Welcome to the Season 2 finale of Touched Out!
On today's episode My wife George and I chat about our year in review. A year that was very much Survive and not Thrive.
We discuss our highs, lows, wins & fails along with some pretty awesome news.
We finish the episode by reading a few parenting reddit stories.
I hope you enjoy!
Thanks for listening to Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, share, and leave a rating and review. Your support helps others discover their new favorite parenting and mental health podcast.
Stay tuned for more insights, tips and personal stories on parenting and mental health.
Thanks again for listening and keep on keeping on!
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George: We would like to acknowledge the traditional
00:00:03
custodians of this land.
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We pay our respects to the elders past, present and
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emerging, for they hold the memories, the traditions and the
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culture of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people
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across the nation.
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Carter: Warning this podcast contains explicit language and
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discusses sensitive topics related to mental health
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childhood trauma, birth trauma, abuse, miscarriage and suicide.
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Listener discretion is advised.
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If you find these subjects distressing or triggering, we
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recommend taking caution and considering whether to proceed
00:00:36
with listening.
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If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to
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a mental health professional or a trusted individual for support
00:00:43
.
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Your wellbeing is our priority.
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Take some time, it's alright.
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George: You'll be fine After the touch of a cat.
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Take all night, you'll be fine, it's alright.
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After the touch of a cat, it's alright.
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The Touched Out Podcast.
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Carter: Alright, so this is the Season 2 finale of Touched Out.
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I yet again, like I did for the Season 1 finale, have my
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incredible wife, george with me.
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How you going, babe?
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George: I'm good.
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Thanks, babe.
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How are you?
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Carter: I'm really good, thank you.
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It is what?
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Thursday night at 9.30 pm and we're going to have a few beers
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and have a little chat.
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So what's been happening?
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What's going on in your world?
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George: Everything.
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I feel like I haven't seen you in a few weeks.
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We've both been very busy and I knocked off work not too long
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ago, so I had a quick shower and get this done before work
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tomorrow.
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Carter: Yeah, yeah, you've been flat out.
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When am I not?
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When are you not?
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Indeed, why don't you tell everyone how your year's been,
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what's been happening, what's the goss?
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George: I'm not sure if there's any goss, but to be quite frank,
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it hasn't been a great year that hasn't has it.
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No, no, didn't kick many goals in 2024.
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I've had a few health issues, personal issues, um, I'm just
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very run down, but I think it's self-inflicted pain at this
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point, because I'm the one that chooses to go to school and work
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two jobs and but very, very busy person by choice.
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Carter: Yeah, by choice, yeah you.
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Uh, you and I, we quite often laugh.
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We've both got ADHD.
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But I've got the good kind yeah , you got the good kind where
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you get shit done, and I've got the shit kind where I'm like,
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well, my brain's too much and I just want to lay in bed.
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George: Yeah, it's not always the good kind, though, because
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when you can't sleep because you know that there's dishes to be
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washed or laundry to be done, or you know when I went through my
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woodworking phase you can't exactly use a circular saw at
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11pm instead of sleeping.
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Carter: You've had some good phases this year, though.
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I've seen your creativity flourish, which is awesome.
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George: Yeah, I don't want to call them phases.
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I think I spent this year sort of discovering who I am as a
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geriatric woman.
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I spent my teen years just being a dirtbag and now I'm
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getting to discover that I'm actually pretty good at a lot of
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things not to suck my own dick but I'm enjoying having hobbies
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and learning new things, like I started making gothic macrame
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plant holders yeah, you did.
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I love them so much as a way to facilitate room for more plants,
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because my indoor plant hobby is absolutely thriving yeah, so
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much, so much plants.
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Carter: It's awesome.
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I love it.
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I love looking at them every morning and I love your little
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macrame I shouldn't say little, that somehow diminishes it I
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mean it's a four level macrame plant holder.
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George: So yeah, let's not call it little.
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I learnt a lot of knots for those you did, you did.
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Carter: No, I love it.
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And then so you started off with your plants, and then you
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went to your macrame, and then you went so hard on woodworking
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and you built some like planter tables and you built a work
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table for all of your tools, and then you decided to one woman
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one, wheelbarrow it and completely landscape our entire
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backyard by yourself, which is just a feat that I am still
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incredibly amazed by.
