:23 --> 00:34:30 <v Ali>And as soon as I got on my ADHD medication, my anxiety it's minuscule compared to what it was.
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31 <v Ali>So I'll see, I'm doing it right now.
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32 <v Ali>I told you I didn't take my meds.
00:34:32 --> 00:34:32 <v Ali>Today.
00:34:32 --> 00:34:34 <v Ali>I'm like what was I just talking about?
00:34:35 --> 00:34:36 <v Carter>So I realized that Don't let the fog yeah.
00:34:37 --> 00:34:44 <v Ali>So that was the thing is that there was so much brain fog, everything was so overwhelming in life that I would get so anxious about everything.
00:34:44 --> 00:34:48 <v Ali>And I remember the first time what was it?
00:34:48 --> 00:34:52 <v Ali>I think it was Ritalin my doctor gave me oh, was it Ritalin?
00:34:52 --> 00:34:54 <v Ali>Yeah, that's it, it was a one.
00:34:54 --> 00:34:55 <v Ali>She was like here's two pills.
00:34:55 --> 00:34:59 <v Ali>I want you to take these.
00:34:59 --> 00:35:05 <v Ali>You're going to know right away if they work, if you feel like you are on speed and you feel it's not for you, but if you feel good, then we'll prescribe you.
00:35:05 --> 00:35:10 <v Ali>I'm on Concerta now, which I don't know if it's called Concerta everywhere, but it's some form of meth, I don't know.
00:35:10 --> 00:35:19 <v Ali>And I went home, I took the pills and that day I actually felt so upset because I was like this is how other people function.
00:35:19 --> 00:35:20 <v Ali>This isn't fair.
00:35:20 --> 00:35:24 <v Ali>Everything has felt so overwhelming and I was like, oh, I'm going to do a task.
00:35:24 --> 00:35:37 <v Ali>And then I just got that task done, whereas before I'd be like I'm going to do this task, oh, but I got to do this, but I got to do this, oh, there's so much to do, I'm just going to go lay in bed, like that's how my brain would work.
00:35:37 --> 00:35:44 <v Ali>And everything was so disorganized and cluttered and I would get like a client would message me and I would get so much anxiety about having to message them back that I wouldn't, and then I'd lose the client.
00:35:44 --> 00:35:56 <v Ali>Like ever since getting my ADHD diagnosis, life has gotten so much easier, so much, and I'm to the point now where, like today, I just didn't take my pill because I was running around and I kind of forgot.
00:35:56 --> 00:36:03 <v Ali>But I have so many other systems in place now and life is so much more organized that I can go a couple of days without it and it's fine.
00:36:03 --> 00:36:09 <v Ali>And yeah, so I haven't been on anxiety medication or haven't even needed it since.
00:36:09 --> 00:36:13 <v Ali>I mean I have situational anxiety like divorce, selling my house.
00:36:13 --> 00:36:19 <v Ali>Of course I have anxiety related to that, but before it was I had the diagnosis of a generalized anxiety disorder.
00:36:19 --> 00:36:24 <v Ali>So just every I was anxious about everything and everything was overwhelming and everything was stressful.
00:36:24 --> 00:36:33 <v Ali>And I think a lot of women ADHD shows differently in men than women a lot of times of women ADHD shows differently in men than women a lot of times.
00:36:33 --> 00:36:35 <v Ali>And I always just thought ADHD was like hyperactive little boys and I was like I can't have that.
00:36:36 --> 00:36:39 <v Carter>I didn't realize it Jumping off the walls and destructive in class.
00:36:40 --> 00:36:46 <v Ali>And no, but for me, I was always super disorganized, leaving everything to the last minute, super anxious.
00:36:46 --> 00:36:49 <v Ali>I would have piles of stuff everywhere.
00:36:49 --> 00:36:53 <v Ali>I think my doctor said something like how many coffee cups are in your car?
00:36:53 --> 00:36:55 <v Ali>And I said I was like I don't know 20.
00:36:55 --> 00:37:04 <v Ali>And she had all these questions when she was asking me about, like when you got a paper sent home from your teacher in elementary school, where did it go?
00:37:04 --> 00:37:08 <v Ali>And I was like crumpled up in the bottom of my backpack, like my parents never saw it.
