Tattooing Through Turbulence | JB's Journey Through Tough Times, Heartache, Family, Love and Happiness

We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land we pay our respects to the Elders, past, present and emerging, for they hold the memories, the traditions and the culture of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people across the nation.

Warning this podcast contains explicit language and discusses sensitive topics related to mental health childhood trauma, birth trauma, abuse, miscarriage and suicide. Listener discretion is advised. If you find these subjects distressing or triggering, we recommend taking caution and considering whether to proceed with listening. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted individual for support. Your wellbeing is our priority. Hello and welcome to another episode of Touched Out. I'm your host, Carter, and today I speak to an old friend of mine, JB. Jb and I discuss our early days of working at Kmart together at 16 years old, going through school together, and JB's remarkable journey as a tattoo artist. We also discuss JB's blended family, which consists of JB, his fiancee Carly, her daughter Dolly, which they co-parent, together with Carly's ex-partner, JB's son Wyatt and their boy Silas. If you enjoyed today's episode, please like, follow, subscribe, share and all of that on your favorite podcast platform and keep on keeping on no, life's been tough, so take a breath from everything right here.

Take some time, it's alright, you'll be fine. The Touchdown Podcast Take all night, you'll be fine, it's alright.

The Touchdown Podcast. Oldest friends, we grew up together in Bendigo, had our first jobs together at Kmart, and JB has reached out to come onto the podcast today to share an incredibly hectic journey. So first of all, thanks for coming on, mate. I really appreciate your time.

No stress bro.

Super excited to get into it. So why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, a little bit about your family, and we'll go from there?

So my name's Jared, I'm 36 years old, I live in Bendigo, I own a business in Bendigo and I'm a tattooist. I've got my fiancée, carly. She is also a small business owner, she owns a barbershop, works out of a barbershop here, and together we have three kids. So Carly's got a nine-year-old daughter. That's my stepdaughter. Her name's Dolly. I have a seven-year-old boy, his name's Wyatt, and together we have a three-year-old boy called.

Silas, awesome. So why don't you tell me a little bit about your history, as in like how you grew up and any sort of significant events that happened throughout your life?

So growing up it was me and my little brother Rhys. My parents were separated and we sort of moved around throughout Bendigo quite a lot. We've been in a lot of different houses. We were sort of never really in a house for longer than a year or two. We lived with our grandparents on and off and we spent every other weekend with our dad, sort of my oldest brother. He was here sort of momentarily on and off. He lived with us. Then he wouldn't live with us and then he would sort of stay with us on the weekends and then he wouldn't and that kind of stuff. He sort of stayed in melton quite often with his dad, lived with him.

So he was your half-brother, wasn't he?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't really have many memories from being a child that I can sort of look back on and think that that's significant in the sense of being happy or sort of, you know, being miserable. It was sort of all just hectic. I feel like life has just always been hectic. Hectic in what way? Just in there's always something going on. Yeah, always there was.

I know I can never really look back on anything and be like, oh, there was a moment there where there wasn't chaos or, you know, we really sort of got to sit back and take a breath or anything like that. And I feel like that's resonated into my life as an adult. And yeah, there's never really, even now, like just when we think we're catching our breath and we get, you know, a moment or two, something happens and it's just like, bam, well, now we've got to deal with this and I guess that's just life, like that's just how it is with everyone. But it's sort of like you go two weeks and without there being an incident and you're like, oh, this is all right, and then bam, something happens.

I feel like we're always treading water.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I feel that. Yeah, so, as I said, we met each other when we were 16, our first jobs at Kmart. I'll just tell you kind of my opinion and everything of how I saw you when we kind of first met and started kind of going through school together and stuff. I remember meeting you and instantly thinking that you were the type of person that I really, really wanted to be. I always remembered that. I don't know I don't know why, but I was just like he's just, he's just a fucking cool cat, like I always thought it. And I remember when I was just feeling really really lost, especially in high school, when we went to bendigo senior together, we had media class together and, um, I just remember being like I'm fucking so glad that I've got class with him because he's just fucking cool.

And, uh, you burnt me two cds used, the used in love and death and thursday full collapse, and they still to this day, remain to be two of my favorite albums of all time. Absolutely, I don't know why. I was just like, fuck man, he's just the coolest dude and it's. It's really weird because you you filled out the form last night to give me a little bit of background on on your life and, like reading through it, I was just like holy shit, it's so weird to to know someone for such a long time but to know so little about them, their personal life and the struggles, and it's.