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George: I'm glad, but back it up a little bit.
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Why did I do the backyard remodel?
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What did I have to put in there ?
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We had always wanted to do mud kitchen for the kids, but it
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couldn't just be a mud kitchen.
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Unfortunately, I ended up making an L-shaped kitchen that
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is about three square meters.
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It's big and it's got cupboards and it's got a double steel
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sink with a working tap and I made a little dugout for that
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and I used sleepers to edge it off and it's got a shade sail
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above it and I painted it.
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And yeah, considering I mean, I still have absolutely no idea
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what I'm doing.
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Carter: You've done pretty well.
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I think I have done pretty well .
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Considering the mud kitchen was my idea and I started off and
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you were like, so what's your plan with it?
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I'm like I don't know, mate, I'm just raw dogging it and
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you're like, hmm, I'm like you can take over, babe, I know you
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want to Just go hard.
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George: And go hard, you did, I did, but I mean I I let it sit
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there for two weeks.
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I wanted to see what you did.
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I started it.
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Yeah, yeah, you did, babe.
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Good job, thanks babe.
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Yeah, you did well.
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And then, yeah, the split level backyard, because you've always
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said that you wanted it level and I thought, from where I was
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looking, it looked like an easy job.
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It looked like I'd be digging out maybe three inches of dirt
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and it ended up being about two foot yep yeah, so I had to find
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somewhere to put all that dirt.
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Carter: So not the recycling bin , not the sorry the green bin.
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Yeah, what two weeks.
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Two weeks of the garbos being like no, can't even lift it yeah
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, the fogo bin.
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George: Don't make it sound like I was putting straight dirt in
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there.
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I was putting weeds with a little bit of dirt.
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But turns out, in australia our wheelie bins are weight limited
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and I thought, because I could get it out the front of my house
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that it wasn't over 80 kilos, but we learned that it was
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probably about 160.
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So, whoops, sorry.
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Carter: It was pretty heavy.
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Yeah, getting that down the side was rough.
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So, look, we can sit here and say that it's been a pretty
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shitty year in terms of a lot of things, but the year's been
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pretty good to us.
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At the same time, with some things, you've gotten a lot
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accomplished working two jobs and going to school with three
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kids.
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George: There's definitely some pluses.
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Carter: Well, let's get on to the highs of this year.
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So we went to Sydney last week.
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Do you want to tell them what we went to Sydney for?
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George: We went to the Australian Podcasting Awards.
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Carter: Yeah, we did.
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George: Yeah, we went to the Darling Harbour, sofitel, for
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the awards ceremony.
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Carter: Yeah, and your husband was nominated for two awards Yep
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Parenting Podcast of the Year and Editor's Choice Specialised
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Podcast and I won the Parenting Podcast of the Year.
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So listeners who have been with me from the start less than two
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years ago, just a regular old dad recording a podcast in his
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kid's playroom, with no knowledge of podcasting, with no
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training in audio engineering or social media or graphic
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design or anything, or social media or graphic design or
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anything less than two years later, I am the Australian
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Parenting Podcast of the Year and if I didn't have photos and
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if I didn't have the trophy sitting in front of me, I would
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believe it was a fever dream.
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I'm very proud.
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You should be.
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I'm very, very proud.
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George: Yeah, you were up against quite big contenders.
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I wasn't expecting the bulk of them to be SBS and ABC, and you
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know actual journalists, Like networks, yeah, like
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professionals that have been in the industry for a long time.
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Carter: It was, yeah, it was an incredible experience and yeah,
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literally lost for words.
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So, yeah, that's pretty fucking cool.
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I'm pretty chuffed.
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Apart from that, how about Heise as a parent?
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George: We toilet trained Roman.
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Carter: We toilet trained Roman.
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He is what.
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Four and a bit.
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George: Four years, three months , I think.
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Carter: Yeah.
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George: Something like that.
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Carter: We were stressed, we were worried that old May
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wouldn't be able to go to school .
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We were worried about all of it .
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We went to an OT, we went to a behavior specialist, we went to
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several other therapists and then we went to a toilet
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training specialist and all it took.
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None of that stuck all of it.
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All that it took was your dad being like just fucking, don't
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put him in nappies anymore just stop giving him nappies and he
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resisted for a day and then then he realized Mom's not backing
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down yeah, pa was serious.