00:37:08 --> 00:37:14 <v Ali>And yeah, there was all these little things relating to my childhood where I was like, oh, I didn't realize that was ADHD.
00:37:14 --> 00:37:23 <v Ali>Okay, because there's inattentive ADHD and hyperactive ADHD and I have a little bit combo, but mostly inattentive, yeah.
00:37:23 --> 00:37:28 <v Ali>So it was very eye-opening and the medication has totally changed my life.
00:37:28 --> 00:37:33 <v Carter>Did you struggle through school but also got straight A's in classes that you loved?
00:37:34 --> 00:37:37 <v Ali>Oh, I got straight A's in almost every class, but I never did homework.
00:37:37 --> 00:37:41 <v Ali>I never did, or I'd leave my homework till the last minute.
00:37:41 --> 00:37:42 <v Carter>Like the night before.
00:37:42 --> 00:37:46 <v Carter>Yeah, and throw something together 3 word essay the night before.
00:37:46 --> 00:37:57 <v Carter>I struggled all through school and I was like season D's for like English and math and geography and all of the classes that I fucking hated.
00:37:57 --> 00:38:08 <v Carter>But theatre studies, drama, media, anything, technology or acting or anything like that based, excuse me, straight A pluses.
00:38:08 --> 00:38:08 <v Ali>Yeah.
00:38:09 --> 00:38:13 <v Carter>Because I was just, I loved it, I was hyper focused on all of that sort of thing.
00:38:13 --> 00:38:14 <v Carter>Yeah, yeah, because I was just, I loved it, I was hyper focused on all of that sort of thing.
00:38:14 --> 00:38:20 <v Carter>And you know, obviously with the autism, now that I know I have autism, of course I'm going to be good at drama, because I've been fucking masking my whole life.
00:38:21 --> 00:38:23 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, what the hell yeah.
00:38:23 --> 00:38:25 <v Carter>Like my entire life has been acting.
00:38:26 --> 00:38:33 <v Ali>Right, okay, I shouldn't say I got A's and everything I got, like, I got solid Bs, but anything I applied myself to, yeah, a plus 100%.
00:38:33 --> 00:38:35 <v Ali>Have you seen the bionic reading apps?
00:38:35 --> 00:38:37 <v Ali>Do you know what I'm talking about?
00:38:37 --> 00:38:45 <v Ali>Okay, so basically, it's for people with ADHD and it highlights the beginning of each word so that when you're reading it, it keeps bringing your eyes back to it.
00:38:45 --> 00:38:52 <v Ali>You have to look that up, you have to look up bionic reading and see and it's because right now I'm at a point where, like, I can't read a book.
00:38:52 --> 00:38:53 <v Carter>I can't read books.
00:38:53 --> 00:38:54 <v Carter>I haven't read books in years.
00:38:55 --> 00:38:59 <v Ali>And the funny thing is, as a child I was hyper focused on books.
00:38:59 --> 00:39:05 <v Ali>I had books in every room and I was reading seven books at once and that was my hyper focus.
00:39:05 --> 00:39:09 <v Ali>And now I'll pick up a book and I'm like, nope, it's like two pages in.
00:39:09 --> 00:39:15 <v Ali>But with this Bionic Reading app it's made to kind of like stimulate your brain.
00:39:15 --> 00:39:22 <v Ali>I don't actually know all that, but reading a paragraph, you can read it in like a second and it's so clear and I was like, oh, that is very helpful.
00:39:22 --> 00:39:23 <v Ali>Yeah, it's really cool.
00:39:23 --> 00:39:24 <v Carter>Yeah, I'll have to check it out.
00:39:24 --> 00:39:36 <v Carter>If I was to pick up a book now, even on excuse me medication, I think I would still probably read like three chapters and then stop and think like I don't remember any of what I fucking read.
00:39:36 --> 00:39:43 <v Carter>It'll just be my mind darting on words, recognising some words but not picking up any of the storyline.
00:39:43 --> 00:39:52 <v Carter>And I love gaming and I love adventure games, like single player adventure games, god of War and Uncharted and the Last of Us and things like that.
00:39:52 --> 00:39:53 <v Carter>But if you sat me down, I've played God of War, the entirecharted and the Last of Us and things like that.
00:39:53 --> 00:39:59 <v Carter>But if you sat me down, I've played God of War, the entire series like multiple times, multiple playthroughs.
