Welcome to Episode 34 of Touched Out!: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast!
In this episode, I sit down with Naomi, a passionate entrepreneur, mental health advocate, and mother, to explore her remarkable journey from a high-pressure finance career to building a life aligned with her values. Naomi shares how she embraced change amidst the chaos of pregnancy, COVID-19, and mental health challenges, creating opportunities for parents through her business ventures, including Our Gypsy Collection and a talent agency designed to provide flexible work.
Join us as Naomi opens up about:
- Leaving a Finance Career to Build a Life of Passion: Why she chose a spiritual, creative path over a corporate career and how her ventures reflect her personal growth.
- Navigating Mental Health Diagnoses: Her experiences with anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and major depressive disorder, and the challenges women face in receiving proper diagnosis and care.
- Motherhood Amidst Adversity: From pregnancy complications to the joy of motherhood, Naomi shares how she coped with fears of miscarriage and found strength through community.
- Mental Health Advocacy and Innovation: How Naomi is breaking stigmas with ideas like home birth-friendly Airbnbs and leading fundraisers for the Black Dog Institute.
Through her candid storytelling, Naomi reminds us of the importance of empathy, resilience, and supportive communities in managing life's toughest challenges. Whether you're navigating mental health struggles, balancing family life, or building a business, this episode offers insights and encouragement to keep moving forward.
Support the Show:
Thanks for listening to Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast! If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, share, and leave a rating or review. Your support helps others discover their new favorite parenting and mental health podcast.
Connect with Us:
Visit The Touched Out Website
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Thanks for listening to Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, share, and leave a rating and review. Your support helps others discover their new favorite parenting and mental health podcast.
Stay tuned for more insights, tips and personal stories on parenting and mental health.
Thanks again for listening and keep on keeping on!
Connect with Us:
Visit The Touched Out Website
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Speaker 1: We would like to acknowledge the traditional
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custodians of this land.
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We pay our respects to the Elders past, present and
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emerging, for they hold the memories, the traditions and the
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culture of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people
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across the nation.
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Warning this podcast contains explicit language and discusses
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sensitive topics related to mental health childhood trauma,
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birth trauma, abuse, miscarriage and suicide.
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Listener discretion is advised.
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If you find these subjects distressing or triggering, we
00:00:33
recommend taking caution and considering whether to proceed
00:00:36
with listening.
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If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to
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a mental health professional or a trusted individual for support
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.
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Your wellbeing is our priority.
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G'day everyone.
00:00:47
Before we dive in, I wanted to give a quick update.
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Some of you may have noticed I've been off social media
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lately and new episodes have stopped.
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I'm doing okay.
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The podcast is still alive, but I've taken a step back from
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social media to focus on my mental health, my family and my
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career.
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I don't have a set timeline for my return, but I'll release one
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or two more episodes for 2024 and that will be the conclusion
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of season two.
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After that, I'll take a short break and be back with season
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three in early 2025.
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Also, I have some incredibly exciting news.
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Touched Out is a finalist in the 2024 Australian Podcast Awards,
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in both the parenting category and the editor's choice in
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specialised podcasts category.
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I'm truly honoured to be recognised alongside such
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amazing creators.
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Thank you to everyone who has listened, rated, reviewed and
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supported the show.
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I couldn't have reached this point without you all.
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Now let's get into today's conversation with Naomi from
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Romsey, an incredible entrepreneur and mother who's
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built multiple businesses while navigating mental health
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challenges.
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Her story is one of resilience, community support and balancing
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life's many roles.
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I hope you love it.
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Speaker 3: It's been tough, so take a breath from everything
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right here at home.
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Take some time, it's alright.
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You'll be fine after a touch of a cat, it's alright.
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The Touchdown Podcast.
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Take all night, you'll be fine.
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It's alright, the Touchdown.
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Speaker 1: Podcast.
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Alright.
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So today we've got Naomi from Romsey.
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How are you going, naomi?
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Speaker 2: I'm good.
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I'm good, how are you?
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Speaker 1: I'm well, thank you.
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Thank you for joining me today.
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Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
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Speaker 1: You're more than welcome, so we'll start off with
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a little bit about yourself and a little bit about your family.
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Speaker 2: Okay, I'm 28.
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I moved to Romsey when I was six weeks pregnant, so that was
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fun trying to move with morning sickness and, yeah, not ideal.
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I have a few.
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Well, I've got a couple of businesses that I run from home
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and I've got a 14 month old daughter, and I've also got an
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eight year old stepdaughter as well.
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Speaker 1: Awesome, so you run multiple businesses from home
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while being full-time mum.
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Speaker 2: Yes.
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Speaker 1: That must be a lot.
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Speaker 2: It is.
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Yeah, it's definitely getting harder the older she's getting,
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obviously on the move a lot more , so it has its challenges.
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But I really wanted something that I could do without having
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to leave her and without having to put her into child care just
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for my own anxiety.
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So that's kind of where my second business has stemmed from
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is trying to create something that other mums or parents can
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do the same thing, that they can still earn an income whilst
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being a parent.
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Especially with the rising cost of living, most people can't
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afford not to work, so that's yeah, it's getting pretty crazy,
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isn't it?
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It's insane, absolutely insane.
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Speaker 1: So I know that you run one business, Our Gypsy
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Collection.
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Yes, do you want to tell me a little bit about that.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I started that one.
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It's been about five years and I was working in finance and I
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was working from home and I hated it.
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I was crying every day.
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I was a business development manager and I had so much
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anxiety around calling people not cold calling, but trying to
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build up relationships with people I knew nothing about and
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so I thought I just want to do something that I enjoy every
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single day, something that's not work, and I grew up with
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crystals and sort of spirituality and I enjoy that
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sort of thing.
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So I just pretty much started.
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I just started buying things, I started, I registered my
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business, I did everything sort of within a day, which in
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hindsight, was a mistake to do it that way, but-.
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Speaker 1: The now or never kind of thing.
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Speaker 2: It was yeah, and it kind of it was never a full-time
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thing, I was doing it on the side.
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And then I started working as a travel agent and then it fell
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to the side again and then COVID hit and I picked it back up.
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But then I went back to work and so it was kind of just off
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on, off on.
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And then I got pregnant and had my baby and now it's kind of
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it's really picking back up again and so that's yeah, that's
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the scope of how that happened and it's evolved.
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I was sort of selling crystals and now it's more crystal-based
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products.
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So I'm launching a crystal jewelry collection and do
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candles and sell bohemian clothing as well.
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So that's my product-based business.
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Speaker 1: Awesome.
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And what are your other businesses?
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Speaker 2: So I have a talent agency slash virtual assistant
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agency.
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So that's kind of what's picked up in the last few months and
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that is where everything stemmed from, from me wanting to find
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something that I could do from home or anywhere really, and
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still be there for my daughter, and it's something that I want
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to sort of, I guess, share with other people and sort of teach
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them how they can do it as well.
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Because it's yeah, it's been amazing.
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I did try to go back to work, not because I wanted to, because
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we had to.
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You know, interest rates were going through the roof and I was
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on maternity leave and we didn't expect, we didn't prepare
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for it.
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So I did start working casually and that was really hard because
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I was breastfeeding, so you know, I'm working, I'm pumping
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before work, during work, after work, and just for a little bit
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of money.
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So it was really hard.
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So then I started working for someone just doing a few hours a
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day, just like email management , just really basic, and it kind
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of grew and she liked what I was doing.
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So she asked me to do more hours and more hours, and then
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it got to a point where I'm doing full-time hours, which is
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great, and then she has quite a large following on social media
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and people were asking her who she uses to run her or to manage
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her business, and she was kind enough to share my details,
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along with a couple of other people she works with, and
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that's where it kind of took off .
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But I didn't have anywhere to direct these people because I
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was just doing it from my own sort of personal page, and so I
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thought maybe I could make something out of this.
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And yeah, it's taken off.
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I've got a lot of clients starting.
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I'm able to charge more for my time, which means that I can
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work less hours, and I've got two of my sisters who are going
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to be starting to do some work for me as well, which it's
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overwhelming because I haven't planned for it, but it's a good
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overwhelming.
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So my next step is to take this and teach other people how to
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do it, so that they don't have to make that decision about
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leaving their kids or being stuck in a job that they hate.
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So there's that business.
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And then I haven't really picked this one up, but I have
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registered a clothing line and I registered on my daughter's
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first birthday, so it's going to be for her.
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So hopefully one day it'll be women's clothing, but hopefully
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one day I can pass that down to her.