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Mom's not backing down.
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Dad's on board.
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And that was like what three weeks ago Least.
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George: I'd say it's probably been a month.
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Yeah, no significant accidents.
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It's not something that he ever showed an interest in.
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That's why I wasn't sure if it was going to happen.
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He was ready, he just needed that push, needed the push.
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Carter: Yeah.
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Yeah, I was expecting like every day, just shitty underwear
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, but I think there's only been one or two.
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He pretty much doesn't have any accidents at daycare or kinder.
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So, yeah, I'm very proud of the little guy.
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She doesn't have any accidents at daycare or kinder.
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So, yeah, I'm very proud of the little guy.
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George: Apart from that we've got.
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Hendrix is just about to finish her first year of prep.
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It's wild to think about how quickly that's gone.
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I think she's flourishing at school.
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We know that there's certain areas that she needs a little
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bit more support.
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Know that there's certain areas that she needs a little bit
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more support, but she is so in her element being surrounded by
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people her age, curious people, because she'll, on average I'd
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say, ask me about 410 questions per day.
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She loves to learn, so I'm glad that she's there.
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There was talks of maybe doing another year of kinder because
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her and I both went to school early and we both ended up
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struggling in high school.
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But her kinder teacher said if you wanted to hold her back, you
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would have to get her a tutor five days a week.
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Carter: She was so ready.
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We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, when she's 17 and
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all of our friends are 18, going to schoolies and she can't go.
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George: She can do what I did for schoolies.
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Carter: What fake ID?
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George: Go to Epilock.
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Carter: Go to Lake Epilock.
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George: Country Victoria.
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Carter: And what's the other one , salem?
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Yeah, that one.
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I get her and Hendrix mixed up.
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George: I'm surprised you'd forget that one.
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Carter: Yeah.
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Why don't you tell us about her ?
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George: The way I describe her is she is not a horse you could
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lead to order, let alone make it drink.
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She is very firm in what she wants and when she wants it, and
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usually she wants it 10 minutes ago.
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I take full responsibility for Salem.
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That one is 110% me, so she's just she can be mean.
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Carter: She can be pretty mean.
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George: She can be a pretty mean little girl and I know that
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people are going to say that she's too young, she's not
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capable of that, but this kid is smart.
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She is smart.
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I was putting her to bed the other night and I put up three
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fingers on one hand and I asked her how many.
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She said three.
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And then I put up two more and she said five.
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And I said how the fuck do you know that?
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Carter: For a two-year-old and she recognizes numbers.
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Every day we've got Christmas countdown blocks and every day
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We've got a Christmas countdown blocks and every day we say can
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you change the block from an eight to a seven or a seven to a
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six or whatever have you?
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And she does it, no issues.
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George: No, and I think that's why she struggles so much and
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gets so frustrated.
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Because she's so articulate, like that kid probably speaks
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better than us at this point, like she can manage 20-word
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sentences and we're just out here flogging a dead horse
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trying to get the same six words out doing our best.
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Carter: This is me walking around saying bing bong all day.
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It's quite incredible to see, and she can articulate her
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feelings and emotions as well.
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George: Very emotionally intelligent and she will let you
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know when you've upset her.
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Carter: Oh, she'll let you know when I've upset her.
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Yeah, daddy, made me sad.
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George: Yeah, that was one of her first 18-word sentences that
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you made her sad because you hit her in the eyebrow.
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Carter: That's right, yeah, yeah , I didn't hit her in the
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eyebrow, I took her.
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George: I mean, it's what she's going to tell people, so it's a
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slippery slope from here.
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Dad punched me in the face.
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Carter: I can't wait for her to start lying.
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It's going to be great fun.
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So that's our kids in a nutshell.
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They're all very, very excited for Christmas.
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Every day, hendrix and Roman are like, is it Christmas today?
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And Salem's like no dummies, it's 27 more days.
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Read the blocks, god damn it.
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So, apart from that, that's the kids and that's our highs of
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the year.
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Let's talk about some lows.
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So you were diagnosed with something called PMDD.
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George: Yep, tell us about it.
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Yeah, so PMDD is not something that I really knew about until I
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was already in the thick of it.