It really really just goes to show that that there's so many people in this world where you can just you can see only the surface and they're calm calm as fuck and everything's all g, but underneath those little legs are kicking fucking dear life.

Absolutely, bro, and that's that's the. That's just the way I've always I've always dealt with shit. I suppose, like it's always, I never want what's going on with me to be a burden for anyone else. So I know it's like the typical stigma that people have on men, where you know they don't like to talk about anything or anything like that. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, it's just that I don't want to burden anyone with my problems. Like they're my problems and I should be able to face them alone. But that's not the case, like, and it's something like I really struggle with being able to open up and, yeah, like, I've always been that way, even like younger, like skateboarding and playing music and stuff like that. That was sort of an outlet with me because I could just thrash, like I could just, you know, I could just let myself go.

Yeah, I mean you've been a tattooist, for we're 36 now, so you've been a tattooist since you were 18, pretty correct 20, 20. 20. Yeah, so 16 years, that's half your life, your life, yeah would you say that that is your biggest outlet?

for me now. For me now it is, yeah, like not necessarily tattooing itself, but it's more the more like the, the flash and painting and all that sort of stuff.

Yeah, funnelling your emotions through your art.

Yeah, and like, at the moment I'm working on just like a line book and it's just stuff that I want to tattoo. But I've found that it's been quite therapeutic for me to do, because I can sit there and I just will start drawing and I kind of zone out for an hour, hour and a half and it's like, well, where did that time go? Like, and the thing is, I'm not even thinking about anything in particular other than what I've got to do, and it's sort of nice, that's your way of catching your breath.

Yeah.

Because it's just. Everything else is drowned out. Yeah, yeah, awesome. So we'll talk a little bit about how you got into tattooing and why, you decided that that career resonated best with you.

Oh, I was always around it growing up, like my mum getting tattooed, having tattoos, everything going with her while she would get tattooed, like me and my little brother, and just being around her friend's place just looking through tattoo magazines and everything like that. It was just something that we were always around and it just always stuck with me and I always drew. I was always creative as a child and then, you know, I started playing punk rock and I was like, well, this is just, it's just where the where, where the road leads me. I suppose like it's just inevitable for me to go down that path and like got my first tattoo when I was 17 and then, and that just solidified the fact for me that that's what I wanted to do. I always sort of wanted to do it, but from that moment I knew that that's what I wanted to do and I sort of didn't. Really, I didn't give up, I didn't stop until I got my apprenticeship and then that's. The rest is history.

Now I remember and forgive me if my memory is wrong, but I remember that you had your apprenticeship but you ended up going out on your own before you'd finished it.

I feel like you got your own business and was just like I'm gonna fucking do this regardless nah, so I did finish my apprenticeship and then sort of I went to Adelaide and then sort of went on a road trip with my family and then it was good, because that sort of gave me a lot of time to think and as much as where I did my apprenticeship like he's a great bloke and we still have communications, but we just had very different mindsets. So when we got back I was sort of like all right, well, this is sort of what I'm going to do now, and then yeah, Just after the races yeah.

I remember you in your first shop just above the whole, above, like Toy World or something like that, yeah, yeah. Through the alleyway. You tattooed me and my ex-missus and now you tattoo me and my wife. You've really come up and like, yeah, you've, yeah, you've seen me grow up and become a dad and all of this throughout like just my tattooing journey as well yeah, which is pretty cool. It's awesome that we've been able to stay in contact and somewhat close, absolutely, bro, absolutely yeah definitely so we'll, we'll get into your family.

How did you meet carly, and how long have you guys been together?

so I met carly through, I suppose I suppose I would say through work, like I, she wasn't a client of mine, she would. She'd come into the work, she would get tattooed off one of the blokes in there and, like you know, it wasn't something that sort of hit straight away or anything like we were. Just we were friends from there, like we talk and everything like that. And then it sort of wasn't until like a couple of years after we first sort of that anything happened between us. Because she, when she was getting tattooed in my shop, she like she had a partner at the time, like I had a partner as well, so like it was just nothing to it there. And then, yeah, a couple years later we were both, we were both single and just I don't know, like a bucket, it just sort of blossomed from there. And then so we've been together for five years now, engaged, yeah, three kids in the process of buying a house.

It's just it's awesome yeah, yeah, I'm happy for you.