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Speaker 1: So Very cool.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: A lot of fingers in different pies, huh.
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Speaker 2: Yes.
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Speaker 1: Look at all beats working in finance.
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I come from that world as well.
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I did, you know, over a decade in call centers and in finance
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roles, and it's just it's soul crushing, isn't it.
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Speaker 2: I was going to say it's soul destroying yeah.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I found myself like on the train every day,
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just hoping that the train would fall off the track, just like
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some shit would happen there.
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I didn't have to go into this fucking office again.
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Speaker 2: Yeah Well, I mean, it wasn't until I was made
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redundant from the first job that I got out of it, and then I
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made my way back into it and I was like God, I've got to get
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out of this because it'll just keep happening.
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Speaker 1: It's this weird black hole it pulls you in and it's
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just horrible, horrible experiences I actually, so I
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left my finance job to work in a prison, which is just you know
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like.
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That says it all.
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I'd rather go and risk my life and my health than write another
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fucking finance report.
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Speaker 2: That's so interesting .
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I am so interested in that side of things.
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I dated someone who was a prison guard in a maximum
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security prison, and it's just some of the things you hear are
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crazy.
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Speaker 1: I work in youth justice.
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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so it's different.
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Speaker 1: Different world, but definitely a lot more.
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I'd say a lot more challenging because, from what I've heard,
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adult correctional facilities, even though the dangers are a
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lot higher, they happen a lot less because there's a little
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bit more emotional regulation in adults.
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Speaker 2: A bit more structure going on.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Speaker 1: So it's a wild time, but I'm actually leaving that
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space because we're closing down at the end of the year and I am
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currently studying to become a counsellor.
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So this podcast has kind of led me on that journey.
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Speaker 2: That's amazing.
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That's so good.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty cool.
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So we'll dive into your past with mental health and all of
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the things surrounding that, if you're happy to do that.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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What do you want to know?
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Speaker 1: Give me from the beginning.
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Speaker 2: Okay.
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So growing up I was very particular about things.
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I would be very let's see, how can I put this?
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I was very particular, always on the go, loved a challenge,
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and I loved school.
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Growing up I was really, really good at school and it wasn't
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until sort of grade six that my school teacher, she, found a
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program for high school to work in an accelerated program.
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So what that was was doing six years of schooling in five.
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So I finished year 12 when I was 16.
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And so I essentially got to skip a year.
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It was just condensed, condensed down, and I guess the
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first sign of actually realising something was going on was
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probably when my parents divorced.
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I was about 12 or 13.
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And the anxiety that I had when I was little, it was just
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maximized, it was just out of control.
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I hated going to high school, which was completely different
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for me.
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I'd never experienced that, crying every day, just making
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myself sick over it, and I spoke to several counselors and had
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really bad experiences with counselors.
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I've just found that a lot of them were just very
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surface-based.
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They were just, they didn't feel like they cared.
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Speaker 1: What was going on Really, yeah, exactly yeah, yeah
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, I've found that with a lot of counsellors as well.
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Yeah, just like tick and flick, like you're fine, off you go,
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it's a lot of like let's talk about your feelings, but not
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let's fix how you're feeling, or let's teach you how to fix your
00:12:06
feelings.
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Speaker 2: Exactly or find out what's really going on.
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And I guess it was when I was about 15 that I started
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experiencing extreme I guess OCD tendencies, like extreme.
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I'd come home from school, have to change my clothes, wouldn't
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let people in my room, had to have order, I was afraid of
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germs, afraid of getting sick, afraid of things happening.
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And I started seeing a psychiatrist and they diagnosed
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obsessive compulsive disorder and major depressive disorder
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and that was hard to sort of accept for me.
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I didn't want to accept that there was something wrong with
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me as a kid, like I just didn't understand the label and I
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didn't want a label.
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And I internalized that I hid that from everyone.
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You know, going through high school I hid it, I didn't want
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to share it with anyone.
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But then I got to year 12 and I decided that I was sick of
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hiding it and I was sick of you know, sort of sheltering who I
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was.
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And so I shared it and you know I'd had this class of people
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that I'd gone the whole way through high school because we
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were all in this accelerated program and I've never really
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talked about this.
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But like I shared it with them and you know I thought these
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people I've known them for five years, six years.
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You know a lot of them on similar journeys.
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You know on the spectrum, things like that.
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You know very intelligent people and it was the worst
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thing I've ever done.
00:13:36
They made my life a living hell .
00:13:40
You know toying with me, touching my things on purpose.
00:13:43
I even had a teacher that was teasing me and I was really
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particular about like I didn't want to use the laptops that we
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had, like the shared laptops, and she called me out in front
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of the class and wouldn't pass my.
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So it was my final year of school and I stopped going to
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her class because I didn't want to be teased, and so she stopped
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.
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She wouldn't mark my work off even though I'd done the work
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because I didn't attend her class.
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And then there was times where I, you know I would be sitting
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alone because I, you know, I isolated myself.
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I'd sit alone and people would come and just push my stuff off
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the desk or, you know, come and, like you know, mess things up
00:14:21
for me, and that was really hard and I decided that I was like
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you know, mess things up for me, and that was really hard and I
00:14:24
decided that I was like I'm not coming back and that took a
00:14:28
little bit of time and it was a really internal battle because I
00:14:31
really wanted to finish high school but I also didn't want to
00:14:34
be in front of these people.
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So it took a bit of time and I went back.
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I finished I was doing a diploma at the same time in
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photography and so I finished that and I kind of just
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distanced myself from everyone and I started my first business
00:14:49
when I was six as a photographer .
00:14:51
And that was kind of my first real experiences with mental
00:14:55
health.
00:14:56
And I've been on medication since I was 15 for, like, my
00:15:01
antidepressants and you know there have been times where I've
00:15:03
tried to stop them and I've ended up in emergency, you know,
00:15:08
wanting to kill myself, and it's just been a really tricky
00:15:13
thing to deal with, especially when people don't see that on
00:15:17
the outside.
00:15:18
They think you're fine, you know You're not showing it, so
00:15:23
there's nothing wrong.
00:15:24
That was my experience, I think .
00:15:27
Yeah, I really struggled with that.
00:15:29
That was my first sort of experience with with mental
00:15:32
health.
00:15:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, just goes to show that you know, even though
00:15:35
you've got these kids that you've been friends with for you
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know half a decade, who also have a range of mental health
00:15:42
issues, still had this severe lack of empathy towards you when
00:15:46
you were, you know, vulnerable and honest with them.
00:15:48
And it just goes to show how emotional intelligence really,
00:15:52
really doesn't mature.
00:15:54
Like all, teenagers are assholes.
00:16:00
Speaker 2: Literally yeah.
00:16:01
Speaker 1: And I bet that you know being grown up.
00:16:04
Some of them would look back now and be like oh, why did I do
00:16:07
that?
00:16:08
Speaker 2: It doesn't make it okay, but yeah, I did actually
00:16:11
have someone reach out to me a couple of years after high
00:16:14
school and apologize for what he put me through, which meant a
00:16:17
lot because I and I, whenever I talk to people like you know
00:16:22
family, they're like it's because you fight back.
00:16:26
They're not going to do it to people who are that vulnerable
00:16:30
and crippled with anxiety on the outside that they can see is
00:16:34
going to break them.
00:16:35
So it was kind of like a blessing and a curse in a way.
00:16:39
It was like you're strong enough to take this, so we're
00:16:42
going to do it to you.
00:16:43
Yeah.
00:16:45
Speaker 1: My experience is quite the opposite.
00:16:46
I didn't fight back and I got it even worse.
00:16:50
Speaker 3: Really, oh my God.
00:16:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was bullied relentlessly all through school
00:16:55
until like the later years of school where I was just fed up
00:16:58
and I was like, fucking fight back.
00:17:00
And I started fighting back and it died down a little bit.
00:17:03
Yeah, yeah but yeah, for the most part.
00:17:06
Like I was very much a freeze or flee kind of person, not a
00:17:09
fight person.
00:17:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, it's yeah, like you said, it's one of
00:17:15
those things where it's hard because, yeah, there was these
00:17:19
clear mental health issues with majority of the people in that
00:17:23
class.
00:17:23
You know all high-functioning in that class, you know all high
00:17:25
functioning intelligent people with.
00:17:27
You know below the surface mental health issues and still
00:17:33
had, you know, had that.
00:17:35
Speaker 1: So yeah, do you?
00:17:36
Think in retrospect.
00:17:38
You think it could be like them projecting as well.