00:39:59 --> 00:40:05 <v Carter>I've platinumed the last two games that have come out Ragnarok and God of War 2018.
00:40:05 --> 00:40:11 <v Carter>If you sat me down and asked me for the storyline, I don't know, skip cut scene every fucking time.
00:40:11 --> 00:40:12 <v Carter>Skip cutscene.
00:40:12 --> 00:40:22 <v Carter>Or if I can't skip the cutscene, it will end in my PlayStation going into sleep mode because I lose focus and just start doom scrolling TikTok.
00:40:22 --> 00:40:23 <v Ali>That is my problem.
00:40:23 --> 00:40:25 <v Carter>Two hours later I'm like shit.
00:40:25 --> 00:40:26 <v Carter>I was fucking playing a game.
00:40:26 --> 00:40:30 <v Ali>Yeah, and I'm curious if my older daughter does have ADHD.
00:40:30 --> 00:40:33 <v Ali>She definitely has anxiety and she's very open about it.
00:40:33 --> 00:40:35 <v Ali>So I'm like she's totally open with me talking about it.
00:40:35 --> 00:40:42 <v Ali>So we had a really rough go from about the age of like eight till maybe 12 with her.
00:40:42 --> 00:40:49 <v Ali>She was just so angry all the time and that's how my anxiety would manifest as well was anger.
00:40:49 --> 00:40:50 <v Ali>So she.
00:40:50 --> 00:40:56 <v Ali>I remember one time I actually just brought this up to her a couple of days ago where I said something like hey, I made dinner.
00:40:56 --> 00:40:57 <v Ali>And she's like I'm not hungry.
00:40:57 --> 00:41:00 <v Ali>And I was like I like all you've eaten today is cereal.
00:41:00 --> 00:41:01 <v Ali>I made chicken, can you please eat?
00:41:01 --> 00:41:02 <v Ali>Get some protein.
00:41:02 --> 00:41:05 <v Ali>And she screamed at me you're gonna give me an eating disorder.
00:41:05 --> 00:41:07 <v Ali>And I was like, oh my God.
00:41:07 --> 00:41:12 <v Ali>And but about a year ago I finally had had enough.
00:41:12 --> 00:41:16 <v Ali>I was like I love my child but I don't like her right now.
00:41:16 --> 00:41:27 <v Ali>And I just didn't want to be in the same room with her and I took her to the doctor and she went in by herself because she was, you know, 14 or whatever the time, and she came out and she's like I have anxiety.
00:41:27 --> 00:41:28 <v Ali>I was like, yeah, I figured.
00:41:28 --> 00:41:30 <v Ali>And so she got on medication.
00:41:30 --> 00:41:31 <v Ali>Am I glitching for you?
00:41:31 --> 00:41:32 <v Ali>Hold on one second.
00:41:33 --> 00:41:34 <v Carter>No, no, you're all good.
00:41:34 --> 00:41:36 <v Ali>Are we recording again?
00:41:36 --> 00:41:36 <v Ali>It's still going.
00:41:38 --> 00:41:39 <v Carter>Yeah, we're still recording.
00:41:39 --> 00:41:40 <v Ali>I'll tell you the rest of this story.
00:41:41 --> 00:41:42 <v Carter>Cool, I hope.
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43 <v Carter>Oh, there we go.
00:41:43 --> 00:41:45 <v Carter>Ninety, nine percent, all good, please continue.
00:41:47 --> 00:41:47 <v Ali>OK, so sorry.
00:41:47 --> 00:41:52 <v Ali>So my daughter, the doctor said like we want to try her on this medication.
00:41:52 --> 00:42:02 <v Ali>And I was a little leery to put a teenager on medication but I was just we'd tried counseling, we tried a bunch of things and I just I had had enough and so we tried her on this medication.
00:42:02 --> 00:42:08 <v Ali>And I remember it was like a week after she started the medication, I was cooking in the kitchen and she just came in and she said hi, mom, what are you doing?
00:42:08 --> 00:42:13 <v Ali>And I just looked at her and I was like it was like a feral cat where you don't want to like.
00:42:13 --> 00:42:16 <v Ali>I didn't want to upset her or anything, and I was.
00:42:16 --> 00:42:19 <v Ali>She like gave me a hug and she wanted to hang out.
