Welcome to Episode 33 of Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast!
In this episode, I sit down with my longtime friend JB, a successful tattoo artist, to discuss his extraordinary journey from our teenage years working at Kmart in Bendigo to becoming a business owner and devoted family man.
Join us as JB opens up about:
Tattooing and Creativity: How JB's chaotic upbringing and punk rock influences led him to a career in tattooing, marked by resilience and artistic expression.
Blended Family Dynamics: Insights into navigating life with his fiancée Karley, her daughter Dolly, his son Wyatt, and their shared son Silas, including the emotional challenges of co-parenting and maintaining positive relationships with ex-partners.
Overcoming Personal Challenges: JB's candid reflections on battling depression and substance abuse, and his journey toward personal growth and emotional healing.
Through heartfelt stories and raw honesty, this episode is a testament to the enduring power of friendship and mutual support. As we recount the highs and lows of JB's journey, we hope to inspire listeners with tales of resilience, the importance of prioritizing children's needs, and the pursuit of happiness in a life filled with love, creativity, and unwavering support.
Follow JB on Instagram
Support the Show:
Thanks for listening to Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, share, and leave a rating and review. Your support helps others discover their new favorite parenting and mental health podcast.
Stay tuned for more insights, tips, and personal stories on parenting and mental health. Thanks again for listening and keep on keeping on!
Connect with Us:
Visit The Touched Out Website
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on TikTok
Thanks for listening to Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, share, and leave a rating and review. Your support helps others discover their new favorite parenting and mental health podcast.
Stay tuned for more insights, tips and personal stories on parenting and mental health.
Thanks again for listening and keep on keeping on!
Connect with Us:
Visit The Touched Out Website
Follow us on Instagram:
Follow us on TikTok
Speaker 1: We would like to acknowledge the traditional
00:00:03
custodians of this land we pay our respects to the Elders, past
00:00:06
, present and emerging, for they hold the memories, the
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traditions and the culture of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait
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Islander people across the nation.
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Warning this podcast contains explicit language and discusses
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sensitive topics related to mental health childhood trauma,
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birth trauma, abuse, miscarriage and suicide.
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Listener discretion is advised.
00:00:30
If you find these subjects distressing or triggering, we
00:00:33
recommend taking caution and considering whether to proceed
00:00:36
with listening.
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If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to
00:00:40
a mental health professional or a trusted individual for support
00:00:43
.
00:00:43
Your wellbeing is our priority.
00:00:45
Hello and welcome to another episode of Touched Out.
00:00:49
I'm your host, Carter, and today I speak to an old friend
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of mine, JB.
00:00:53
Jb and I discuss our early days of working at Kmart together at
00:00:56
16 years old, going through school together, and JB's
00:01:00
remarkable journey as a tattoo artist.
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We also discuss JB's blended family, which consists of JB,
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his fiancee Carly, her daughter Dolly, which they co-parent,
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together with Carly's ex-partner , JB's son Wyatt and their boy
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Silas.
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If you enjoyed today's episode, please like, follow, subscribe,
00:01:20
share and all of that on your favorite podcast platform and
00:01:25
keep on keeping on no, life's been tough, so take a breath
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from everything right here.
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Speaker 3: Take some time, it's alright, you'll be fine.
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The Touchdown Podcast Take all night, you'll be fine, it's
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alright.
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Speaker 1: The Touchdown Podcast .
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Oldest friends, we grew up together in Bendigo, had our
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first jobs together at Kmart, and JB has reached out to come
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onto the podcast today to share an incredibly hectic journey.
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So first of all, thanks for coming on, mate.
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I really appreciate your time.
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Speaker 2: No stress bro.
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Speaker 1: Super excited to get into it.
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So why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, a
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little bit about your family, and we'll go from there?
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Speaker 2: So my name's Jared, I'm 36 years old, I live in
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Bendigo, I own a business in Bendigo and I'm a tattooist.
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I've got my fiancée, carly.
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She is also a small business owner, she owns a barbershop,
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works out of a barbershop here, and together we have three kids.
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So Carly's got a nine-year-old daughter.
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That's my stepdaughter.
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Her name's Dolly.
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I have a seven-year-old boy, his name's Wyatt, and together
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we have a three-year-old boy called.
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Speaker 1: Silas, awesome.
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So why don't you tell me a little bit about your history,
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as in like how you grew up and any sort of significant events
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that happened throughout your life?
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Speaker 2: So growing up it was me and my little brother Rhys.
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My parents were separated and we sort of moved around
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throughout Bendigo quite a lot.
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We've been in a lot of different houses.
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We were sort of never really in a house for longer than a year
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or two.
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We lived with our grandparents on and off and we spent every
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other weekend with our dad, sort of my oldest brother.
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He was here sort of momentarily on and off.
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He lived with us.
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Then he wouldn't live with us and then he would sort of stay
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with us on the weekends and then he wouldn't and that kind of
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stuff.
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He sort of stayed in melton quite often with his dad, lived
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with him.
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Speaker 1: So he was your half-brother, wasn't he?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't really have many memories
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from being a child that I can sort of look back on and think
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that that's significant in the sense of being happy or sort of,
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you know, being miserable.
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It was sort of all just hectic.
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I feel like life has just always been hectic.
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Hectic in what way?
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Just in there's always something going on.
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Yeah, always there was.
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I know I can never really look back on anything and be like, oh
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, there was a moment there where there wasn't chaos or, you know
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, we really sort of got to sit back and take a breath or
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anything like that.
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And I feel like that's resonated into my life as an
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adult.
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And yeah, there's never really, even now, like just when we
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think we're catching our breath and we get, you know, a moment
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or two, something happens and it's just like, bam, well, now
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we've got to deal with this and I guess that's just life, like
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that's just how it is with everyone.