00:17:41
It's like I don't want to deal with my shit, so let's just
00:17:44
focus on her shit.
00:17:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so.
00:17:46
I think it's a defense mechanism and it's, you know, if
00:17:49
everyone's taking it out on her , they're not going to focus on
00:17:53
me.
00:17:53
So yeah, I think that that was definitely the case.
00:17:56
Speaker 1: And the only way we can change that is just by
00:17:58
normalizing mental health more and more, which you know, that's
00:18:02
the whole point of podcast, really.
00:18:04
So you've got your diagnosis, you've been on meds, you've
00:18:13
finished school, you've started your business.
00:18:14
What does your life over those years look like, once you've
00:18:16
started your photography business?
00:18:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was really good for me to have that
00:18:21
creative outlet and I think that I've always wanted to have and
00:18:24
I think a part of it was and I think that I've always wanted to
00:18:25
have and I think a part of it was a bit of control.
00:18:27
I've always wanted to have that control of my own life and I
00:18:32
guess it was just that I didn't know how to run the business and
00:18:37
you've got a set of skills but that doesn't necessarily
00:18:39
translate into an income.
00:18:41
So I started working in hospitality as a hotel
00:18:47
receptionist.
00:18:47
I moved my way up to hotel supervisor, so I did that for a
00:18:52
couple of years and by that time I was 18.
00:18:54
And I guess I've never been the type to like, growing up, you
00:18:59
know, friends would go out to parties and drink and that
00:19:03
wasn't for me and I lost friends over that because I chose to
00:19:08
study and I chose school, and so I grew up doing that.
00:19:13
And when I finished high school , the friends that I did have,
00:19:15
they were all older, so they were all going out, they were
00:19:19
all going to clubs and pubs and I was 16.
00:19:21
So I kind of had that two years of just doing, you know, my
00:19:25
business stuff.
00:19:25
So when I was 18 or 19, I found my way into finance.
00:19:29
I had a friend who asked if I wanted to work with her and so I
00:19:33
got into equipment finance or hospitality equipment finance,
00:19:38
and that's how I got in the finance industry.
00:19:41
And I found that around sort of 20, 20 years old that's when I
00:19:46
sort of let loose.
00:19:48
I guess I had my moment of I didn't have that youth, I didn't
00:19:53
go out, I didn't experience everything.
00:19:55
So I went down a really dark path of just, you know, from
00:20:00
Thursday night to Sunday night, just party, party, party, party,
00:20:03
and I didn't like who I was, but I couldn't stop and it was
00:20:09
just this cycle, this cycle, and I think it was a lot of hurt
00:20:14
that I had, you know, because I was being treated awful by
00:20:17
people, by men, but I kept going back for more and more and more
00:20:20
, and I knew, I know, and I knew that it was not how I wanted to
00:20:27
be treated and but I just didn't know what to do, how to
00:20:31
fix it.
00:20:32
And so that happened for quite a few years until I got to the
00:20:36
point of I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to be
00:20:39
treated this way, I don't want to hate myself, I don't want to
00:20:41
regret the things that I'm doing .
00:20:42
And so I found myself in a relationship, a long-term
00:20:47
relationship, and we moved in together.
00:20:51
We got a couple of dogs and things were good.
00:20:55
Things were going good until one day they weren't going good
00:20:59
and he said that he didn't want to be with me anymore and kind
00:21:02
of took me by surprise, kind of blew my mind and I was back at
00:21:06
rock bottom.
00:21:07
I had this house, had two dogs, and I found myself I had to
00:21:14
move back home and start all over again, and so that was
00:21:19
really really hard yeah, really hard and I found myself back in
00:21:23
that pattern of going out again and sorry.
00:21:26
And I experienced something that I've never really talked
00:21:31
about, but I and that was really that was, you know that was
00:21:37
tough because you know it was on a night out and the police, you
00:21:42
know you go down the route of reporting it and it got to a
00:21:47
point of them saying look, it's going to be your word against
00:21:50
his.
00:21:50
So it's up to you what you want to do, but it's going to be two
00:21:54
years of hell, you know.
00:21:56
So what do you want to do?
00:21:58
Do you want to pursue it or do you want to drop the case?
00:22:01
So that was really tough.
00:22:03
So I decided to drop the case, which that's hard, because then
00:22:08
you think and it's kind of like no one believes you because you
00:22:14
know, and I guess, that I did everything that I needed to do,
00:22:17
so that it's on record.
00:22:17
So if it does happen to someone else, then I've got a better
00:22:21
chance of something sort of happening.
00:22:23
But yeah, that was kind of another turning point in my life
00:22:24
.
00:22:24
And then I've got a better chance of something sort of
00:22:25
happening.
00:22:25
But yeah, that was kind of another turning point in my life
00:22:26
.
00:22:26
And then I went overseas.
00:22:28
So I got a scholarship to go to India.
00:22:31
So I was in the finance industry and we were helping
00:22:34
people over in India and villages through microfinance so
00:22:38
women in particular helping them by giving them money for
00:22:42
them to start their business and then give the money back and
00:22:45
then we'd give it to more people .
00:22:46
So I applied for a scholarship and I got to go over there.
00:22:51
And that happened just before I got to go.
00:22:54
So it was kind of it happened at the right time.
00:22:56
I decided to extend the time over there.
00:23:00
So I ended up going to India.
00:23:01
I went to Dubai, zambia, zimbabwe.
00:23:03
So I ended up going to India.
00:23:03
I went to Dubai, zambia, zimbabwe, egypt, and that was so
00:23:07
good for me.
00:23:08
I was on my own, you know.
00:23:09
Yeah, I think I was like 21 or 20, 21, you know, mum didn't
00:23:16
want me to go to Africa by myself, but it was the best
00:23:18
thing that I've ever done.
00:23:19
Speaker 1: I came back, just get away from it.
00:23:20
Speaker 2: All it was so good yeah, it was so good just to be
00:23:26
on my own, because I'd never really been on my own and that's
00:23:27
kind of where my love for travel stemmed from.
00:23:29
So when I got back and you know , I decided that I wanted to
00:23:33
pursue that.
00:23:34
So I ended up doing a diploma of travel and tourism and
00:23:37
getting into travel agent work and I ended up meeting my now
00:23:43
partner in the finance industry, so before I left the finance
00:23:47
industry and yeah, so got into that and then COVID hit.
00:23:52
So I was stood down for a year and then got back.
00:23:57
Speaker 1: Sorry, I missed all of that.
00:23:59
You completely froze.
00:24:00
So you met your partner in the finance industry.
00:24:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I met your partner in the finance industry.
00:24:07
Yeah, so I met my partner in the finance industry before I
00:24:13
was made redundant.
00:24:13
And then I moved into being a travel agent.
00:24:15
So I finished my diploma of travel and tourism and worked in
00:24:17
that industry.
00:24:18
And then COVID hit and I was stood down for a year and that's
00:24:22
when I sort of focused more on my business and then they stood
00:24:26
me back up.
00:24:26
So I went back into that and decided I want to have a baby,
00:24:30
but I also have endometriosis, so I thought it was going to
00:24:34
take a really long time to conceive, which is what I was
00:24:36
told.
00:24:37
I'd had surgery to remove cysts and we fell pregnant.
00:24:41
So that was.
00:24:42
That was really good it was.
00:24:44
Yeah, it was a bit of a surprise, but yeah.
00:24:47
And then we built our house out in Romsey and we've been here
00:24:51
two years in November, but then it wasn't until I had my
00:24:55
daughter that I went down another path of diagnosis for my
00:24:59
mental health, because I just found that something wasn't
00:25:02
quite right, and so I've just been diagnosed with ADHD as well
00:25:07
.
00:25:07
Speaker 1: Hey, welcome to the club.
00:25:09
That's a whole new lane to be in, isn't it?
00:25:14
Speaker 2: Oh my God, but it makes sense for me, like I just
00:25:17
have so much more understanding about who I am Like you said
00:25:21
before and I didn't want to jump into it too quickly, but like
00:25:24
my fingers in so many pies and like just want to do everything
00:25:28
and like Just jump here, jump here, jump here.
00:25:31
But like yeah.
00:25:32
Speaker 1: There's just so so many people that are, you know,
00:25:35
25, 35 that are getting these diagnoses, and there's so many
00:25:41
people out there that are just so dismissive of it because
00:25:44
they're like, oh, it's just a fucking fad, it's just like the
00:25:47
new trend.
00:25:48
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:25:49
Speaker 1: And what they don't realize is it's not a trend.
00:25:50
And what they don't realise is it's not a trend it's a real
00:25:54
thing.