00:42:19 --> 00:42:23 <v Ali>And this past year we've gotten closer than we ever have been.
00:42:23 --> 00:42:26 <v Ali>She's just, she's so happy, she has friends for the first time ever.
00:42:26 --> 00:42:33 <v Ali>She never really has had friends before and now she has big groups of friends and she's always done really well at school but she's just enjoying it and she's so happy.
00:42:33 --> 00:42:43 <v Ali>And, yeah, her anxiety was just ruining her life before and the combination of, I think, counselling and medication has been so beneficial and she's super happy now.
00:42:43 --> 00:42:46 <v Ali>Awesome, that's a great result.
00:42:47 --> 00:42:51 <v Carter>My four-year-old is just so different to me and my wife.
00:42:51 --> 00:42:55 <v Carter>She's like super, super girly girl loves pink.
00:42:55 --> 00:42:57 <v Carter>We painted her room pink.
00:42:57 --> 00:43:13 <v Carter>She loves unicorns and she has like rainbow fingernail polish on at the moment and like she's just like this super just just like loves barbie and loves my little pony and all that type of really colorful stuff and she is just fucking friends with everyone.
00:43:13 --> 00:43:18 <v Carter>Yeah, like I still remember I moved schools a lot.
00:43:18 --> 00:43:25 <v Carter>I went through like four or five different primary schools and like three different high schools and secondary colleges, et cetera.
00:43:25 --> 00:43:50 <v Carter>And I still remember just like the immense anxiety that I felt on like my first days or like leading up to my first day of school of like you know God, everyone's going to hate me, I'm going to have to go through meeting new bullies all over again and finding out what kind of torture they fucking like putting me through, whereas like she's a year out of school at the moment, like she's enrolled to start next year.
00:43:50 --> 00:43:50 <v Speaker 2>Yeah.
00:43:51 --> 00:43:54 <v Carter>And every day, when I pick her up from daycare, she's like can we drop past my school?
00:43:55 --> 00:43:56 <v Ali>I want to see my school.
00:43:56 --> 00:44:24 <v Carter>I want to see the playground, I want to see the football oval, and she's just like that's where me and my friends are going to sit and eat lunch and talk, and we're going to talk about things we like, like unicorns, and she's just like she has no doubt in her mind that just everyone that will be attending school with her, just friends, she hasn't met yet and I think that's fucking cool and I am so fearful of the day she comes home crying because she has experienced a bully for the first time.
00:44:25 --> 00:44:26 <v Ali>Oh, that's happened.
00:44:26 --> 00:44:29 <v Ali>It happened about a year ago to one of my kids and I.
00:44:29 --> 00:44:47 <v Ali>She was okay with it, like she, but I felt all of those feelings that I felt when I was a kid come back tenfold, because when it's your own child, I was crying about it, I was devastated, not in front of her, but like she, was like it's fine, I'm fine and I just your heart breaks for your kid.
00:44:48 --> 00:45:13 <v Carter>I know I'm going to have to reconcile a lot of feelings within myself if slash when it happens, because I never advocated for myself, I never stood up for myself, and now that I am a 36-year-old man and I would easily win a fight with a fucking five-year-old, I'm really going to have to suppress the need to go and avenge my daughter, right.
00:45:13 --> 00:45:15 <v Ali>I'm really going to have to suppress the need to go and avenge my daughter, right.
00:45:15 --> 00:45:22 <v Ali>So it's actually interesting talking about, like your past and as a parent and as an adult, I just recently started therapy again.
00:45:22 --> 00:45:25 <v Ali>I hadn't done it in a while and it was.
00:45:25 --> 00:45:30 <v Ali>I've had therapists in the past where basically everything was just like how does that make you feel?
00:45:30 --> 00:45:31 <v Ali>And how did that make you feel?
00:45:31 --> 00:45:34 <v Ali>And it didn't really get to the bottom of anything.
00:45:34 --> 00:45:55 <v Ali>And I recently I was going through BetterHelp and I did their online Zoom therapy and my therapist, within about two or three sessions, I was telling her about this situation, this situation and basically I'd had a situation where someone was upset with me over something that was absolutely not my fault and they didn't have a reason to be upset with me.
00:45:55 --> 00:45:56 <v Ali>And she's like well, how did that make you feel?