Thanks bro. I love Carly. She's a great chick yeah she's awesome. So you stepped into that relationship with Carly and Carly had Dolly, yeah, yeah, so you are Dolly's stepdad, yeah, and you are also all very, very close with Carly's biological dad.

Yeah, yeah.

So you guys are all friends and it's all just this nice working unit.

Yeah, mate, it's awesome, it's unreal, I suppose, for anyone that could be in this position being like a stepfather or a stepmother or anything like that having a relationship like this with the child's other parent is feel essential, like it's great. It's not, you know, it's not always rainbows and sunshine, but it does make things a lot easier and it's awesome rainbows and sunshine, but it it does make things a lot easier and it's awesome like just just to be able to be friends. I feel like that that benefits dolly quite a lot oh, yeah, yeah, I think.

I think that that that kind of blended family um where exes or biological parents are still able to be in the picture and there's no kind of like jealousy or toxicity or anything like that. It really is a testament to the care for the dog Absolutely, and putting that over yourselves or your policies or insecurities or anything. Is that something you wanted to be up?

No, not at all, not at all Like at the end of the day. We've wanted to be up. No, not at all. Not at all Like at the end of the day. We've got to be happy in our relationship, but at the same time we've got to also make sure that the kids are happy and the kids are getting what they need so we'll talk a little bit now about why it, why it is seven and why it was.

Uh well, is your child from a previous relationship? Um, now you've told me the story through the form last night and my jaw was just fucking on the floor the entire time. Yeah, it's quite a harrowing journey. So take your time and and, uh, run us, run us through. Why Wyatt's history?

All right. So I guess this can sort of stem back. So Wyatt's mother and I we didn't have a relationship as such. We sort of, obviously we hung out a couple of times and then, nine months later, had a little boy. Then, nine months later, had a little boy and then sort of spending time with wire. And then, sort of just after his first birthday, we started doing mediation so we could solidify a routine and a schedule to just to have something in place for me spending time with him. And the mediators appointed us a DNA test I'm not sure why, but so we did it and the results came back that he was not my son.

So at that point in time all communication was cut off between Dwight's mother and I and it was sort of I was grief stricken, I was like I just I just yeah, I just lost my little boy that's how it felt to me Like it was just just gone and I was confused. I was very confused and it was one of the first conversations I actually had. Proper conversations I had with Carly was like a week after I got those results. I was talking to her at the front of the shop and telling her about it and she just couldn't believe it. And then that sort of spiraled me out of control. I guess you could say I didn't know. I felt like I what did I do to deserve this? Like why, where's he gone? Like what can I do? And there was nothing I could do, like we had a bit of paper that said that he wasn't mine, so there was nothing I could do. I just had to let it go.

But in doing so, it just changed me. It put me in this dark pit where I just felt worthless. I felt like I was not good enough. I was like I just couldn't get out of it. I just abused anything that would make me feel better, and I found it hard. I found it really hard to work.

I found it really hard to get out, feel better, and I found it hard. I found it really hard to work. I found it really hard to get out of bed. I found it. I found it hard to do anything. It was I don't know, I just I even looking back on that time, like I just look back on who I was and I can't even, I can't even see myself when I look at that person. And then this continued on for quite a while until I met Carly and she helped me put the pieces back together. She made me realize that I deserve to be happy. I just have to move past it. I just have to move past it and I did. I got the help. I was medicated, and then I didn't like. I didn't like being medicated, I didn't like who. I didn't like feeling numb, I didn't like feeling like I was just just a person existing either so I was quite the same with medication.

I'm guessing it was like antidepressants you were on.

Yeah, antidepressants, any anxieties?

I fucking hated them. Yeah bro, I hated feeling like there was stuff that I should be sad about, but I didn't feel any way about them.

Yeah, exactly. It made me feel like less of a Dude. Same, exactly the same, and I was. It was so shit like you, because you can sit there and you can talk to yourself and you can be like, all right, like this, this is it, but you're just emotionless yeah, I think.

I think antidepressants are great and this is just my personal experience. Obviously everyone's experiences are different but antidepressants are great for when there's like a need to balance those chemical levels, yeah, kind of be baseline. But when there's specific traumas and specific things that you're going through, I don't think it's highly helpful to numb.

No.

Numb those feelings. Those feelings are all a part of healing.

Yeah, feel to heal.

Yeah, you can't heal if you can't fucking heal.