00:25:55
That's happening because we all fell through the cracks,
00:25:57
because we didn't fit that typical mould of ADD or ADHD
00:25:58
back in the you know 90s and early 2000s, where you know the
00:26:03
kids that had ADHD were like flipping tables and bouncing off
00:26:06
the walls and telling teachers to go fuck themselves.
00:26:09
They didn't realise there's different types of ADHD.
00:26:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's wild.
00:26:15
Speaker 3: Well, congratulations .
00:26:16
Speaker 2: Thank you and it's like it was so nice to speak to
00:26:22
a psychiatrist and for him to say like, especially, you know,
00:26:29
a lot of women fall through the cracks because it's all
00:26:30
internalized.
00:26:31
It's like you said, they don't project it, they're not, you
00:26:32
know, disruptive or they're not, you know, like flipping tables
00:26:35
and things like that.
00:26:36
So it was just, it was so nice, but again I did.
00:26:40
I was in a bit of denial at first because I didn't want to
00:26:42
have that stigma.
00:26:43
You hear ADHD and a lot of people still think it's flipping
00:26:47
tables.
00:26:48
Speaker 1: It's telling teachers to go find something else.
00:26:49
This one's going to be too much .
00:26:50
Yeah, yeah, too much work, yeah .
00:26:53
Speaker 2: Also, you know I'm just adding to.
00:26:55
You know I've got anxiety, ocd, mdd, adhd.
00:26:59
You're like I'm just racking them up.
00:27:01
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:27:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's been a bit of a learning curve.
00:27:04
Speaker 1: The really cool thing about ADHD.
00:27:06
Sorry to butt in no you're all right.
00:27:07
Especially with diagnoses in women.
00:27:11
I found out that all of the markers and the diagnosing
00:27:16
process for ADHD it's all geared towards men and that's why so
00:27:20
many women don't get diagnosed with it.
00:27:22
So my wife has also been diagnosed with ADHD last year or
00:27:25
start of this year maybe, but you know she had all of those
00:27:29
diagnoses that you've had too.
00:27:31
You know she was diagnosed bipolar, not bipolar, sorry, bpd
00:27:34
bipolar.
00:27:35
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, what's Borderline personality disorder?
00:27:37
That's the one.
00:27:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank, you Sorry oh you're all right.
00:27:40
And there's so many cases of misdiagnosing BPD.
00:27:44
It's like textbook ADHD or autism as well.
00:27:49
It's wild.
00:27:55
Speaker 2: I'm really really interested in kind of like that
00:27:56
space when it comes to psychiatry Absolutely, and that
00:27:58
was something that when I was younger I sort of wanted.
00:28:01
I did consider that path going down, that you know because I
00:28:05
have had so many experiences around that.
00:28:08
But I just don't think that I'm , I don't think I'm in the right
00:28:11
head space for it and I don't think that I could counsel
00:28:14
people through it when I'm trying to understand myself.
00:28:17
Speaker 1: Well, I'm 36 and it's taken me this long to kind of
00:28:20
be like okay, well, it's time to find a career that I actually
00:28:25
enjoy, instead of just going to work for a paycheck and finding
00:28:28
a job that will give me the most money.
00:28:30
Speaker 3: Yeah exactly.
00:28:31
Speaker 1: It's scary, you know, especially with ADHD and my
00:28:34
inability to concentrate for long periods of time, like going
00:28:38
back to school as a 36-year-old while I'm working full-time
00:28:42
with three kids.
00:28:42
That's fucking scary.
00:28:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a lot.
00:28:46
That is a lot Like.
00:28:48
Are you, if you don't mind me asking, are you on medication
00:28:51
for it?
00:28:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm on Vivant 50 milligrams.
00:28:54
I'm just about to go up, though , because it's just it's not
00:28:58
doesn't have the same kick that it did when I first went on it.
00:29:01
Speaker 2: That's where I'm in sort of a crossroad.
00:29:03
Because I'm still breastfeeding , I can't have the medication,
00:29:08
but I also don't want to take that away from my daughter.
00:29:10
So I've been really there's been this internal conflict
00:29:15
because I know that I'm suffering in other ways, because
00:29:17
I really do need it, but I also don't want to take that away
00:29:20
from her.
00:29:20
So I'm trying to hold out as long as I can.
00:29:22
Speaker 1: Just kind of suffering through it a little
00:29:24
bit longer.
00:29:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:29:26
Speaker 1: Must be a hard space to live in.
00:29:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is yeah, definitely.
00:29:37
Speaker 1: So I want to jump back a little bit and just talk
00:29:39
a little bit more about your OCD , because you're the first
00:29:40
person I've had on here with OCD , so it's not something that I
00:29:42
understand heaps about, like I only have like base knowledge
00:29:44
about it.
00:29:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
00:29:46
Speaker 1: So with your OCD, it was very kind of germ-focused.
00:29:50
Yes, like I don't Okay, yeah, it was very kind of germ focused
00:29:52
.
00:29:52
Yes, okay.
00:29:53
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:29:53
Speaker 1: Did you have like those textbook, like rituals,
00:29:56
like having to you know tap your head 10 times or else I was
00:30:00
going to die, or something like that?
00:30:02
Speaker 2: Not so much the rituals.
00:30:04
My ritual was hand washing.
00:30:06
There are a lot of forms of OCD .
00:30:08
You know a lot of people like order and I think that the term
00:30:14
ocd is used quite loosely with people they're like, oh, I'm so
00:30:17
ocd, but it goes deeper than that.
00:30:19
So there's lots of things that come to through ocd.
00:30:22
You know intrusive thoughts.
00:30:23
A lot of people with ocd have thoughts that they don't want to
00:30:27
have.
00:30:27
They can't help those thoughts and they're not things that they
00:30:29
would necessarily act on, but they just come into the mind.
00:30:33
You know things like hurting other people, which you would
00:30:35
never do, but it's just something that's intrusive.
00:30:38
That's you know, that's sort of .
00:30:39
So you know, intrusive thoughts are something that I've
00:30:43
experienced before, not all the time Hand washing.
00:30:46
There are certain things that I really struggle with to touch
00:30:50
cash money.
00:30:51
So the thought process behind it is where's that money been?
00:30:54
How many people have touched it ?
00:30:56
Like you think about those things, things like bins.
00:30:59
You know the germs there.
00:31:01
You know you're going to touch a bin but then you're going to
00:31:03
go and, I don't know, touch your face or whatever it is.
00:31:07
So it's it's kind of like a thought process back of of that
00:31:12
which has really, really, really impacted my relationships and
00:31:16
that has been a key cause in some of my relationships
00:31:19
breaking down, because I know it's irrational, I know that
00:31:23
it's not, you know, nothing so bad is going to happen from it,
00:31:26
but I just can't get past it and it's kind of, and for me like
00:31:33
growing up.
00:31:33
Now that I look back, it was things like I had to have
00:31:37
everything had to be the number eight.
00:31:38
You know I would have cereal and you know the Sultanas in my
00:31:43
cereal had to have eight.
00:31:44
If there was more than eight, get rid of them.
00:31:46
So those sorts of things you know as a kid, you know walking
00:31:50
on a footpath, one foot in each path, you know don't step on the
00:31:54
lines.
00:31:55
So there are lots of forms of OCD and a lot of people have.
00:32:01
You know I've got some friends who have got severe fears around
00:32:06
toxins, like you know, things being toxic and chemicals.
00:32:09
That sort of thing doesn't bother me as much.
00:32:10
It's more a cleanliness sort of thing which is very difficult
00:32:15
to explain to people and for people to understand.
00:32:19
Speaker 1: So OCD, I know that it does have big roles with ADHD
00:32:24
and autism as well.
00:32:26
So with my ADHD and autism, the intrusive thoughts are
00:32:31
something that I have experienced, unfortunately and
00:32:34
you know there's this massive push on TikTok at the moment
00:32:37
with you know I let my intrusive thoughts win and it's just like
00:32:39
pouring a bit of water out or something.
00:32:41
Oh, yeah.
00:32:42
And like there's this big push from the community of ADHD
00:32:47
people and autistic people, it's like you need to learn the
00:32:50
difference between impulsive thoughts and intrusive thoughts.
00:32:54
Yes, Like, intrusive thoughts are fucking heinous.
00:32:58
They're horrible, horrible things, Like the worst things
00:33:01
you could possibly think.
00:33:02
Just pop into your head and you're like God damn it, no, no.
00:33:06
Speaker 2: Yes, and it's so hard because you want to like for me
00:33:09
.