00:45:56 --> 00:45:58 <v Ali>And I said horrible, I felt so bad.
00:45:58 --> 00:46:01 <v Ali>I wanted to make sure she knew I didn't do this thing.
00:46:01 --> 00:46:06 <v Ali>And she's like but she was really inappropriate and she did this and she did this.
00:46:06 --> 00:46:07 <v Ali>And weren't you angry?
00:46:07 --> 00:46:09 <v Ali>And I said, well, no, I didn't want her to be upset.
00:46:09 --> 00:46:10 <v Ali>I didn't want her to be upset.
00:46:10 --> 00:46:20 <v Ali>So she explained to me that there's fight or flight, which are two of the main trauma responses, and then there's also fawn, and another one I don't remember.
00:46:20 --> 00:46:21 <v Carter>But fawn and freeze.
00:46:22 --> 00:46:24 <v Ali>Yes, fawn and freeze, Thank you, and I fawn.
00:46:24 --> 00:46:30 <v Ali>So I have to make everyone like me and if someone doesn't like me, it's my fault and how can I fix it.
00:46:30 --> 00:46:33 <v Ali>So my therapist was saying so what if someone doesn't like you?
00:46:33 --> 00:46:34 <v Ali>And I was like, well, why don't they like me?
00:46:34 --> 00:46:36 <v Ali>And she goes, it doesn't matter, they don't like you.
00:46:36 --> 00:46:38 <v Ali>And I was like but can I make them like me?
00:46:38 --> 00:46:40 <v Ali>And she's like nope, they don't like you.
00:46:40 --> 00:46:42 <v Ali>And I was like, but well, why not?
00:46:42 --> 00:46:45 <v Ali>And she's like how do you feel?
00:46:45 --> 00:46:46 <v Ali>I'm like horrible.
00:46:46 --> 00:46:59 <v Ali>Well, what did is going to like you?
00:46:59 --> 00:47:10 <v Ali>But even just the thought, her saying that I started to get panicky and I realized my entire life I've put up with so much shit from people because of that fawn response and that I just I need people to like me and so, even if they're horrible to me and even if they're treating me like garbage, I can't have them be mad at me.
00:47:10 --> 00:47:21 <v Ali>And realizing that sometimes things don't have to do with me and the reason people feel certain ways about me doesn't have anything to do with me or how people treat me has more to do with them than with me.
00:47:21 --> 00:47:36 <v Ali>And that's been really eye-opening recently to just realize I don't have to be nice and sweet and kind to everyone if they don't deserve it, because that's just how I've basically being, you know, 370 pounds.
00:47:36 --> 00:47:44 <v Ali>I had to be charming and sweet and funny and kind just to be treated like a basic person, just to be treated like a human.
00:47:44 --> 00:47:49 <v Ali>And now it's very strange for me to get like attention, especially from men.
00:47:49 --> 00:48:00 <v Ali>I do get like no, I'm not gonna say a lot of attention, but like I get attention from men, and for no reason just because of the way I look, I guess, and they're kind to me and they're nice to me just based on how I look.
00:48:00 --> 00:48:07 <v Ali>And I think about how the same sorts of people were fucking horrible to me just based on how I looked.
00:48:07 --> 00:48:08 <v Ali>I wasn't treated like a person.
00:48:08 --> 00:48:19 <v Ali>I remember once I was at a party with a friend or with friends and these guys I was super nice and kind and funny and trying to be all everything, just to be treated like a person.
00:48:19 --> 00:48:25 <v Ali>And these guys threw a beer at me and started laughing and then called me fat or whatever.
00:48:25 --> 00:48:35 <v Ali>And there's such a thing as thin and pretty privilege, and I'm not that thin and I'm not that pretty, but I have so much more privilege than I did five or six years ago.
00:48:35 --> 00:48:41 <v Ali>Like people bought me coffees at Starbucks, just being like, oh, let me get this for you, and I'm like what?
00:48:41 --> 00:48:46 <v Ali>Or opening doors for me or just doing little kind things.
00:48:46 --> 00:48:56 <v Ali>I was at the beach not that long ago when I was carrying I had my paddleboard on my back and I was carrying a cooler and this guy like came running and like tripping over himself, like can I help, oh, let me take that for you.
00:48:56 --> 00:48:59 <v Ali>And I was like, no, I'm good, like I lift, this is nothing.