No, not at all, not at all. But yeah, and then, sort of time progressed, I got a hell of a lot better and it was just nice having, I sort of suppose, like a void was filled, like I was in a happy, loving relationship, you know, and I was happy, I was genuinely happy, you know, for once, finally, and you know, doing everything I could for Dolly. And then we got pregnant and we had Silas and that just filled my heart with just so much love and happiness that just it changed me and I feel like it's genuinely just a huge pivotal point in my life where I just stepped up, like I just stepped out and I just sort of was like no, well, this is who I am and this is what I've got to do, this is the dad I'm going to be, and then that's what I've done. I show up for Dolly and Silas every day, I show up for Carly every day, for Carly every day.

And then, in March 2022, I got a phone call from one of my friends and my little brother also, just ringing me to tell me that there'd been an accident and that Wyatt's mum had passed away in a car accident the night before. And I was sadden, sad, and I was shocked. You know she was part of my puzzle, you know part of my life in a sense. You know might not have been a good memory but still. And then one of Carly's friends knew her. His little sister was friends with it and he sort of passed on a message to us that she thought that Wyatt was still mine and we were sort of taken by it because there had been years of no communication.

Yeah, and the test as well.

And the test as well. So I sort of waited, waited a little like a little bit, but there's only so long you can wait. Like I know, the family was grieving and I didn't want to be what was the word? I didn't want to. Like make it about you yeah.

Yeah, exactly Exactly. But I just wanted to let them know what I'd heard. And because of what I'd heard, it led me and Kylie to do some research on this company that we did the DNA test through and it turned out that they had become quite reputable for false results and mishandling paternity tests, dna tests, and that there was other people that were you know like, looking into them. So I reached out to her family and said that this were you know like looking into them. So I reached out to her family and said that this is you know, this is what I've heard. They were quiet, you know, they weren't. They didn't shut me down. They were quite accepting of the fact that I had reached out to them. I didn't put any pressure on them whatsoever. We had to go through magistrates and solicitors and everything like that to be able to get appointed another DNA test. But, long story short, we got the DNA test done. The results took a little while and they had to be very careful with Wyatt taking him to get his DNA done. Obviously, he'd just lost his mother. He was very fragile. He is very fragile and he was very confused as to you know everything. He hadn't been told anything yet, but they still had to be very weary and we got the results back. He had 99.9% paternal probability that he was my child. Like, I still remember opening that letter and just like and that was in, so this March was accident. We got the results back in October 2022.

And then I just remember opening that letter. I'm like Carly and I were standing in the kitchen and I just opened it and I just broke down. I was so angry that these years had been taken away from him. You know, like I was more saddened for him. And then I was angry at this company about. You know, how could they do this? Like, how can they do this to people and how can they get away with it? And they're still getting away with it, but there's nothing that I can do about it. They're an overseas company and no one here wants to touch it. And then I was just taken over by well, I've got my little boy back. You know it's going to be a long road, but, like, I've got my little boy back and we'll be able to get there.

So how long between the tests was that?

Six years.

Formative fucking years too, man.

Yeah, yeah, I formative fucking years too, man. So yeah, yeah, I can't even imagine there's moments in those six years where I was like shit, I didn't even think I was going to see the next day, you know, like there was days where I would just lay in bed and I'd just convince myself. Well, myself, well, you know, I think today's the day if this is life, I don't want it.

Huh yeah, exactly, bro, in there, brother, dark isn't it?

yeah, it's dark, it is so dark and he's so it's fucking dark. But yeah, and then he it was. So we got the result back. Then we had to go, we had to sort of go and figure out. I had to figure out with why it's arnie and his grandma, um, how, how were we going to tackle this? With why, like, how were they going to let him know? Because he just thought that he didn't have a dad, so he had no memory of you. No, he had no memory of me, like there's photos and stuff, but he, he, he had no memory of me.

So they just let him know. They were just like look, we've, we found your dad. Do you want to meet him? And he just said no. He was like no, I think I'm okay and you know like, well, that broke my heart. But at the same time, like I'm like all right, well, that's fine. Like when and if he decides that he does want to meet me, like this is where I'll be. And then later on that day I got a phone call and he'd been asking some questions and he had decided that he did want to meet me again and that he wanted to meet me tomorrow, like the next day.

Yeah right.