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But it's sort of like you go two weeks and without there
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being an incident and you're like, oh, this is all right, and
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then bam, something happens.
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Speaker 1: I feel like we're always treading water.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel that.
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Yeah, so, as I said, we met each other when we were 16, our
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first jobs at Kmart.
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I'll just tell you kind of my opinion and everything of how I
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saw you when we kind of first met and started kind of going
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through school together and stuff.
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I remember meeting you and instantly thinking that you were
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the type of person that I really, really wanted to be.
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I always remembered that.
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I don't know I don't know why, but I was just like he's just,
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he's just a fucking cool cat, like I always thought it.
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And I remember when I was just feeling really really lost,
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especially in high school, when we went to bendigo senior
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together, we had media class together and, um, I just
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remember being like I'm fucking so glad that I've got class with
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him because he's just fucking cool.
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And, uh, you burnt me two cds used, the used in love and death
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and thursday full collapse, and they still to this day, remain
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to be two of my favorite albums of all time.
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Absolutely, I don't know why.
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I was just like, fuck man, he's just the coolest dude and it's.
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It's really weird because you you filled out the form last
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night to give me a little bit of background on on your life and,
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like reading through it, I was just like holy shit, it's so
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weird to to know someone for such a long time but to know so
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little about them, their personal life and the struggles,
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and it's.
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It really really just goes to show that that there's so many
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people in this world where you can just you can see only the
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surface and they're calm calm as fuck and everything's all g,
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but underneath those little legs are kicking fucking dear life.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, bro, and that's that's the.
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That's just the way I've always I've always dealt with shit.
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I suppose, like it's always, I never want what's going on with
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me to be a burden for anyone else.
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So I know it's like the typical stigma that people have on men,
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where you know they don't like to talk about anything or
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anything like that.
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It's not that I don't want to talk about it, it's just that I
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don't want to burden anyone with my problems.
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Like they're my problems and I should be able to face them
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alone.
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But that's not the case, like, and it's something like I really
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struggle with being able to open up and, yeah, like, I've
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always been that way, even like younger, like skateboarding and
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playing music and stuff like that.
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That was sort of an outlet with me because I could just thrash,
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like I could just, you know, I could just let myself go.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you've been a tattooist, for we're 36
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now, so you've been a tattooist since you were 18, pretty
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correct 20, 20.
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20.
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Yeah, so 16 years, that's half your life, your life, yeah would
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you say that that is your biggest outlet?
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Speaker 2: for me now.
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For me now it is, yeah, like not necessarily tattooing itself
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, but it's more the more like the, the flash and painting and
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all that sort of stuff.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, funnelling your emotions through your art.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and like, at the moment I'm working on just
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like a line book and it's just stuff that I want to tattoo.
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But I've found that it's been quite therapeutic for me to do,
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because I can sit there and I just will start drawing and I
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kind of zone out for an hour, hour and a half and it's like,
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well, where did that time go?
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Like, and the thing is, I'm not even thinking about anything in
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particular other than what I've got to do, and it's sort of
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nice, that's your way of catching your breath.
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Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Because it's just.
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Everything else is drowned out.
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Yeah, yeah, awesome.
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So we'll talk a little bit about how you got into tattooing
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and why, you decided that that career resonated best with you.
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Speaker 2: Oh, I was always around it growing up, like my
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mum getting tattooed, having tattoos, everything going with
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her while she would get tattooed , like me and my little brother,
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and just being around her friend's place just looking
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through tattoo magazines and everything like that.
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It was just something that we were always around and it just
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always stuck with me and I always drew.
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I was always creative as a child and then, you know, I
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started playing punk rock and I was like, well, this is just,
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it's just where the where, where the road leads me.
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I suppose like it's just inevitable for me to go down
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that path and like got my first tattoo when I was 17 and then,
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and that just solidified the fact for me that that's what I
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wanted to do.
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I always sort of wanted to do it, but from that moment I knew
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that that's what I wanted to do and I sort of didn't.
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Really, I didn't give up, I didn't stop until I got my
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apprenticeship and then that's.
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The rest is history.
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Speaker 1: Now I remember and forgive me if my memory is wrong
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, but I remember that you had your apprenticeship but you
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ended up going out on your own before you'd finished it.
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Speaker 2: I feel like you got your own business and was just
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like I'm gonna fucking do this regardless nah, so I did finish
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my apprenticeship and then sort of I went to Adelaide and then
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sort of went on a road trip with my family and then it was good,
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because that sort of gave me a lot of time to think and as much
00:11:34
as where I did my apprenticeship like he's a great
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bloke and we still have communications, but we just had
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very different mindsets.
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So when we got back I was sort of like all right, well, this is
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sort of what I'm going to do now, and then yeah, Just after
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the races yeah.
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Speaker 1: I remember you in your first shop just above the
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whole, above, like Toy World or something like that, yeah, yeah.
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Through the alleyway.
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You tattooed me and my ex-missus and now you tattoo me
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and my wife.
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You've really come up and like, yeah, you've, yeah, you've seen
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me grow up and become a dad and all of this throughout like
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just my tattooing journey as well yeah, which is pretty cool.
00:12:17
It's awesome that we've been able to stay in contact and
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somewhat close, absolutely, bro, absolutely yeah definitely so
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we'll, we'll get into your family.
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How did you meet carly, and how long have you guys been together
00:12:30
?
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Speaker 2: so I met carly through, I suppose I suppose I
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would say through work, like I, she wasn't a client of mine, she
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would.
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She'd come into the work, she would get tattooed off one of
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the blokes in there and, like you know, it wasn't something
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that sort of hit straight away or anything like we were.