00:33:09
I've had those thoughts and I want to share them with my
00:33:12
partner, but at same time I'm like that's just take this shit
00:33:17
to my grave exactly, and it's so , so hard because, unless you've
00:33:22
experienced it, you know and that's, and, like you said
00:33:25
before, like they are all connected and I, my psychiatrist
00:33:29
, said that I do have a lot of autistic tendencies and autism
00:33:32
does run within my family, so that they all, they all tie in
00:33:35
together and it's so hard to differentiate what's OCD, what's
00:33:39
, you know, the autism, what's ADHD.
00:33:41
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's really hard.
00:33:42
My, my wife, by chance, just one night we started talking
00:33:47
about intrusive thoughts and she's like do you have them?
00:33:50
And I was like, yeah, all the time, unfortunately.
00:33:53
And she's like, do you have them?
00:33:54
And I was like, yeah, all the time, unfortunately.
00:33:55
And she's like what type of stuff?
00:33:56
Though?
00:33:56
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, it's such a hard thing to talk
00:33:58
about.
00:33:58
Speaker 1: And I was like you know what, like you're my person
00:34:04
and I trust you, so like we talked out our intrusive
00:34:06
thoughts and it was a big load off my back.
00:34:16
Speaker 2: And for her to experience it.
00:34:17
It would be so nice to be able to talk with someone without
00:34:19
judgment.
00:34:19
Yeah, and it's, it's so hard.
00:34:20
Speaker 1: I'm trying to sort of teach or inform my partner
00:34:22
without going into detail yeah just so that he can understand
00:34:27
that the torment, because it's it's torturous, it is yeah yeah,
00:34:31
just for anyone listening who doesn't experience those types
00:34:34
of things, I won't divulge like my intrusive thoughts, but to
00:34:38
give an example, you could just be living your life doing
00:34:41
something as mundane as like washing the dishes and then all
00:34:44
of a sudden in your mind it'll be like just an image of you,
00:34:48
like having sex with your mother , or just something completely
00:34:52
and utterly disgusting, like your baby in some sort of sexual
00:34:56
position.
00:34:56
Yeah, and having those thoughts makes you feel like there's
00:35:01
something just innately wrong with you, something that can't
00:35:04
be fixed Like full disclosure.
00:35:07
I have had those types of thoughts before in some aspects
00:35:11
and I've had to sit there and look in the mirror and be like
00:35:13
are you a fucking pedophile?
00:35:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's wrong with you?
00:35:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm not a pedophile because I don't have
00:35:19
that attraction, like it repulses me but unfortunately
00:35:22
those images pop into your head and there's nothing you can do
00:35:25
to stop it and it fucking sucks.
00:35:27
Speaker 2: So and the more you push them away, the more they
00:35:31
come back, and that's something that I've learned through
00:35:33
therapy is to let them in so that you can think it through as
00:35:39
hard as it is.
00:35:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:35:40
Speaker 2: But then it sort of helps them to go away.
00:35:43
But yeah, you're completely right, it's hard.
00:35:46
Speaker 1: It's really hard, it's sucky, yeah, and it's
00:35:49
something that all of us in that community can definitely
00:35:53
empathize with, because it's all lived experiences.
00:35:55
And unfortunately, you know there's people out there that
00:36:00
don't have those thoughts and will instantly jump to judgment
00:36:03
because that's not the way their brain works.
00:36:06
They instantly think, well, I'm not like that.
00:36:10
Speaker 2: So if you're like that, you're fucked.
00:36:11
Yeah, exactly.
00:36:13
Speaker 1: It's a pretty sucky kind of space to live in.
00:36:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
00:36:16
Speaker 1: It's really tricky so with your OCD over the years.
00:36:20
Have you found ways to alleviate those compulsions?
00:36:24
Is it something that's still a part of your everyday life?
00:36:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's definitely a part of my everyday
00:36:29
life.
00:36:30
The medication that I'm on, I've been on for about 10 years
00:36:35
and I'm on a very high dosage.
00:36:36
I'm on 200 milligrams, which is one of the higher dosage that
00:36:39
you can have.
00:36:40
Speaker 1: And what's that medication?
00:36:41
Do you mind me?
00:36:41
Speaker 2: asking Sertraline, so Zoloft.
00:36:44
So I did find it hard because I was worried about it.
00:36:50
When I was pregnant and before I was pregnant I did talk to a
00:36:53
psychiatrist and the doctors because I was worried about how.
00:36:54
When I was pregnant and before I was pregnant I did talk to a
00:36:54
psychiatrist and the doctors because I was worried about how
00:36:55
it would impact my pregnancy.
00:36:57
But there's been no studies to show the effects because they
00:37:02
won't test it on a live sort of pregnancy.
00:37:05
So I did reduce the medication once I was through my first
00:37:09
trimester to try and avoid or lower any risks of my baby
00:37:15
having withdrawals when she was born.
00:37:16
So that was really tricky because I was kind of coming
00:37:20
down off a medication and also, you know, I wasn't drinking
00:37:24
energy drinks, which I was drinking a lot before I was
00:37:27
pregnant.
00:37:27
So that was really tricky.
00:37:29
So I did find that my OCD tendencies were increased and
00:37:34
when I'm stressed or when I'm anxious I find that they come
00:37:37
out a lot more.
00:37:38
So I'll want to clean excessively.
00:37:40
Like you know, my partner could look at the house and go it's
00:37:43
clean, what's wrong?
00:37:44
And I'm looking at it, going it's filthy, Like there's, you
00:37:48
know, there's stuff everywhere and there's like one thing on
00:37:50
the bench.
00:37:50
So that has definitely been something that I've noticed is,
00:37:54
you know, when I'm anxious it does present itself more, but I
00:38:04
have found coping mechanisms, and I guess a way that I've been
00:38:06
able to cope is to write things down and create lists to sort
00:38:08
of try and get everything out of my head, which does create
00:38:12
anxiety for myself as well, because then I have all these
00:38:15
lists and I'm overwhelmed by the list.
00:38:17
So I'm like, oh my God.
00:38:18
So that it's kind of like it's it's more just managing and
00:38:22
trying to get through it.
00:38:23
It's not sort of like alleviating it.
00:38:25
I still have my things.
00:38:27
You know, no-goes is touching money, like if I touch money I
00:38:31
have to wash my hands straight away, or wet wipes or something
00:38:34
bins.
00:38:35
My partner puts the bins out for me and then I make him wash
00:38:38
his hands as soon as he gets back inside.
00:38:40
So like there are things that are like my go-tos and you know,
00:38:44
like public transport's another one.
00:38:47
I hate it, can't do it, and it's just trying to manage that the
00:38:51
best that I can.
00:38:52
But there's no fix for it and it's not something that I've
00:38:56
accepted, that I'm ever going to live without, which is a really
00:38:58
big thing to sort of accept, because I don't want to live
00:39:02
like this.
00:39:02
I don't, you know, it's not something that I enjoy.
00:39:04
I think that the mental health issues that I have have
00:39:08
definitely helped me be the person I am and and you know,
00:39:15
especially when it comes to you know my businesses and being
00:39:16
able to be empathetic towards other people.
00:39:18
I think that they've definitely helped me, yeah, but they've
00:39:20
also hindered me as well.
00:39:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course.
00:39:22
Yeah, it's always that double-edged sword, isn't it you
00:39:25
?
00:39:25
Know I wouldn't be the person I am without these things, yeah,
00:39:28
but maybe that person without those things would be happier,
00:39:33
but maybe more of an asshole.
00:39:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
00:39:36
Speaker 1: A bit more selfish you never know.
00:39:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, yeah.
00:39:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you could, I'd love to live just a day,
00:39:44
just a day without the stuff.
00:39:45
Yeah.
00:39:46
Just to see how it is, but I don't think overall I'd like to
00:39:48
change anything, because it just I just am.
00:39:51
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:39:53
Speaker 1: And I think being me is good enough.
00:39:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
00:39:56
And you know, like it's, it's, it's, it's got its, it's got its
00:40:00
blessings.
00:40:01
And you know, I think my main concern and my main thing is
00:40:05
trying to bring my daughter up without it impacting her too
00:40:08
much.
00:40:09
You know, I don't want it to affect her and I've been doing
00:40:13
things and being exposed.
00:40:15
You know, exposure, therapy, things that I would never do
00:40:18
beforehand, that I am pushing myself to do for my daughter.
00:40:23
You know, things like placentas .