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Premenstrual dysphoric disorder and if I get that wrong, please
00:14:59
someone feel free to correct me .
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I started to notice a pattern after I had Salem and every
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month, two weeks before I would get my period, I would get very
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dark to the point where I became suicidal.
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And I'm not a suicidal person.
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I have no plans, no intentions.
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I love my life, I love my family, but each month I would
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just go to a very dark place and it took quite a bit to get me
00:15:32
out of that dark place.
00:15:33
And you know, I also started struggling with adult hormonal
00:15:38
acne, which was an absolute vibe .
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It's not something that I've ever experienced before.
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Shouldn't complain because I got through my teen years
00:15:47
without it but it all just sort of pointed to some hormonal
00:15:51
issues.
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Carter: It's been a ride.
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George: Yeah.
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Carter: It's not fun seeing someone that I love so much just
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turn from happy to so so dark, very dark, so quick, every month
00:16:08
.
00:16:09
George: Yeah.
00:16:10
Carter: Yeah, but now that we know that it's a thing, we work
00:16:14
through it.
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George: Yeah, it's almost like clockwork at this point.
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Carter: Is it every what three weeks?
00:16:21
George: It is my clock's not that good.
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I think it's every all of that, yeah yeah, yeah fair enough
00:16:31
yeah, like I don't know it's fair.
00:16:35
Carter: So do you know of any sort of treatment for anyone out
00:16:39
there with pmdd?
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George: I don't, and if anyone would like to let me know, that
00:16:45
would be fantastic, because I actually went to one of the
00:16:48
local doctors and, being a small country town, I don't expect
00:16:51
greatness.
00:16:52
However, when I went to go see the local doctors and being a
00:16:52
small country town, I don't expect greatness.
00:16:53
However, when I went to go see the doctor, he sort of wiped his
00:16:56
hands of it and he said I'm a male doctor, I'll be honest, I
00:17:00
don't have a great understanding of this and he sat there and he
00:17:03
got on WebMD.
00:17:05
Carter: What's a period?
00:17:06
George: Yeah.
00:17:06
So he prescribed me with contraception because I asked
00:17:10
for it, because I said, hey, this thing will stop the period
00:17:14
and it will stop the bad thoughts.
00:17:15
So, other than that, I think, especially in the new year, I
00:17:20
just need to stop treating my body like a piece of shit.
00:17:24
We need to look after ourselves a bit better.
00:17:27
We can't use the excuse of having a newborn anymore.
00:17:29
Carter: Yeah, yeah, we do.
00:17:30
We need to quit smoking.
00:17:32
We need to quit drinking a little bit maybe.
00:17:35
I don't think it's the cigarettes that I love anymore.
00:17:39
It used to be definitely, but it's.
00:17:42
George: The respite for a few minutes outside.
00:17:44
Carter: Yeah, just getting outside and getting away from
00:17:49
the constant noise.
00:17:50
What other lows have we had?
00:17:55
Let's talk about us.
00:17:57
Let's talk about what's been going on in that space.
00:18:03
George: Yeah.
00:18:06
Carter: So you guys will notice that I have been off social
00:18:09
media for a number of months now .
00:18:11
A few months ago, my TikTok blew up and I had a couple of
00:18:16
viral videos and all of a sudden I was kind of thrust into this
00:18:20
popularity world that I had never really experienced before
00:18:26
and my focus shifted entirely to content creation.
00:18:32
And I was.
00:18:33
There was not a minute of the day that I was not on my phone
00:18:37
and I just, yeah, I dropped the ball really, really bad and it
00:18:40
really fucked my mental health badly and I was just not being
00:18:48
responsible.
00:18:49
None of the shit that I needed to get done was getting done.
00:18:52
I was irritable, I wasn't sleeping properly and, yeah, we
00:18:59
kind of just got into a really bad place.
00:19:01
We stopped communicating because you were just kind of
00:19:03
fed up with my shit.
00:19:06
George: I wouldn't say that I was fed up.
00:19:08
You can look back in retrospect now and say that all of these
00:19:13
things happened, but at the time you didn't have an issue.
00:19:16
You loved it.
00:19:17
You were going viral, you were loving the attention, you were
00:19:23
having such a good time with it and I could see that you were
00:19:25
flourishing and I will give you that.