00:49:00 --> 00:49:06 <v Ali>But if I was 150 pounds heavier there's no way that man would have done that and it's so strange.
00:49:06 --> 00:49:09 <v Ali>So I'm just seeing society.
00:49:09 --> 00:49:26 <v Ali>I'm seeing especially the way a lot of men treat women so differently now and I think I have friends who have a very opposite experience where, say, they were super hot in high school and in their 20s and they had all this thin, pretty privilege and men did stuff for them and people were so nice to them.
00:49:26 --> 00:49:29 <v Ali>And now, as they're aging, they're losing that.
00:49:29 --> 00:49:44 <v Ali>Because women become disposable after a certain age, people just stop treating them them the same way and they're devastated and they'll try to like flirt and it doesn't work and they don't know how to deal, and it's so interesting to me because I've never had that.
00:49:44 --> 00:49:48 <v Carter>It's like that whole like peak in high school kind of trope.
00:49:48 --> 00:49:55 <v Carter>You know Exactly it's a stereotype for a reason, to an extent, because you know that does happen.
00:49:55 --> 00:50:03 <v Carter>You know, I was always the chubby kid growing up, but now in my 30s I'm the chubby tattooed guy with a mustache and a dad bod.
00:50:03 --> 00:50:06 <v Carter>I'm a fucking wanted commodity in today's society.
00:50:06 --> 00:50:16 <v Carter>And it's weird and like I'll probably edit that out because, like, just coming out of my mouth made me feel really uncomfortable no, it's totally true.
00:50:17 --> 00:50:25 <v Ali>When I was on dating apps, I had there was this picture of miley cyrus like licking a cake and on the cake I had it had written like tattoos and dad bods.
00:50:25 --> 00:50:30 <v Ali>Because I was like so no, 100, totally true.
00:50:30 --> 00:50:37 <v Ali>But yeah, it's weird when all of a sudden, people are attracted to you and you've never had that before and you're like what is happening.
00:50:37 --> 00:50:54 <v Carter>Yes, like my wife and I have had the whole conversation of like who's the reacher and who's the settler and it's not the most healthy conversation, but we were quite jovial and jestful in the conversation and I was like I'm for sure the reacher Like she's nine years younger than me.
00:50:54 --> 00:50:56 <v Ali>Oh, my partner's, nine years younger than me.
00:50:56 --> 00:50:59 <v Carter>Oh, okay, well, I didn't know at the time she catfished me.
00:50:59 --> 00:51:02 <v Carter>She'd had her age set higher than it was Okay.
00:51:02 --> 00:51:20 <v Carter>And I also catfished her on our first date because in all of my Tinder photos I had luscious hair and she rocked up for our first date and I'd shaved my head the day before Britney speared myself, but I was like I'm 110% the reacher and she's just like no, you're not.
00:51:20 --> 00:51:22 <v Carter>Like.
00:51:22 --> 00:51:27 <v Carter>In her mind, she's the reacher because to me, to her, I'm beautiful.
00:51:27 --> 00:51:31 <v Carter>And it's still hard to reconcile that, but it gets easier.
00:51:31 --> 00:51:32 <v Carter>We've got three kids.
00:51:33 --> 00:51:34 <v Ali>Oh, do you have three?
00:51:34 --> 00:51:35 <v Ali>I thought you only had two.
00:51:35 --> 00:51:35 <v Ali>Okay, how old are they?
00:51:35 --> 00:51:36 <v Carter>I've got three, so we've got.
00:51:36 --> 00:51:39 <v Carter>Hendrix is my firstborn, she's four.
00:51:39 --> 00:51:48 <v Carter>Roman is my son, he is two, Three next month and Salem is one year old tomorrow.
00:51:48 --> 00:51:50 <v Ali>Little girl you have such good names too.
00:51:50 --> 00:51:51 <v Ali>Oh, happy birthday, salem.
00:51:51 --> 00:51:53 <v Ali>It's funny when we were naming our girls.
00:51:53 --> 00:51:55 <v Ali>You have such good names too.
00:51:55 --> 00:51:55 <v Ali>Oh, happy birthday, salem.
00:51:55 --> 00:51:56 <v Ali>It's funny when we were naming our girls.
00:51:56 --> 00:52:01 <v Ali>My ex liked names like Tiffany and Vanessa.