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Just we were friends from there , like we talk and everything
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like that.
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And then it sort of wasn't until like a couple of years
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after we first sort of that anything happened between us.
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Because she, when she was getting tattooed in my shop, she
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like she had a partner at the time, like I had a partner as
00:13:14
well, so like it was just nothing to it there.
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And then, yeah, a couple years later we were both, we were both
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single and just I don't know, like a bucket, it just sort of
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blossomed from there.
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And then so we've been together for five years now, engaged,
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yeah, three kids in the process of buying a house.
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It's just it's awesome yeah, yeah, I'm happy for you.
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Speaker 1: Thanks bro.
00:13:44
I love Carly.
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She's a great chick yeah she's awesome.
00:13:46
So you stepped into that relationship with Carly and
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Carly had Dolly, yeah, yeah, so you are Dolly's stepdad, yeah,
00:14:02
and you are also all very, very close with Carly's biological
00:14:08
dad.
00:14:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
00:14:11
Speaker 1: So you guys are all friends and it's all just this
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nice working unit.
00:14:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, mate, it's awesome, it's unreal, I suppose,
00:14:21
for anyone that could be in this position being like a
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stepfather or a stepmother or anything like that having a
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relationship like this with the child's other parent is feel
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essential, like it's great.
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It's not, you know, it's not always rainbows and sunshine,
00:14:41
but it does make things a lot easier and it's awesome rainbows
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and sunshine, but it it does make things a lot easier and
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it's awesome like just just to be able to be friends.
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I feel like that that benefits dolly quite a lot oh, yeah, yeah
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, I think.
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Speaker 1: I think that that that kind of blended family um
00:15:00
where exes or biological parents are still able to be in the
00:15:04
picture and there's no kind of like jealousy or toxicity or
00:15:08
anything like that.
00:15:09
It really is a testament to the care for the dog Absolutely,
00:15:15
and putting that over yourselves or your policies or
00:15:19
insecurities or anything.
00:15:20
Is that something you wanted to be up?
00:15:22
Speaker 2: No, not at all, not at all Like at the end of the
00:15:23
day.
00:15:23
We've wanted to be up.
00:15:24
No, not at all.
00:15:24
Not at all Like at the end of the day.
00:15:26
We've got to be happy in our relationship, but at the same
00:15:29
time we've got to also make sure that the kids are happy and the
00:15:32
kids are getting what they need so we'll talk a little bit now
00:15:39
about why it, why it is seven and why it was.
00:15:43
Speaker 1: Uh well, is your child from a previous
00:15:46
relationship?
00:15:46
Um, now you've told me the story through the form last
00:15:50
night and my jaw was just fucking on the floor the entire
00:15:54
time.
00:15:54
Yeah, it's quite a harrowing journey.
00:15:56
So take your time and and, uh, run us, run us through.
00:15:59
Why Wyatt's history?
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Speaker 2: All right.
00:16:02
So I guess this can sort of stem back.
00:16:05
So Wyatt's mother and I we didn't have a relationship as
00:16:10
such.
00:16:10
We sort of, obviously we hung out a couple of times and then,
00:16:16
nine months later, had a little boy.
00:16:19
Then, nine months later, had a little boy and then sort of
00:16:25
spending time with wire.
00:16:25
And then, sort of just after his first birthday, we started
00:16:28
doing mediation so we could solidify a routine and a
00:16:32
schedule to just to have something in place for me
00:16:37
spending time with him.
00:16:38
And the mediators appointed us a DNA test I'm not sure why, but
00:16:45
so we did it and the results came back that he was not my son
00:16:49
.
00:16:51
So at that point in time all communication was cut off
00:16:56
between Dwight's mother and I and it was sort of I was grief
00:17:02
stricken, I was like I just I just yeah, I just lost my little
00:17:05
boy that's how it felt to me Like it was just just gone and I
00:17:10
was confused.
00:17:11
I was very confused and it was one of the first conversations I
00:17:15
actually had.
00:17:16
Proper conversations I had with Carly was like a week after I
00:17:20
got those results.
00:17:21
I was talking to her at the front of the shop and telling
00:17:24
her about it and she just couldn't believe it.
00:17:26
And then that sort of spiraled me out of control.
00:17:32
I guess you could say I didn't know.
00:17:37
I felt like I what did I do to deserve this?
00:17:44
Like why, where's he gone?
00:17:46
Like what can I do?
00:17:47
And there was nothing I could do, like we had a bit of paper
00:17:51
that said that he wasn't mine, so there was nothing I could do.
00:17:55
I just had to let it go.
00:17:58
But in doing so, it just changed me.
00:18:01
It put me in this dark pit where I just felt worthless.
00:18:08
I felt like I was not good enough.
00:18:09
I was like I just couldn't get out of it.
00:18:13
I just abused anything that would make me feel better, and I
00:18:18
found it hard.
00:18:19
I found it really hard to work.
00:18:19
I found it really hard to get out, feel better, and I found it
00:18:20
hard.
00:18:20
I found it really hard to work.
00:18:20
I found it really hard to get out of bed.
00:18:23
I found it.
00:18:24
I found it hard to do anything.
00:18:26
It was I don't know, I just I even looking back on that time,
00:18:32
like I just look back on who I was and I can't even, I can't
00:18:37
even see myself when I look at that person.
00:18:40
And then this continued on for quite a while until I met Carly
00:18:47
and she helped me put the pieces back together.
00:18:50
She made me realize that I deserve to be happy.
00:18:55
I just have to move past it.
00:18:57
I just have to move past it and I did.
00:19:00
I got the help.
00:19:01
I was medicated, and then I didn't like.