So like that was. I just can't explain the feeling of meeting him again that day, thank you so much. And then, yeah, now it's just full steam ahead Again that day, thank you so much. And then, yeah, now it's just full steam ahead. He lives with his grandparents and we get him every Tuesday night for tea, and then every second Sunday and then every Saturday that we don't have him on the Sunday, and it's just like he, it's just now, it's just like he was never not there, like Silas loves his big brother, dolly loves their little brother, and it's awesome.

Got this perfect family now.

Yeah, yeah, it's great.

Beautiful. Well, it's a fucking rocky road to get to where you're going, but I'm glad you're there.

Thanks, bro, it's hard to talk about, you know like yeah, yeah, it's very hard to talk about.

I don't doubt it, and I think it's amazing that you have decided to come on here today to talk about it, because these types of stories, they happen to people. Yeah, that's it. And if it's someone that's going through it and they hear this, they feel a little less alone in the world. Yeah, that's the magic of putting things out there and being, hey, I'm fucking okay, this is what everyone has a story and everyone feels like their stories are so insignificant because they feel like they don't matter you fucking yeah that's it you matter, you always have and you always will you matter to people.

So is there any kind of plans on having Wyatt full-time in the future?

Look, he's his own person, he's quite. I would never want to take him away from any situation or you know anywhere that he's happy and he's quite happy. If one day he decides that he wants to come and live with us, then my arms will be open. But you know, I feel, I feel that they might come. I feel like it also may not, because you know he's got a, he's got a really good family unit on their side as well and you know he's he, he's it's free for him to make his own mind up, you know.

And. I think that's the best way to go about it anyway, right.

Absolutely, bro. Absolutely Like.

If you know, if I was forced to stay somewhere when I was a child, I know the damn well, like that's where I didn't want to be yeah, I, um, I went through like custody battles as a kid and shit and I just like I would have been around about wyatt's age around seven, six or seven going to court and having to get up on the stand and fucking say who I wanted to live with.

I didn't remember this distinct feeling of feeling like a puppet and I didn't have any words to describe it. But I knew that the fighting battle wasn't about me. It wasn't about what I wanted, it was about what they fucking yeah, I remember it just fucking hit me, it made me angry to think that I would be used that way. Yeah, so so the fact that you're like, yeah whatever he wants is what will happen. That's perfect.

It's such a great, great thing to see so many people our age and kind of the newer generations doing things so differently. Yeah, making sure that kids are actually number one.

Yeah, it's just how it is, but it wasn't Nah.

We're the ones that came up being told kids should be seen and not heard, right? Yeah yeah, exactly, it's shit. So I'm glad that there's a lot of people out there that are remedying that, getting closer to a bit better parenting these days.

Yeah, and his family Sorry.

No, go for it.

Yeah, and his family, like his mum's family. They've been so fantastic to Carly and I too, like as hard as this whole thing has been on them as well fantastic to Carly and I too, like they've as hard as it this whole thing is has been on them as well. But they've not at any point have they made us feel horrible about what's happened with Wyatt. You know, like they've never sort of made us I don't know if horrible is the right word actually, but I don't know. They've just they've accepted it as good, just as we've accepted it. You know, like it's everything's got to be in Wyatt's best interest in this situation and it works, and it works really well.

I'm glad it's such a rare kind of case as well, where there's really no blame on any individual. No, there should be no blame on why it's mum or why it's family. It's just this fucking horrible circumstance. This piece of shit company is just like. This is the results and they're completely right, yeah, and it sucks that they're held accountable.

No, no, they can't be. I've been in contact with a bloke from Canada and he's got like a handful of people that have been through, going through a similar situation to myself, and he's trying to put together something. But he's just he's really struggling with it because it just seems like there's like it should come under like negligence, like you know, medical negligence, but there's just all these little loopholes and everything like that, but they just seem to be able to jump through and keep doing it?

Yes, Does Wyatt? So Wyatt's seven correct? Yeah, have you and Wyatt discussed why you weren't a part of his life? No no, he hasn't even asked, he just understands. He didn't have a dad and now he does.

Yeah, yeah, and he loves the fact that he's got a dad now and does he call you dad sometimes, sometimes, yeah, it does. Every time.

It makes me cry yeah, just thinking about it made him, fucking make me cry yeah, so sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't, but look, that's fine with me.

Like he could call me Jared for the rest of his life, like I'm just happy that he's there, you know it's like. But I'm surprised that Silas isn't calling me Jared, to be honest, because with Wyatt and Dolly but he's still so Dolly doesn't call you Dad, no, no, she calls me. She calls me Jared, yeah, or Fartbum, or Fartbum, yeah, very good.