00:19:27
But it became so all-consuming that there's only so many times
00:19:35
where your kids can say your name right in front of you and
00:19:39
you don't hear it because you're so busy on your phone.
00:19:42
It's you.
00:19:46
You stopped being a dad for the sake of being a dad and you
00:19:51
started parenting for content creation, things like making
00:19:55
pancakes with the kids in the morning.
00:19:57
You weren't doing that to enjoy time with them.
00:20:00
You were doing it because you knew that you had this ability
00:20:03
to make a viral video, which isn't a bad thing.
00:20:06
It was a lesson that I think a lot of people needed to learn
00:20:11
and you had to learn that.
00:20:14
Carter: Yeah, it was pretty shit , Very articulate, babe, and in
00:20:17
the moment yeah, you're right, like it was just, yeah, because
00:20:22
of the autism and whatnot, I was so hyper fixated on it.
00:20:26
It's because, like you know, I've never been a part of
00:20:30
anything apart from the podcast which, like, is not viral by any
00:20:35
standard, that TikTok is just, it's fucking internet heroin.
00:20:40
It's a different beast, that for sure.
00:20:42
I was so locked in and, yeah, it took this kind of breaking
00:20:48
point where you're like, hey, cut this shit out, yeah, and I
00:20:49
realized, oh, yeah, that's fair enough, took this kind of
00:20:50
breaking point where you were like, hey, cut this shit out,
00:20:52
yeah.
00:20:52
And I realized, oh, yep, that's fair enough.
00:20:54
And, yeah, you, you suffered, the kids suffered.
00:20:58
Yep, yeah, I did.
00:21:00
I stopped being a dad for a bit and, uh, that makes the podcast
00:21:05
and everything so inauthentic.
00:21:07
Yeah, because you and the kids are my absolute be all and end
00:21:14
all.
00:21:14
So it's something that's hard to talk about and something that
00:21:17
I'm pretty ashamed of.
00:21:18
But, yeah, that's why the social media is gone, and now
00:21:22
that it's been gone for a few months, I'm you know, I get
00:21:25
messages from mates every now and then asking if I'm coming
00:21:28
back, and now that that it's gone, I don't want it back.
00:21:31
I'm scared.
00:21:32
I'm scared that I will slip back into that, because to me,
00:21:37
everything was good, all engines were firing, but it could not
00:21:43
have been further from the truth .
00:21:47
George: Yeah, that was a very hard pill for you to swallow
00:21:50
because, yeah, you were loving it.
00:21:52
Carter: I mean, yeah, and like I also kind of exited all of that
00:21:55
realm when I was starting to get like offers from advertising
00:22:00
and sponsorship money and stuff like that, and I just walked
00:22:04
away from all of it because you know, my family, at the end of
00:22:07
the day, is worth far more than a couple hundred bucks to be
00:22:11
like you should download this app.
00:22:13
It's really good, yeah.
00:22:14
So yeah, that's that's where I'm at.
00:22:18
I might be back on socials one day, but I probably won't be.
00:22:23
I've still got the, the YouTube , which, over the next couple of
00:22:30
months, while I'm taking a break from the podcast, I'll be
00:22:33
trying to revamp and release some of the episodes as video
00:22:40
instead of just audio.
00:22:42
But as far as next year goes, season three is shaping up to
00:22:47
already look pretty fucking cool .
00:22:48
I've got some guests lined up that are going to be awesome.
00:22:52
You guys all remember an episode with ben.
00:22:56
He sang us his beautiful song with his angelic voice.
00:22:59
So there will be a little bit more of ben next season in ways
00:23:04
you will be surprised at.
00:23:07
I'm excited for that.
00:23:09
But, yeah, just going to keep on keeping on, keep on focusing
00:23:13
on the podcast.
00:23:13
I've got a couple of other projects slash podcasts in
00:23:19
beginning stages.
00:23:20
I'm still trying to get the book published, but it'll all
00:23:25
happen.
00:23:25
What do you reckon about some milestones this year?
00:23:30
Yeah, for us, for the kids so for us we because, yeah, we hit
00:23:35
our five year anniversary, marriage anniversary, yeah,
00:23:37
thank you.
00:23:38
Five years married, five years married yep.
00:23:41
How does that feel for you?
00:23:44
George: no different to fall.