00:19:06
I didn't like being medicated, I didn't like who.
00:19:09
I didn't like feeling numb, I didn't like feeling like I was
00:19:12
just just a person existing either so I was quite the same
00:19:18
with medication.
00:19:19
Speaker 1: I'm guessing it was like antidepressants you were on
00:19:21
.
00:19:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, antidepressants , any anxieties?
00:19:25
Speaker 1: I fucking hated them.
00:19:26
Yeah bro, I hated feeling like there was stuff that I should be
00:19:33
sad about, but I didn't feel any way about them.
00:19:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
00:19:36
It made me feel like less of a Dude.
00:19:39
Same, exactly the same, and I was.
00:19:42
It was so shit like you, because you can sit there and
00:19:47
you can talk to yourself and you can be like, all right, like
00:19:51
this, this is it, but you're just emotionless yeah, I think.
00:19:56
Speaker 1: I think antidepressants are great and
00:19:58
this is just my personal experience.
00:20:00
Obviously everyone's experiences are different but
00:20:03
antidepressants are great for when there's like a need to
00:20:07
balance those chemical levels, yeah, kind of be baseline.
00:20:11
But when there's specific traumas and specific things that
00:20:15
you're going through, I don't think it's highly helpful to
00:20:20
numb.
00:20:21
Speaker 2: No.
00:20:21
Speaker 1: Numb those feelings.
00:20:22
Those feelings are all a part of healing.
00:20:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, feel to heal.
00:20:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't heal if you can't fucking heal.
00:20:29
Speaker 2: No, not at all, not at all.
00:20:31
But yeah, and then, sort of time progressed, I got a hell of
00:20:36
a lot better and it was just nice having, I sort of suppose,
00:20:41
like a void was filled, like I was in a happy, loving
00:20:45
relationship, you know, and I was happy, I was genuinely happy
00:20:49
, you know, for once, finally, and you know, doing everything I
00:20:53
could for Dolly.
00:20:54
And then we got pregnant and we had Silas and that just filled
00:21:02
my heart with just so much love and happiness that just it
00:21:08
changed me and I feel like it's genuinely just a huge pivotal
00:21:13
point in my life where I just stepped up, like I just stepped
00:21:19
out and I just sort of was like no, well, this is who I am and
00:21:23
this is what I've got to do, this is the dad I'm going to be,
00:21:26
and then that's what I've done.
00:21:29
I show up for Dolly and Silas every day, I show up for Carly
00:21:35
every day, for Carly every day.
00:21:46
And then, in March 2022, I got a phone call from one of my
00:21:48
friends and my little brother also, just ringing me to tell me
00:21:50
that there'd been an accident and that Wyatt's mum had passed
00:21:55
away in a car accident the night before.
00:21:58
And I was sadden, sad, and I was shocked.
00:22:01
You know she was part of my puzzle, you know part of my life
00:22:07
in a sense.
00:22:08
You know might not have been a good memory but still.
00:22:11
And then one of Carly's friends knew her.
00:22:14
His little sister was friends with it and he sort of passed on
00:22:20
a message to us that she thought that Wyatt was still
00:22:26
mine and we were sort of taken by it because there had been
00:22:29
years of no communication.
00:22:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the test as well.
00:22:35
Speaker 2: And the test as well.
00:22:36
So I sort of waited, waited a little like a little bit, but
00:22:41
there's only so long you can wait.
00:22:42
Like I know, the family was grieving and I didn't want to be
00:22:45
what was the word?
00:22:46
I didn't want to.
00:22:47
Like make it about you yeah.
00:22:49
Yeah, exactly Exactly.
00:22:50
But I just wanted to let them know what I'd heard.
00:22:54
And because of what I'd heard, it led me and Kylie to do some
00:22:59
research on this company that we did the DNA test through and it
00:23:03
turned out that they had become quite reputable for false
00:23:10
results and mishandling paternity tests, dna tests, and
00:23:16
that there was other people that were you know like, looking
00:23:19
into them.
00:23:19
So I reached out to her family and said that this were you know
00:23:20
like looking into them.
00:23:20
So I reached out to her family and said that this is you know,
00:23:23
this is what I've heard.
00:23:24
They were quiet, you know, they weren't.
00:23:30
They didn't shut me down.
00:23:31
They were quite accepting of the fact that I had reached out
00:23:34
to them.
00:23:35
I didn't put any pressure on them whatsoever.
00:23:36
We had to go through magistrates and solicitors and
00:23:41
everything like that to be able to get appointed another DNA
00:23:43
test.
00:23:44
But, long story short, we got the DNA test done.
00:23:53
The results took a little while and they had to be very careful
00:23:58
with Wyatt taking him to get his DNA done.
00:24:01
Obviously, he'd just lost his mother.
00:24:03
He was very fragile.
00:24:04
He is very fragile and he was very confused as to you know
00:24:09
everything.
00:24:09
He hadn't been told anything yet, but they still had to be
00:24:11
very weary and we got the results back.
00:24:14
He had 99.9% paternal probability that he was my child
00:24:19
.
00:24:19
Like, I still remember opening that letter and just like and
00:24:25
that was in, so this March was accident.
00:24:29
We got the results back in October 2022.
00:24:35
And then I just remember opening that letter.
00:24:37
I'm like Carly and I were standing in the kitchen and I
00:24:40
just opened it and I just broke down.
00:24:42
I was so angry that these years had been taken away from him.
00:24:49
You know, like I was more saddened for him.
00:24:53
And then I was angry at this company about.
00:24:58
You know, how could they do this?
00:24:59
Like, how can they do this to people and how can they get away
00:25:03
with it?
00:25:04
And they're still getting away with it, but there's nothing
00:25:07
that I can do about it.