Yeah, I can look at those little nicknames. Yeah, same Hendrix. At the moment her vocabulary has just exploded. She's a sponge man. She soaks up all the shit that I say. Yeah, and I was reading a news article a few weeks ago and I can't remember what it was, but. I made a comment about whoever the article was about to George. Yeah, Like this guy's a little instigator and fucking ever since. Hendrix will just be like hey Dad, you're a little instigator, that's awesome. That's my new one.

That's good, Otherwise it's usually like toilet face or fucking fart hand or something. Yeah, but little instigator. For some reason it's just really endearing to me.

Yeah, I like it. I like it. Yeah, silas is just um because he's just turned three on sunday. So he was, he went from not talking very much and not saying many words and then, like the last two weeks is just damn like exploded, like it's just, it's like he was just keeping all these words locked up and just waiting.

As he gets to level three.

Yeah, and now he's just like flat out. It's awesome, it's so good.

Yeah, roman's the same as well. So Roman turned three in August, but Roman had had a bit of profound hearing loss for which he had to get grommets. He got grommets in two days ago and pretty much as soon as he was awake from the surgery his speech is instantly clearer. Yeah, he's able to talk a whole heap more because all of the fluid's been drained from his ears. So, yeah, hearing proving straight away and, yes, he's able to hear how his voice sounds properly.

Yeah, that's. Awesome, it's pretty wild. Yeah.

Yeah, now, old mate won't shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, that's good. So what does the future look like now? Are there any plans on the horizon, any big moves that you're making? Just enjoying?

Yeah, at the moment, after the last 12 months, like we've literally just learnt that, like we've just decided that we just need to just focus on the tasks at hand. Like you know, let's just be happy now for what we have and what it is. And you know, we've both got. You know, carly and I both have businesses that we want to be successful and family we want. We want to keep, you know, we want to keep our family happy and we want to be able to provide for our kids. So that's what we're, we're we're focusing on that and you know, just the little things with the kids and with home life and trying to buy a house, and, yeah, just roll with the punches day by day.

Yeah, trying to buy a house is a stressful fucking journey, especially in this economy.

Oh my God, bro, like the last, however, many weeks are just fucking sleepless nights. And then we've got puppies. At the minute too. Our German shepherd had six puppies and we didn't even know she was pregnant until I was at work on a Saturday and Carly FaceTimed me and she was like what the fuck is going on with Memphis? And she showed me. I was like what, and her belly just dropped. So then I took her to the vet and the vet's like yeah, she's pregnant, she's going to have them in like a week, I reckon. So yeah, she had six puppies a week later and now we've got them. So, like sleepless night because I'm stressing about this fucking house, six puppies carrying on. And then Silas is like he goes to bed good, like real good, but he'll jump in our bed at some point in the night and he sleeps sideways and he like kicks in his sleep and like throws punches in his sleep. So I'd just end up with like heels and toes like knotted in my ribs and stuff. So I'm like it's all right though.

Yeah, the sleep debt is real. Something I feel like will never come back.

Nah, nah, that's it, that's it, but at the same time I'm okay with that.

You've got to try to look at those little moments through kind eyes. Yeah, in the moment you get your fucking foot out of my rib and get so angry. But got to try and think of it like those little feet won't be little forever.

No, and that's how we look at it. You know there's going to be one day he's going to be too old and he's not going to want to jump in bed with mum and dad you know when he's upset or anything like that he's probably not. You know one day he's not going to want to jump in bed with mum and dad, you know when he's upset or anything like that. Like he's probably not. You know one day he's not going to want to tell us what his problems are. So let's just take advantage of it now while we can and make sure that we show him that when he is older and he does have problems, that we give him the support now he might feel like he can come to us.

Yeah, that's perfectly put and that's that's how you tackle parenthood in general. Yeah, yeah, what do you? What do you feel that you do now in parenthood that you wish you had?

everything, bro. You know like, yeah, just just in comfort, um like I did have support.

You know, it's just different it was the support given, not the support you needed yeah, yeah yeah and there is a difference there is a difference and I think you know, fostering that type of relationship with our kids now, where we're able to encourage them to have their own voice and and create their own boundaries, is so, so important in being able to have that relationship once they grow up and where they'll be comfortable and confident in coming to us, like hey, I'm in the shit, I don't need a lecture, I don't want to be in trouble like, but I'm in the shit and I need help. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Fuck me, I could have, I could have really, really used that. I could have used that growing up. But I didn't.