00:40:26
To me that's just a big room of germs, a big germ fest, you know
00:40:29
, oh, yeah, God, yeah but you know and you know taking her to
00:40:34
those and and I'm so uncomfortable the whole time I'm
00:40:36
there and as soon as I leave I want to get changed and have a
00:40:39
shower, but I'm trying to push through to do those things so
00:40:43
that she doesn't miss out um, yeah, yeah, that's a hard one
00:40:47
because we're we're we're not like a germ, a germaphobe family
00:40:51
or anything like that, but we're very much a stay-at-home
00:40:53
family and our kids do suffer a little bit from it, you know.
00:40:59
Speaker 1: They're very much like let's go to the skate park
00:41:01
and like that means we have to go outside into the world and
00:41:04
that's a lot.
00:41:04
But you know we had my son's birthday at Jungle Kids in
00:41:09
Wallin.
00:41:10
Speaker 2: Oh yes, yep, that's the play centre I went to.
00:41:15
Speaker 1: Oh, in wallen.
00:41:15
Oh yes, yep, that's where that's the play center I went to
00:41:17
.
00:41:17
Oh okay, yeah, so we had his birthday last weekend, yeah and
00:41:19
god, it's just a big day it really is like you get home and
00:41:21
you're like fuck and it's always so packed there and it's so, so
00:41:25
packed, so stimulating like, overstimulating like yeah I get
00:41:28
that sensory overload.
00:41:30
There's things going here and screaming and like, oh my god
00:41:34
yeah, we had like a bunch of kids that weren't a part of our
00:41:37
party like coming in trying to suss out our birthday cake and
00:41:40
we'd have parents like we'd have to go find their parents for
00:41:44
them there's just so many people that are just like run free
00:41:47
children, do what you want I literally had a kid climbing up
00:41:52
me, like this toddler climbing up me, and he was coughing in my
00:41:55
face and I'm sitting there like oh no where's your mum?
00:42:00
Like where's your mum, but also like Throw him in the ball pit.
00:42:04
Speaker 2: I'm like get off me.
00:42:05
And I'm like my friend says she's like you always attract
00:42:10
them.
00:42:10
I'm like I don't know.
00:42:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a weird place that if you haven't been
00:42:17
there already.
00:42:17
There's a play center in sunbury that's much bigger the
00:42:20
mcdonald's or something.
00:42:21
Yeah some weird mcdougall or mcdougall's yeah, mcdougall, yes
00:42:25
, yeah, much, much more spacey try that out.
00:42:29
Hide in the corner by myself, my wife and I have actually
00:42:32
discussed opening a play center for ourselves that would be
00:42:35
amazing and, like we do, sensory days for parents and kids have
00:42:42
some nice music going and things like that yeah but then also
00:42:45
like the fact that if we go to our own play center, I could
00:42:48
play in it at night time exactly fucking cool, do like a, like
00:42:52
an, adults only night that would be amazing.
00:42:55
Speaker 2: And Do like an adults only night, that would be
00:42:56
amazing.
00:42:56
And like our house is kind of turned into a play centre.
00:42:58
We've got a mini jumping castle , a ball pit, a slide and swing
00:43:01
and I'm like you know what.
00:43:02
We don't need to go out, we can just do it here.
00:43:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, straight up, invite us over.
00:43:07
Exactly I keep planning on changing our theatre room into a
00:43:12
sensory room.
00:43:13
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:43:13
Speaker 1: It's just money.
00:43:15
Speaker 2: I know that's what our theatre room is.
00:43:17
It's just turned into a yeah, a play centre.
00:43:19
Yeah.
00:43:21
Speaker 1: So yet again I want to go back a little bit and talk
00:43:24
through your pregnancy and how that was for you, like as far as
00:43:27
your health and your mental health goes, and how was the
00:43:30
birth.
00:43:31
Speaker 2: Fucking tough, to be honest, fucking tough, I bet
00:43:36
goes and how was the birth?
00:43:37
fucking tough, to be honest I bet I was to start off with.
00:43:38
I was sick as a dog, like I was sick from the moment I found
00:43:40
out I was pregnant to when I gave birth.
00:43:41
So I was on medication for that .
00:43:43
And that was really tricky because I was still working as a
00:43:46
travel agent and we were wearing masks because covid and
00:43:50
I was, you know, trying to you know not gag, and I was, you
00:43:53
know, trying to you know not gag , and I was running out the back
00:43:54
vomiting between talking to customers and it was awful.
00:43:59
And at around 14 weeks I woke up and I'd been bleeding and my
00:44:04
heart stopped.
00:44:05
I was like, oh shit, like I'm going to have a miscarriage.
00:44:08
And so we went to the hospital and again COVID, so they
00:44:12
wouldn't let my partner come with me.
00:44:13
So I sat in emergency for, I think, six hours bleeding,
00:44:19
bawling my eyes out, and my partner, aidan, had to sit in
00:44:21
the cafe in the hospital, like he was literally a room or so
00:44:25
away and I was just texting him you know, updates.
00:44:28
And so I finally got to see a doctor and did an ultrasound and
00:44:31
they said that I'd had a what was it?
00:44:33
A hemorrhage in my placenta and usually it's trauma-based, so
00:44:41
they couldn't actually work out what it was.
00:44:42
Usually it's, you know, if you've been in a car accident or
00:44:43
you know you've fallen or something's actually hit you.
00:44:45
But I think it was because my placenta was anterior, so it was
00:44:48
at the front.
00:44:49
So I was on bed rest for a little bit and had to get some
00:44:54
follow-up scans and you know they had threatened miscarriage
00:44:57
on the, the documents, which that was triggering for me, like
00:45:01
I was.
00:45:03
Yeah, I was so, so scared and so we got through that.
00:45:07
And then I ended up with COVID at about 20 weeks and I was
00:45:10
really, really sick.
00:45:11
So I had a blood pressure monitor and oxygen reader that I
00:45:16
had to.
00:45:17
Every day the hospital would call me and get my readings and,
00:45:21
you know, follow up ultrasounds .
00:45:22
So that was a lot and because I had COVID, my 20 week scan was
00:45:28
pushed out.
00:45:29
So it was about 22 weeks when I had my scan, which is like the
00:45:32
latest point that they can sort of, I think, terminate the
00:45:36
pregnancy if something's wrong, and we had my scan and then at
00:45:39
the end of the scan he's like okay, we just need to double
00:45:42
back to the heart and have a look at the heart again.
00:45:43
I didn't get a good image.
00:45:45
I was like, okay, that's fine.
00:45:47
And then so he sat us down at the end and said, look, we found
00:45:49
something that's not quite right.
00:45:50
And I was like, what do you mean?
00:45:52
Like one of the arteries in your baby's heart is going, it's
00:45:57
, it's, it's it's in the wrong location or it's it's?
00:45:59
You know, there's something not right.
00:46:00
I can't tell you.
00:46:01
You need to see a cardiologist.
00:46:03
So you know, I left that appointment absolutely bawling
00:46:11
my eyes out, and they made us wait.
00:46:11
They made us wait a month for this appointment and that was
00:46:13
pure torture.
00:46:13
And we saw the cardiologist and they sat down and they drew an
00:46:16
image of the heart and they drew an image of where all the
00:46:19
arteries were supposed to go.
00:46:21
And they drew where my daughter's artery was, and so it
00:46:25
was on the right side, but it had formed in a different
00:46:28
location, so it was doing what it needed to do, but it was just
00:46:31
taking the longer route.
00:46:32
So they said that if it was on the opposite side it would be a
00:46:36
serious issue and she would most likely have something like Down
00:46:39
syndrome.
00:46:40
But being on the left side, then it is a small possibility
00:46:44
that she could have DeGeorge syndrome, which is like, from my
00:46:48
understanding I think it's like , you know, learning
00:46:50
disabilities and sort of thing.
00:46:52
But they couldn't test it until she was born.
00:46:54
So that was quite frightening.
00:46:57
And towards the end of the pregnancy I was struggling.
00:46:59
I was I put on so much weight, like just fluid I think I put on
00:47:05
27 kilos or something and and I was just struggling, I was
00:47:09
crying every day.
00:47:10
You know, I lowered my medication and I, just I was
00:47:14
crying every day.
00:47:14
You know, I lowered my medication and I just I went to
00:47:16
the doctor, I went to my appointment.
00:47:20
I was like I just I need her out, I need to get her out.
00:47:21
And so they had booked me in for an induction.
00:47:23
The following night my waters broke.
00:47:24
So I got up to go to the toilet and my waters broke, but I was
00:47:28
bleeding quite a lot.