00:25:08
They're an overseas company and no one here wants to touch it.
00:25:12
And then I was just taken over by well, I've got my little boy
00:25:21
back.
00:25:21
You know it's going to be a long road, but, like, I've got
00:25:27
my little boy back and we'll be able to get there.
00:25:32
Speaker 1: So how long between the tests was that?
00:25:36
Speaker 2: Six years.
00:25:38
Speaker 1: Formative fucking years too, man.
00:25:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I formative fucking years too, man
00:25:42
.
00:25:42
So yeah, yeah, I can't even imagine there's moments in those
00:25:45
six years where I was like shit , I didn't even think I was
00:25:50
going to see the next day, you know, like there was days where
00:25:55
I would just lay in bed and I'd just convince myself.
00:25:58
Well, myself, well, you know, I think today's the day if this
00:26:04
is life, I don't want it.
00:26:05
Speaker 1: Huh yeah, exactly, bro, in there, brother, dark
00:26:09
isn't it?
00:26:09
Speaker 2: yeah, it's dark, it is so dark and he's so it's
00:26:14
fucking dark.
00:26:14
But yeah, and then he it was.
00:26:18
So we got the result back.
00:26:20
Then we had to go, we had to sort of go and figure out.
00:26:22
I had to figure out with why it's arnie and his grandma, um,
00:26:29
how, how were we going to tackle this?
00:26:31
With why, like, how were they going to let him know?
00:26:34
Because he just thought that he didn't have a dad, so he had no
00:26:39
memory of you.
00:26:40
No, he had no memory of me, like there's photos and stuff,
00:26:44
but he, he, he had no memory of me.
00:26:47
So they just let him know.
00:26:50
They were just like look, we've , we found your dad.
00:26:52
Do you want to meet him?
00:26:54
And he just said no.
00:26:56
He was like no, I think I'm okay and you know like, well,
00:27:00
that broke my heart.
00:27:01
But at the same time, like I'm like all right, well, that's
00:27:06
fine.
00:27:07
Like when and if he decides that he does want to meet me,
00:27:12
like this is where I'll be.
00:27:13
And then later on that day I got a phone call and he'd been
00:27:18
asking some questions and he had decided that he did want to
00:27:22
meet me again and that he wanted to meet me tomorrow, like the
00:27:28
next day.
00:27:28
Speaker 1: Yeah right.
00:27:29
Speaker 2: So like that was.
00:27:30
I just can't explain the feeling of meeting him again
00:27:35
that day, thank you so much.
00:27:36
And then, yeah, now it's just full steam ahead Again that day,
00:27:40
thank you so much.
00:27:41
And then, yeah, now it's just full steam ahead.
00:27:42
He lives with his grandparents and we get him every Tuesday
00:27:49
night for tea, and then every second Sunday and then every
00:27:51
Saturday that we don't have him on the Sunday, and it's just
00:27:55
like he, it's just now, it's just like he was never not there
00:27:59
, like Silas loves his big brother, dolly loves their
00:28:04
little brother, and it's awesome .
00:28:07
Speaker 1: Got this perfect family now.
00:28:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's great.
00:28:14
Speaker 1: Beautiful.
00:28:14
Well, it's a fucking rocky road to get to where you're going,
00:28:22
but I'm glad you're there.
00:28:23
Speaker 2: Thanks, bro, it's hard to talk about, you know
00:28:29
like yeah, yeah, it's very hard to talk about.
00:28:33
Speaker 1: I don't doubt it, and I think it's amazing that you
00:28:37
have decided to come on here today to talk about it, because
00:28:40
these types of stories, they happen to people.
00:28:43
Yeah, that's it.
00:28:45
And if it's someone that's going through it and they hear
00:28:49
this, they feel a little less alone in the world.
00:28:52
Yeah, that's the magic of putting things out there and
00:28:58
being, hey, I'm fucking okay, this is what everyone has a
00:29:03
story and everyone feels like their stories are so
00:29:05
insignificant because they feel like they don't matter you
00:29:09
fucking yeah that's it you matter, you always have and you
00:29:12
always will you matter to people .
00:29:15
So is there any kind of plans on having Wyatt full-time in the
00:29:21
future?
00:29:22
Speaker 2: Look, he's his own person, he's quite.
00:29:27
I would never want to take him away from any situation or you
00:29:34
know anywhere that he's happy and he's quite happy.
00:29:37
If one day he decides that he wants to come and live with us,
00:29:41
then my arms will be open.
00:29:43
But you know, I feel, I feel that they might come.
00:29:47
I feel like it also may not, because you know he's got a,
00:29:50
he's got a really good family unit on their side as well and
00:29:55
you know he's he, he's it's free for him to make his own mind up
00:30:00
, you know.
00:30:02
Speaker 1: And.
00:30:02
I think that's the best way to go about it anyway, right.
00:30:05
Speaker 2: Absolutely, bro.
00:30:06
Absolutely Like.
00:30:08
Speaker 1: If you know, if I was forced to stay somewhere when I
00:30:11
was a child, I know the damn well, like that's where I didn't
00:30:14
want to be yeah, I, um, I went through like custody battles as
00:30:20
a kid and shit and I just like I would have been around about
00:30:26
wyatt's age around seven, six or seven going to court and having
00:30:29
to get up on the stand and fucking say who I wanted to live
00:30:33
with.
00:30:34
I didn't remember this distinct feeling of feeling like a puppet
00:30:39
and I didn't have any words to describe it.
00:30:42
But I knew that the fighting battle wasn't about me.
00:30:46
It wasn't about what I wanted, it was about what they fucking
00:30:50
yeah, I remember it just fucking hit me, it made me angry to
00:30:55
think that I would be used that way.