00:52:01 --> 00:52:05 <v Ali>He liked really 80s traditional names and I was telling my daughter her name is Michaela because my great grandfather's name was Mikhail.
00:52:05 --> 00:52:07 <v Ali>We're Russian, it's like a traditional kind of name in our family.
00:52:07 --> 00:52:08 <v Ali>She's Michaela.
00:52:09 --> 00:52:12 <v Ali>But I didn't know that every basic bitch about five years older than her is all named Michaela.
00:52:12 --> 00:52:13 <v Ali>I didn't know that.
00:52:13 --> 00:52:14 <v Ali>I didn't know that, like, every basic bitch about five years older than her is all named Michaela.
00:52:14 --> 00:52:15 <v Ali>I didn't know that.
00:52:15 --> 00:52:15 <v Ali>I didn't have a kid.
00:52:15 --> 00:52:18 <v Ali>So, anyway, she is not a fan of her name.
00:52:18 --> 00:52:27 <v Ali>And I was like, yeah, your dad liked names like you know these basic names and I like names like Sloan and Lux, like L-U-X it's from the book the Virgin Suicides.
00:52:27 --> 00:52:29 <v Ali>And she was like my name could have been Lux.
00:52:29 --> 00:52:31 <v Ali>She was so mad.
00:52:31 --> 00:52:34 <v Ali>She was like can I change it?
00:52:34 --> 00:52:43 <v Ali>And then I was like, except her middle name's.
00:52:43 --> 00:52:48 <v Carter>Grey, so I was like Lux Grey sounds like a porn star or a paint colour Brilliant, brilliant.
00:52:48 --> 00:52:48 <v Carter>All right.
00:52:48 --> 00:52:53 <v Carter>So I'm sorry we have to wrap up because I do have another podcast to record, but is there anything you want to finish up on, anything that you want to send out into the world?
00:52:54 --> 00:52:55 <v Ali>plug your podcast as well.
00:52:55 --> 00:53:01 <v Ali>Yeah, if you think I'm moderately funny or you like true crime cults, generally fucked up shit.
00:53:01 --> 00:53:06 <v Ali>Listen to tsfu, the podcast on apple podcasts and spotify awesome and thank you so much for having me.
00:53:06 --> 00:53:06 <v Ali>This was fun.
00:53:06 --> 00:53:07 <v Ali>I felt like we were just hanging out.
00:53:07 --> 00:53:09 <v Ali>It didn't actually feel like a 100, it's.
00:53:09 --> 00:53:10 <v Carter>I mean.
00:53:10 --> 00:53:11 <v Carter>I mean it's.
00:53:11 --> 00:53:15 <v Carter>It's usually the podcast where I talk about trauma and nitty gritty shit.
00:53:15 --> 00:53:18 <v Carter>So it's been a nice change, just to be happy and cheerful.
00:53:18 --> 00:53:22 <v Carter>And I definitely took too much of my ADHD meds this morning.
00:53:22 --> 00:53:27 <v Ali>But if this would have been me five years ago, I would have been like and now I'm just.
00:53:27 --> 00:53:28 <v Ali>This is kind of who I am now.
00:53:29 --> 00:53:29 <v Carter>Go us.
00:53:29 --> 00:53:29 <v Ali>Awesome.
00:53:29 --> 00:53:31 <v Ali>Well, thank you again for having me.
00:53:31 --> 00:53:32 <v Ali>See you, mate.
00:53:43 --> 00:53:44 <v Speaker 2>Have a good day.
00:53:44 --> 00:53:45 <v Speaker 2>Thanks so much.
00:53:45 --> 00:53:48 <v Speaker 2>Bye, bye, bye, bye.
00:53:48 --> 00:53:55 <v Speaker 2>Then your only thing is me Just knowing that I'm trying to make a change.
00:53:55 --> 00:54:06 <v Speaker 2>Can I put it all on me, responsibilities, and all the other nonsense coming by repeatedly?
00:54:06 --> 00:54:12 <v Speaker 2>But there's one thing I know, it's knowing to let go.
00:54:12 --> 00:54:20 <v Speaker 2>Just knowing that I'm trying to make a change Doesn't seem too much.
00:54:20 --> 00:54:27 <v Speaker 2>Just to ask for give up on those many things that I do.