00:47:29
So I called the hospital and they said come straight,
00:47:31
straight in.
00:47:32
And so we went to the hospital and I had this like this I spent
00:47:36
nine more, actually most of my life.
00:47:37
I'd pictured how I wanted this birth to go.
00:47:40
You know, I just wanted this really beautiful, pain-free, in
00:47:45
the bath, just lovely, like experience, and I got everything
00:47:50
but that, of course so you and my wife sound like the same
00:47:54
person, like you see me keep kind of chuckling to myself.
00:47:59
Speaker 1: It's just, the similarities are uncanny.
00:48:02
Speaker 2: Well, I got to the hospital and they checked and
00:48:04
they found meconium in my waters , which meant that my baby had
00:48:07
done a poo, which they told me that they couldn't differentiate
00:48:11
whether it was just because she had matured and it was her
00:48:15
first poo or it was because she was distressed.
00:48:18
So they said I couldn't go home and that they needed to start
00:48:22
me, like they needed to do an induction to sort of get her out
00:48:26
, which meant that I wasn't allowed to go in the bath
00:48:28
because my waters had broken.
00:48:29
And that was the first thing that sort of was off the list.
00:48:33
I was like, okay, all right, I really wanted to go in the bath,
00:48:36
okay.
00:48:36
So they said, you can have a shower.
00:48:38
You know my waters are broken, covered in blood.
00:48:41
You know, have a shower before we start the induction.
00:48:43
But having a shower, I'm hooked up to all these monitors and
00:48:46
it's just like you know it was contractions monitors.
00:48:51
I'm like this is not good.
00:48:52
So contractions monitors.
00:48:56
I'm like this is not good.
00:48:57
So then they started me on the drip because I'd already had my
00:48:58
waters broken.
00:48:59
That was kind of the next thing and up until that point.
00:49:01
So I'd already been having contractions since like 8 pm the
00:49:05
night before and this was 6 am the next day, and I was fine,
00:49:09
like the pain was fine, and then they put me on the drip and
00:49:13
things went from zero to a hundred, like it was awful, and
00:49:17
they had to keep turning up the dosage every half an hour and I
00:49:21
got to a point I think it was like 11am, and I was like I'm
00:49:25
struggling, like get me the gas, get me something.
00:49:28
So I got the gas, get me the epidural.
00:49:31
So I had the epid epidural but I've got scoliosis in my back
00:49:35
and so they couldn't get it in the right spot.
00:49:38
So that failed.
00:49:39
So they had to get their head anesthetist to come in and redo
00:49:43
that and so so they did that.
00:49:46
Speaker 1: Have you heard my wife's birth story?
00:49:49
Speaker 2: I haven't.
00:49:51
Speaker 1: She's got a twisted spine as well.
00:49:52
Oh really, yeah, they had to do her epidural like six times.
00:50:00
Oh, my fucking God Her fucking back was an absolute war ground,
00:50:04
sorry to interrupt.
00:50:06
It's just again more similarities you and her need to
00:50:08
be friends, mate.
00:50:10
Speaker 2: Yes, and it's so hard Like you're in absolutely
00:50:12
excruciating pain, yet you're laying here, like you're sitting
00:50:15
here trying not to move.
00:50:17
So anyway, they put that in and then I stopped progressing.
00:50:22
So I think they checked me like .
00:50:24
I think it was like a year.
00:50:26
I don't know a year, a couple of hours later, and still hadn't
00:50:32
progressed.
00:50:33
And it got to a point where it was like it was like 8.30 at
00:50:35
night and they're like we, oh, they needed to break my waters
00:50:39
again too.
00:50:40
So they broke it another two times and they said like if
00:50:43
you're not progressing, we need to do something.
00:50:45
And you know, at that point I was kind of like I was in
00:50:48
between.
00:50:49
I was like distraught because anything like I did not want to
00:50:52
have a cesarean.
00:50:53
That was the furthest thing that I wanted.
00:50:55
But I kind of I was defeated, I was exhausted.
00:50:58
I'd been, you know, in labour for like 18, 19 hours or
00:51:04
something like that.
00:51:04
And so I was like, okay, all right.
00:51:05
And then so they did the final check and then he walked up to
00:51:07
the side of the bed and he's like look.
00:51:09
And I was like, yeah, I'm going to have a cesarean, aren't?
00:51:11
I Like, yeah, he's like, yeah, we need to do an emergency
00:51:13
cesarean, get her out, you know, because I'd also had to have
00:51:17
antibiotics because my waters had broken so long ago the risk
00:51:20
of infection and so they took me in for my emergency cesarean
00:51:24
and like, and like it's a surreal experience.
00:51:27
It's kind of you're in between.
00:51:30
It's like you're watching your body but you've got no control
00:51:35
over it and it's like yeah.
00:51:40
Speaker 1: I don't even know how to explain it.
00:51:41
My wife had two caesareans and she fucking hated them.
00:51:44
Like the first one she was like the second.
00:51:46
She had to go under because they couldn't do the spinal
00:51:50
block.
00:51:50
None of the medication was working, oh shit.
00:51:51
But what she hated about the caesareans for one was like
00:51:57
feeling like a failure, like her body was made to make babies
00:52:00
but it couldn't push the babies out.
00:52:02
So that was her biggest thing.
00:52:04
But the second biggest thing was her not being in control of
00:52:07
her body.
00:52:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that sucked most of her.
00:52:09
Yeah, the feeling of being numb and just just watching.
00:52:13
You know, someone you know pull a baby from you and and not
00:52:18
then they wouldn't, you know, let me watch, or anything like
00:52:20
that.
00:52:20
You know the sheets up, sort of thing.
00:52:22
So I kept looking back at the clock just to see what time she
00:52:24
was going to be born.
00:52:25
And they pulled her out and she cried once and then she stopped
00:52:29
crying and I said like why isn't she crying?
00:52:32
And so they took her and they had to like work on her and I
00:52:38
was trying to look back over my shoulder but then I started like
00:52:41
just convulsing and I didn't know it at the time, but I was
00:52:44
hemorrhaging and and I was hemorrhaging and I was just like
00:52:49
trying to listen to her crying.
00:52:50
So they worked on her and then they brought her over to me and
00:52:54
they put her down.
00:52:55
But then I was convulsing and I was vomiting and I couldn't
00:52:58
hold her.
00:52:59
So my partner took her and they went and they worked on me and
00:53:04
you know I didn't get to do the skin-to-skin, I pretty much just
00:53:07
passed out after it all.
00:53:08
I was just so exhausted.
00:53:09
It was like 28 and a half hours of labor and I could hear them
00:53:16
and I could hear them talking and I could hear that he was
00:53:19
doing the skin to skin.
00:53:20
But I couldn't.
00:53:20
I was so tired, I couldn't open my eyes.
00:53:23
And I just remember the next morning opening my eyes and
00:53:27
looking over the side and my partner was asleep on the couch
00:53:30
and they let him stay.
00:53:31
I got an exemption because of my mental health and then my
00:53:35
daughter in the little you know bassinet and I couldn't move,
00:53:39
you know I was in pain and he was asleep.
00:53:42
So I literally got my phone because I didn't even remember
00:53:44
what we called her.
00:53:44
I didn't remember anything.
00:53:45
I got my phone and I like moved it and I took a photo, like I
00:53:50
zoomed in and took a photo of the little card that they put in
00:53:52
, just, and I like got my phone, I like zoomed in just to see
00:53:55
what her name was and her details.
00:53:57
And yeah, it was just incredible, like crazy, yeah.
00:54:01
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you've moved past all of that
00:54:05
trauma, or is that stuff that you still hold on to?
00:54:08
Speaker 2: I struggled a lot.
00:54:09
I went and had a session with the hospital so they contacted
00:54:14
me to go through my birth because I didn't understand.
00:54:17
I didn't understand why everything happened.
00:54:20
I didn't understand, like she wasn't in distress, why did I
00:54:22
need to have an emergency cesarean?
00:54:24
Why did I need to have the induction?
00:54:27
And they told me that she was asynclitic.
00:54:30
I think it is.
00:54:30
So her head was tilted and it was hitting my cervix, so it was
00:54:34
swelling her head and it was swelling my cervix.
00:54:36
So the way they put it to me.
00:54:39
I couldn't have done anything.
00:54:40
Like she was that far into the pelvis that they couldn't see
00:54:44
that her neck, her head was tilted.
00:54:47
Speaker 1: So like her body was trying to push down but her neck
00:54:49
was twisting each time.