00:30:57
Yeah, so so the fact that you're like, yeah whatever he
00:31:01
wants is what will happen.
00:31:03
That's perfect.
00:31:05
It's such a great, great thing to see so many people our age
00:31:10
and kind of the newer generations doing things so
00:31:13
differently.
00:31:13
Yeah, making sure that kids are actually number one.
00:31:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just how it is, but it wasn't Nah.
00:31:25
Speaker 1: We're the ones that came up being told kids should
00:31:28
be seen and not heard, right?
00:31:29
Yeah yeah, exactly, it's shit.
00:31:33
So I'm glad that there's a lot of people out there that are
00:31:38
remedying that, getting closer to a bit better parenting these
00:31:43
days.
00:31:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, and his family Sorry.
00:31:47
Speaker 1: No, go for it.
00:31:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, and his family, like his mum's family.
00:31:52
They've been so fantastic to Carly and I too, like as hard as
00:32:00
this whole thing has been on them as well fantastic to Carly
00:32:02
and I too, like they've as hard as it this whole thing is has
00:32:04
been on them as well.
00:32:05
But they've not at any point have they made us feel horrible
00:32:12
about what's happened with Wyatt .
00:32:14
You know, like they've never sort of made us I don't know if
00:32:20
horrible is the right word actually, but I don't know.
00:32:23
They've just they've accepted it as good, just as we've
00:32:26
accepted it.
00:32:27
You know, like it's everything's got to be in
00:32:30
Wyatt's best interest in this situation and it works, and it
00:32:34
works really well.
00:32:36
Speaker 1: I'm glad it's such a rare kind of case as well, where
00:32:40
there's really no blame on any individual.
00:32:43
No, there should be no blame on why it's mum or why it's family
00:32:49
.
00:32:49
It's just this fucking horrible circumstance.
00:32:52
This piece of shit company is just like.
00:32:55
This is the results and they're completely right, yeah, and it
00:33:00
sucks that they're held accountable.
00:33:03
Speaker 2: No, no, they can't be .
00:33:05
I've been in contact with a bloke from Canada and he's got
00:33:15
like a handful of people that have been through, going through
00:33:19
a similar situation to myself, and he's trying to put together
00:33:25
something.
00:33:26
But he's just he's really struggling with it because it
00:33:30
just seems like there's like it should come under like
00:33:34
negligence, like you know, medical negligence, but there's
00:33:38
just all these little loopholes and everything like that, but
00:33:41
they just seem to be able to jump through and keep doing it?
00:33:45
Speaker 1: Yes, Does Wyatt?
00:33:47
So Wyatt's seven correct?
00:33:48
Yeah, have you and Wyatt discussed why you weren't a part
00:33:52
of his life?
00:33:53
No no, he hasn't even asked, he just understands.
00:33:58
He didn't have a dad and now he does.
00:34:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and he loves the fact that he's got a
00:34:04
dad now and does he call you dad sometimes, sometimes, yeah, it
00:34:10
does.
00:34:11
Every time.
00:34:11
Speaker 1: It makes me cry yeah, just thinking about it made him
00:34:16
, fucking make me cry yeah, so sometimes he does, sometimes he
00:34:21
doesn't, but look, that's fine with me.
00:34:23
Speaker 2: Like he could call me Jared for the rest of his life,
00:34:25
like I'm just happy that he's there, you know it's like.
00:34:31
But I'm surprised that Silas isn't calling me Jared, to be
00:34:34
honest, because with Wyatt and Dolly but he's still so Dolly
00:34:39
doesn't call you Dad, no, no, she calls me.
00:34:41
She calls me Jared, yeah, or Fartbum, or Fartbum, yeah, very
00:34:48
good.
00:34:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can look at those little nicknames.
00:34:53
Yeah, same Hendrix.
00:34:55
At the moment her vocabulary has just exploded.
00:34:59
She's a sponge man.
00:35:01
She soaks up all the shit that I say.
00:35:04
Yeah, and I was reading a news article a few weeks ago and I
00:35:09
can't remember what it was, but.
00:35:10
I made a comment about whoever the article was about to George.
00:35:15
Yeah, Like this guy's a little instigator and fucking ever
00:35:20
since.
00:35:20
Hendrix will just be like hey Dad, you're a little instigator,
00:35:24
that's awesome.
00:35:25
That's my new one.
00:35:27
That's good, Otherwise it's usually like toilet face or
00:35:29
fucking fart hand or something.
00:35:31
Yeah, but little instigator.
00:35:33
For some reason it's just really endearing to me.
00:35:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like it.
00:35:37
I like it.
00:35:39
Yeah, silas is just um because he's just turned three on sunday
00:35:46
.
00:35:46
So he was, he went from not talking very much and not saying
00:35:50
many words and then, like the last two weeks is just damn like
00:35:55
exploded, like it's just, it's like he was just keeping all
00:35:58
these words locked up and just waiting.
00:36:01
Speaker 1: As he gets to level three.
00:36:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, and now he's just like flat out.
00:36:05
It's awesome, it's so good.
00:36:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, roman's the same as well.
00:36:09
So Roman turned three in August , but Roman had had a bit of
00:36:16
profound hearing loss for which he had to get grommets.
00:36:19
He got grommets in two days ago and pretty much as soon as he
00:36:25
was awake from the surgery his speech is instantly clearer.
00:36:30
Yeah, he's able to talk a whole heap more because all of the
00:36:34
fluid's been drained from his ears.
00:36:35
So, yeah, hearing proving straight away and, yes, he's
00:36:42
able to hear how his voice sounds properly.
00:36:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's.