So instead I just doubled down and kept doing more and more dumb shit.

Yep, yep, like there's this, there's that feeling like you just constantly had to keep shit hidden, you know, because it's just like, yeah, if my parents find out this, I'm fucking dead. Yeah, you know that kind of shit.

I was dude. I was just so fucking scared of my dad growing up, and he lived three hours away, you know when we moved in. Yeah, I had a stepdad. I wasn't scared of him. If he wanted to arc up, I would have fucking knocked him out. Fuck off Keith.

But I remember I decided to drop out of year 12 to get a bank as apprenticeship, and I remember mum being like well, you're going to have to call your father and tell him Fuck me, dude. I was so scared and I called him and he pretty much was just like no, you're not doing it, you're finishing school. And I just I remember this ball in my throat and it was, it was coming up. It was coming up and I'm like what's? This is like my entire life of, of not being able to have my own voice with my dad.

I was like get fucked and just hung up on him and I'm like, holy shit, what did I just do? He's 110% going to drive from Aubrey to Bendigo now and beat me to death and that's just not a nice.

It's not.

You should never feel that way about a parent.

It sucks, absolutely, absolutely, yeah, I didn't. I'm, it's not. You should never feel that way about a parent. No, fuck, no, sucks, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I didn't. I'm. I'm so grateful that I never. I did, I never had to. You know, I didn't have those kind of things to worry about.

You know, it was just sort of, yeah, different contexts so before we wrap up, mate, is there anything else you want to throw out into the world at all?

No, not really, Not really Like. What do you mean?

Anything, anything, anything at all. If you want to talk about your business, you can plug your business. Oh no, we've got a fair few listeners around Victoria, so I'll plug your business. Then, sailor's Devil Bendigo, go check out JB and the team. They're absolutely great. Cheers, bro. It's a very welcoming environment too. I like the sign that you've got up about no bullying and no racism and sexism, and if you gotta bring that attitude, you can fuck off yeah, if I can open, I feel like that shit's imperative especially in a modern tattoo parlor yeah, like we still get dude.

Like we had a dude go in there, read the sign and was like, oh, this isn't a fucking place for me to get tattooed. Then he's just like mate, fuck off, man, I don't want you here. Yeah, you know, like, if you can't sit there and be a normal cunt for 10 minutes, get out.

Yeah, can't say anything not offensive.

Yeah, like literally, but that's that generation too, though you know.

That's like the old school kind of old school tattoo scene.

Yeah.

It's a pretty toxic one. Yeah dude it is. That's shocking. That's the difference between tattoo shops and tattoo parlours now.

Yeah.

You know tattoo parlours, like your shop is, you know inclusive and supportive and loving.

Yeah, old school tattoo shops, they have their set of.

Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's it like, and we don't. We, you know we have people coming in and they've got a bad idea. Like we won't tattoo it on them. You know, like we've made, we've made those bad decisions for them kind of people, you know. So we can be like look you, you don't want to this. Like you might think it's a good idea now. I was like, but like we won't do it for you here. If you're that set on doing it, like there's plenty of other shops in town that'll do it, but just don't come back here when you want to cover it up, because I'll tell you. I told you so.

Yeah, 100% Awesome. Well, yeah, thank you very much for coming on again and sharing your journey and just being real with me. Mate, I've learned a whole heap about someone that I've known for a long time. My level of admiration has just increased exponentially. Thanks, brother, you've really come out on the other side just a fucking, even more of an awesome dude than you already were.

Thanks bro, I appreciate that a lot.

Made my day. Man Made my day. Mate, you take it easy, Go do some drawing, get some art done. We can call you and book in some tattoos soon for Christmas and whatnot? Yeah, looking forward to it, bro, sweet, as All right. You and book in some tattoos soon for christmas and whatnot? Yeah, looking forward to it, bro, sweet, as all right. Mate, you have a great day.

I will, bro you too all right bye wake up, it's another day to try and find a way to make it so my life's a better place. If there's one thing I see, then your only thing is me Just knowing that I'm trying to make a change. Can I put it all on me Responsibilities, and all the other nonsense coming by repeating it? If there's one thing I know, it's knowing to let go. Just knowing that I'm trying to make a change, does it seem too much Just to ask for love? Cause there's many things that I'll do over and I've got a lot, but I won't give up On those many things that I do over.