00:54:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it was just like just hitting me and so she
00:54:53
just wasn't progressing, like she was just hitting.
00:54:55
And so, look, I still have a lot of issues around it and I
00:55:01
really, really, really hope that I can do a natural birth the
00:55:04
next time around.
00:55:05
And I mean, I don't know that there was anything that I could
00:55:08
have done differently.
00:55:09
I don't know that there was anything that I could have done
00:55:11
differently.
00:55:11
I don't know.
00:55:11
I'm in two minds.
00:55:12
I feel like I could have done it, but they're telling me I
00:55:15
couldn't have, so I don't know.
00:55:16
The next birth I said I want to do it from home.
00:55:19
I want to have a home birth.
00:55:20
I want to have, you know, control over who's in my space.
00:55:23
Like I didn't get to labor at home.
00:55:26
I didn't get to labor at home.
00:55:27
I didn't get to, had no control , and for someone that has
00:55:30
obsessive compulsive disorder, having control is everything you
00:55:36
know, and so that's what I struggle with, I think, is
00:55:39
having that taken away from me.
00:55:41
Speaker 1: Definitely, if there was one thing I could go back
00:55:43
and change with any of our birth stories, it would be to give my
00:55:47
wife the okay to do a home birth.
00:55:49
That's my biggest regret.
00:55:51
She always wanted to do a home birth and I was terrified of
00:55:56
that because I wasn't really educated, especially just after
00:56:05
our first birth.
00:56:05
She also hemorrhaged and like baby was born unresponsive and
00:56:07
there was a lot of trauma surrounding all of that.
00:56:08
So I was like to have that going on in our home, away from
00:56:11
medical care and things like that, like that's probably out
00:56:15
of the realm of possibility for my own comfort.
00:56:18
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:56:19
Speaker 1: And she went along with that, and that's something
00:56:20
that I regret and that's something that I hold a lot of
00:56:22
guilt towards.
00:56:24
Speaker 2: But it's something that you don't know, you know
00:56:28
Exactly, and it's so hard because, and especially where we
00:56:31
live, we're not, you know, five minutes from a hospital, and
00:56:35
that's it does play on my mind and I think I would only do it
00:56:38
if I have, you know, an easier pregnancy.
00:56:41
We did have a lot of complications, so, you know, in
00:56:44
that regard I'm thankful, but at the same time I just feel like
00:56:51
I'm thankful but at the same time I just feel like, yeah, a
00:56:53
lot was taken out of my hands and I do have the same concerns.
00:56:55
You know what happens if baby's unresponsive or if I hemorrhage
00:56:58
.
00:56:58
You know it's 50 minutes to the nearest, you know, to the
00:57:01
hospital.
00:57:02
So it's, yeah, it's a lot to consider, but people have been
00:57:06
doing it for, you know, hundreds and hundreds of years.
00:57:08
Speaker 1: So yeah, let's start a business together.
00:57:11
Mate, we'll start home birth Airbnbs.
00:57:13
Yeah, somewhere close to a hospital.
00:57:19
Speaker 2: Home births in the ranges.
00:57:21
Speaker 1: yeah, We'll buy an apartment and turn it into a
00:57:24
nice little birthing suite.
00:57:25
Beautiful, just close to a hospital, so people can have
00:57:28
their own space.
00:57:29
Speaker 2: They can have birthing baths outside, and, oh,
00:57:32
it'd be great.
00:57:33
That would be good, wouldn't it ?
00:57:35
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:57:36
So I mean, yeah, quite a story and quite a birth story.
00:57:41
It's a lot of trauma and a lot of healing and learning every
00:57:45
day about yourself.
00:57:47
So, yeah, our stories aren't overly dissimilar.
00:57:50
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:57:51
Speaker 1: After we've wrapped up, I'll send you through the
00:57:53
episode where my wife talks about her birth, if you're
00:57:55
interested.
00:57:56
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely.
00:57:56
Speaker 1: You might find a little bit of healing in just
00:57:58
listening to other people go through similar things.
00:58:01
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
00:58:02
Speaker 1: So before we wrap up, is there anything else you want
00:58:04
to throw out into the world?
00:58:05
You can plug your businesses once more, real quick.
00:58:08
Speaker 2: Cool, all right.
00:58:09
So we've got our gypsy collection, then we've got your
00:58:12
ideal day agency and then we've got Elkie May, the label.
00:58:16
So they're my three babies, I think.
00:58:21
Just want to let everyone know that, be you like, be you
00:58:24
unapologetically, you know people are going to not like who
00:58:28
you are.
00:58:28
Those people don't pay your bills.
00:58:30
Those people aren't, you know, are going to not like who you
00:58:30
are.
00:58:30
Those people don't pay your bills, those people aren't, you
00:58:32
know, living your life and I think you've got to do what's
00:58:35
best for you and that that can be different for everyone.
00:58:38
You know my choice to stay home and work from home and and try
00:58:41
to manage things that way.
00:58:43
It's not for everyone, you know , and that that's not me saying
00:58:46
that that's the right way to do it.
00:58:47
Like, if you want to go back into the workforce and that's
00:58:49
what you want to do, do that.
00:58:51
But just don't let anyone dictate what you should do or
00:58:55
what you think is the right thing, and just be kind to
00:58:59
people.
00:58:59
Like, just you know, I just want to remove the stigma around
00:59:04
mental health, like, whether you know it or not and whether
00:59:07
you believe it, every single person I thoroughly believe on
00:59:10
this earth has some form of mental illness or some form of
00:59:13
mental illness tendencies or trauma or something, whether
00:59:17
they know it, whether it's subconscious, whether you know
00:59:20
it's diagnosed.
00:59:21
So I just feel like we need to be kinder to people and be more
00:59:26
genuine.
00:59:26
Just yeah, I think that that's my main thing.
00:59:28
My main thing, yeah, do you.
00:59:29
And more genuine, just yeah, I think that that's my main thing.
00:59:32
Speaker 1: My main thing?
00:59:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you, and you know.
00:59:34
Speaker 1: Do you Be kind?
00:59:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
00:59:37
Speaker 1: Have fun in life, but don't fuck up the fun of other
00:59:39
people.
00:59:40
Exactly, that's my mantra yeah, absolutely yeah absolutely
00:59:44
Awesome, yeah, so I mean, the stigma of mental health is
00:59:47
something that's ever changing in public and in our community,
00:59:51
and it's conversations like this that are definitely helping
00:59:54
move that along.
00:59:55
So I do appreciate your time today and I do appreciate your
00:59:59
vulnerability in speaking about your experiences, because I can
01:00:04
guarantee you that there's someone out there that's
01:00:06
experienced similar and will take a lot from this
01:00:08
conversation.
01:00:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we're all in it to help each other.
01:00:13
Speaker 1: In October I am doing a fundraiser.
01:00:16
I'm walking 100 kilometers for the Black Dog Institute to raise
01:00:21
money.
01:00:21
I love them and because you're also local, I'll probably be in
01:00:25
contact with you.
01:00:26
See, if you want to go for a walk, I might try to get some of
01:00:28
the locals that I've had on the podcast to get a little group
01:00:31
together maybe do a lap or two around Lancefield Park.
01:00:34
Speaker 2: That's the only way I'll exercise.
01:00:38
Speaker 1: With other people.
01:00:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, that'll definitely be a cause I'm the
01:00:42
same.
01:00:42
Speaker 1: I'm literally a meter from my home gym and I look at
01:00:46
it every day and I'm like I should do something.
01:00:48
No, I gym and I look at it every day and I'm like I should
01:00:50
do something.
01:00:51
Speaker 2: No, I'd rather eat instead.
01:00:52
Yeah, not about that life, that's it All right.
01:00:54
Speaker 1: Well, thank you very much.
01:00:55
Naomi, Appreciate it.
01:00:56
And enjoy your day.
01:00:57
Speaker 2: You too Bye.
01:00:58
Speaker 1: Bye, bye, bye.
01:00:59
Speaker 3: Bye, bye, bye, to make it so my life's a better
01:01:10
place.
01:01:10
If there's one thing I see, then your only thing is me Just
01:01:17
knowing that I'm trying to make a change.
01:01:20
Can I put it all on me, responsibilities, and all the
01:01:28
other nonsense coming by repeatedly?
01:01:31
But there's one thing I know it's knowing to let go.
01:01:37
Just knowing that I'm trying to make a change, does it seem too
01:01:44
much just to ask for love?
01:01:47
Cause there's many things that I do over, and I've got a lot,
01:01:56
but I won't give up On those many things that I do over.