00:36:46
Awesome, it's pretty wild.
00:36:47
Yeah.
00:36:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, now, old mate won't shut the fuck up.
00:36:50
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
00:36:52
So what does the future look like now?
00:36:55
Are there any plans on the horizon, any big moves that
00:36:59
you're making?
00:37:00
Just enjoying?
00:37:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, at the moment, after the last 12 months, like
00:37:05
we've literally just learnt that , like we've just decided that
00:37:09
we just need to just focus on the tasks at hand.
00:37:14
Like you know, let's just be happy now for what we have and
00:37:20
what it is.
00:37:20
And you know, we've both got.
00:37:22
You know, carly and I both have businesses that we want to be
00:37:26
successful and family we want.
00:37:30
We want to keep, you know, we want to keep our family happy
00:37:33
and we want to be able to provide for our kids.
00:37:35
So that's what we're, we're we're focusing on that and you
00:37:40
know, just the little things with the kids and with home life
00:37:43
and trying to buy a house, and, yeah, just roll with the
00:37:45
punches day by day.
00:37:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, trying to buy a house is a stressful fucking
00:37:52
journey, especially in this economy.
00:37:54
Speaker 2: Oh my God, bro, like the last, however, many weeks
00:37:58
are just fucking sleepless nights.
00:38:02
And then we've got puppies.
00:38:06
At the minute too.
00:38:06
Our German shepherd had six puppies and we didn't even know
00:38:12
she was pregnant until I was at work on a Saturday and Carly
00:38:18
FaceTimed me and she was like what the fuck is going on with
00:38:24
Memphis?
00:38:24
And she showed me.
00:38:25
I was like what, and her belly just dropped.
00:38:28
So then I took her to the vet and the vet's like yeah, she's
00:38:34
pregnant, she's going to have them in like a week, I reckon.
00:38:36
So yeah, she had six puppies a week later and now we've got
00:38:42
them.
00:38:42
So, like sleepless night because I'm stressing about this
00:38:47
fucking house, six puppies carrying on.
00:38:51
And then Silas is like he goes to bed good, like real good, but
00:38:58
he'll jump in our bed at some point in the night and he sleeps
00:39:01
sideways and he like kicks in his sleep and like throws
00:39:07
punches in his sleep.
00:39:08
So I'd just end up with like heels and toes like knotted in
00:39:14
my ribs and stuff.
00:39:16
So I'm like it's all right though.
00:39:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, the sleep debt is real.
00:39:20
Something I feel like will never come back.
00:39:23
Speaker 2: Nah, nah, that's it, that's it, but at the same time
00:39:27
I'm okay with that.
00:39:32
Speaker 1: You've got to try to look at those little moments
00:39:34
through kind eyes.
00:39:35
Yeah, in the moment you get your fucking foot out of my rib
00:39:40
and get so angry.
00:39:41
But got to try and think of it like those little feet won't be
00:39:46
little forever.
00:39:49
Speaker 2: No, and that's how we look at it.
00:39:50
You know there's going to be one day he's going to be too old
00:39:56
and he's not going to want to jump in bed with mum and dad you
00:40:00
know when he's upset or anything like that he's probably
00:40:01
not.
00:40:01
You know one day he's not going to want to jump in bed with mum
00:40:01
and dad, you know when he's upset or anything like that.
00:40:01
Like he's probably not.
00:40:03
You know one day he's not going to want to tell us what his
00:40:05
problems are.
00:40:06
So let's just take advantage of it now while we can and make
00:40:12
sure that we show him that when he is older and he does have
00:40:16
problems, that we give him the support now he might feel like
00:40:19
he can come to us.
00:40:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's perfectly put and that's that's
00:40:30
how you tackle parenthood in general.
00:40:32
Yeah, yeah, what do you?
00:40:32
What do you feel that you do now in parenthood that you wish
00:40:36
you had?
00:40:37
Speaker 2: everything, bro.
00:40:37
You know like, yeah, just just in comfort, um like I did have
00:40:42
support.
00:40:43
Speaker 1: You know, it's just different it was the support
00:40:45
given, not the support you needed yeah, yeah yeah and there
00:40:49
is a difference there is a difference and I think you know,
00:40:52
fostering that type of relationship with our kids now,
00:40:57
where we're able to encourage them to have their own voice and
00:41:02
and create their own boundaries , is so, so important in being
00:41:08
able to have that relationship once they grow up and where
00:41:11
they'll be comfortable and confident in coming to us, like
00:41:14
hey, I'm in the shit, I don't need a lecture, I don't want to
00:41:18
be in trouble like, but I'm in the shit and I need help.
00:41:20
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
00:41:22
Fuck me, I could have, I could have really, really used that.
00:41:26
I could have used that growing up.
00:41:28
But I didn't.
00:41:29
So instead I just doubled down and kept doing more and more
00:41:32
dumb shit.
00:41:33
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, like there's this, there's that
00:41:37
feeling like you just constantly had to keep shit hidden, you
00:41:43
know, because it's just like, yeah, if my parents find out
00:41:45
this, I'm fucking dead.
00:41:46
Yeah, you know that kind of shit.
00:41:49
Speaker 1: I was dude.
00:41:50
I was just so fucking scared of my dad growing up, and he lived
00:41:53
three hours away, you know when we moved in.
00:41:55
Yeah, I had a stepdad.
00:41:58
I wasn't scared of him.
00:41:58
If he wanted to arc up, I would have fucking knocked him out.
00:42:01
Fuck off Keith.
00:42:04
But I remember I decided to drop out of year 12 to get a bank as
00:42:10
apprenticeship, and I remember mum being like well, you're
00:42:14
going to have to call your father and tell him Fuck me,
00:42:17
dude.
00:42:17
I was so scared and I called him and he pretty much was just
00:42:23
like no, you're not doing it, you're finishing school.
00:42:26
And I just I remember this ball in my throat and it was, it was
00:42:32
coming up.
00:42:32
It was coming up and I'm like what's?
00:42:34
This is like my entire life of, of not being able to have my
00:42:38
own voice with my dad.
00:42:41
I was like get fucked and just hung up on him and I'm like,
00:42:46
holy shit, what did I just do?
00:42:47
He's 110% going to drive from Aubrey to Bendigo now and beat
00:42:52
me to death and that's just not a nice.
00:42:56
Speaker 2: It's not.
00:42:57
Speaker 1: You should never feel that way about a parent.
00:42:59
Speaker 2: It sucks, absolutely, absolutely, yeah, I didn't.
00:43:01
I'm, it's not.
00:43:01
You should never feel that way about a parent.
00:43:01
No, fuck, no, sucks, absolutely , absolutely.
00:43:02
Yeah, I didn't.
00:43:03
I'm.
00:43:04
I'm so grateful that I never.
00:43:05
I did, I never had to.
00:43:08
You know, I didn't have those kind of things to worry about.
00:43:12
Speaker 1: You know, it was just sort of, yeah, different
00:43:14
contexts so before we wrap up, mate, is there anything else you
00:43:17
want to throw out into the world at all?
00:43:18
Speaker 2: No, not really, Not really Like.
00:43:22
What do you mean?
00:43:23
Speaker 1: Anything, anything, anything at all.
00:43:26
If you want to talk about your business, you can plug your
00:43:29
business.
00:43:29
Oh no, we've got a fair few listeners around Victoria, so
00:43:35
I'll plug your business.
00:43:36
Then, sailor's Devil Bendigo, go check out JB and the team.
00:43:40
They're absolutely great.
00:43:41
Cheers, bro.
00:43:42
It's a very welcoming environment too.
00:43:44
I like the sign that you've got up about no bullying and no
00:43:47
racism and sexism, and if you gotta bring that attitude, you
00:43:51
can fuck off yeah, if I can open , I feel like that shit's
00:43:55
imperative especially in a modern tattoo parlor yeah, like
00:44:00
we still get dude.
00:44:02
Speaker 2: Like we had a dude go in there, read the sign and was
00:44:04
like, oh, this isn't a fucking place for me to get tattooed.
00:44:07
Then he's just like mate, fuck off, man, I don't want you here.
00:44:11
Yeah, you know, like, if you can't sit there and be a normal
00:44:15
cunt for 10 minutes, get out.
00:44:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, can't say anything not offensive.
00:44:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, like literally, but that's that generation too,
00:44:26
though you know.
00:44:28
Speaker 1: That's like the old school kind of old school tattoo
00:44:33
scene.
00:44:35
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:44:36
Speaker 1: It's a pretty toxic one.
00:44:37
Yeah dude it is.
00:44:39
That's shocking.
00:44:40
That's the difference between tattoo shops and tattoo parlours
00:44:42
now.
00:44:43
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:44:45
Speaker 3: You know tattoo parlours, like your shop is, you
00:44:48
know inclusive and supportive and loving.
00:44:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, old school tattoo shops, they have their
00:44:59
set of.
00:45:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's it .
00:45:04
That's it like, and we don't.
00:45:04
We, you know we have people coming in and they've got a bad
00:45:08
idea.
00:45:08
Like we won't tattoo it on them .
00:45:11
You know, like we've made, we've made those bad decisions
00:45:14
for them kind of people, you know.
00:45:16
So we can be like look you, you don't want to this.
00:45:20
Like you might think it's a good idea now.
00:45:21
I was like, but like we won't do it for you here.
00:45:26
If you're that set on doing it, like there's plenty of other
00:45:28
shops in town that'll do it, but just don't come back here when
00:45:32
you want to cover it up, because I'll tell you.
00:45:34
I told you so.
00:45:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, 100% Awesome.
00:45:39
Well, yeah, thank you very much for coming on again and sharing
00:45:44
your journey and just being real with me.
00:45:48
Mate, I've learned a whole heap about someone that I've known
00:45:51
for a long time.
00:45:52
My level of admiration has just increased exponentially.
00:45:57
Thanks, brother, you've really come out on the other side just
00:46:01
a fucking, even more of an awesome dude than you already
00:46:05
were.
00:46:06
Speaker 2: Thanks bro, I appreciate that a lot.
00:46:09
Speaker 1: Made my day.
00:46:09
Man Made my day.
00:46:10
Mate, you take it easy, Go do some drawing, get some art done.
00:46:15
We can call you and book in some tattoos soon for Christmas
00:46:18
and whatnot?
00:46:18
Yeah, looking forward to it, bro, sweet, as All right.
00:46:20
You and book in some tattoos soon for christmas and whatnot?
00:46:21
Yeah, looking forward to it, bro, sweet, as all right.
00:46:21
Mate, you have a great day.
00:46:23
Speaker 3: I will, bro you too all right bye wake up, it's
00:46:28
another day to try and find a way to make it so my life's a
00:46:36
better place.
00:46:38
If there's one thing I see, then your only thing is me Just
00:46:44
knowing that I'm trying to make a change.
00:46:48
Can I put it all on me Responsibilities, and all the
00:46:55
other nonsense coming by repeating it?
00:46:58
If there's one thing I know, it's knowing to let go.
00:47:04
Just knowing that I'm trying to make a change, does it seem too
00:47:11
much Just to ask for love?
00:47:14
Cause there's many things that I'll do over and I've got a lot,
00:47:23
but I won't give up On those many things that I do over.