00:23:44
No, I, unfortunately I don't place a massive importance on
00:23:49
dates.
00:23:50
I remember them, but you know I don't need to show you that I
00:23:55
love you more on that day than any other day, because I should
00:23:58
treat you that way every day.
00:24:00
Carter: Yeah.
00:24:01
George: Doesn't really make a difference.
00:24:02
Exactly, I mean, it's five down , probably 10 more to go 10 more
00:24:07
do you reckon?
00:24:08
If you make it that long.
00:24:10
Carter: That's a big bet, that's a bold move.
00:24:11
10 more, do you reckon?
00:24:12
If you make it that long, that's a big bet, that's a bold
00:24:14
move.
00:24:14
Yeah, so you're saying 10 more years till divorce or 10 more
00:24:16
years till I'm dead?
00:24:17
We'll see.
00:24:17
We'll see which come first.
00:24:19
George: His sleep apnea is getting really bad.
00:24:22
Carter: What else, what else, babe, what else do you want to
00:24:27
talk about?
00:24:28
You had New Year's resolutions.
00:24:30
What do you reckon?
00:24:32
George: Yeah, I don't know if I want to do them, because I don't
00:24:37
think we've achieved any that we set last year.
00:24:40
We've achieved none.
00:24:41
Yeah, maybe we could reflect as to why we didn't achieve them.
00:24:45
But I mean, I don't want to have to set that specific date
00:24:51
and you know, 1st of Jan.
00:24:52
Stop doing this, stop doing that, because it takes work,
00:24:57
especially when you're neurodivergent.
00:24:59
It's not as easy as that's the date.
00:25:03
Let's do it.
00:25:04
Carter: Yeah.
00:25:05
George: It's especially hard for you to form habits.
00:25:09
Carter: Yeah, this year's just been.
00:25:10
It's a write-off.
00:25:11
This year's been habits yeah, this year's just been, it's a
00:25:12
write-off.
00:25:12
This year's been rough.
00:25:14
Yeah, I mean, apart from everything that we've discussed,
00:25:17
I was made redundant and I was out of work for the first five
00:25:20
months of the year, which was an incredibly dark time.
00:25:26
It was really sucky.
00:25:29
George: What a lifetime ago.
00:25:30
Yeah, yep, it was really sucky.
00:25:32
What a lifetime ago, yeah, yeah , yeah, this year's complete
00:25:36
write-off.
00:25:37
I think we had all these great plans to save money and lose
00:25:43
weight and get fit and do all the typical things, but I mean
00:25:48
the bottom line we still have a roof above our kids' heads
00:25:53
Barely.
00:25:53
We're still alive.
00:25:56
We still have our health Barely .
00:26:01
Carter: Yeah, it was a year of survive, not thrive.
00:26:04
Yeah, so look at the end of the day, at least we survived.
00:26:10
Yes, at least we survived.
00:26:13
Yeah, that's all I can say.
00:26:14
All right, so before we head off for the night, because it is
00:26:20
10 o'clock, you've worked tonight and we're tired.
00:26:24
Also had a ct scan today.
00:26:27
Also had a ct scan today because you've got the insides
00:26:30
of a 60 year old I do.
00:26:32
George: I'm rotting from the inside.
00:26:34
Carter: We are going to read some Reddit posts from Beyond
00:26:38
the Bump and Parenting, so I will start off with this one
00:26:43
Postpartum struggle.
00:26:44
It's 1.30 in the morning and I can't sleep Again.
00:26:49
I'm five months postpartum with my third child.
00:26:52
My first two children I didn't have any struggle with
00:26:55
postpartum.
00:26:55
This one is kicking my ass.
00:26:58
The first two months I was constantly having panic attacks
00:27:01
that my baby was going to die.
00:27:03
I was having scary out-of-body experiences and dissociating a
00:27:07
lot.
00:27:08
I went to my doctor when I started having visions of
00:27:10
purposely crashing my car and she started me on a really
00:27:13
low-dose antidepressant.
00:27:15
Things started looking up.
00:27:16
I felt better, felt like my old self.
00:27:18
Then, at four months, I got my first period and now I'm all out
00:27:23
of whack again.
00:27:23
I'm just sad and angry all the time.
00:27:25
I literally don't have the energy to do anything, but then
00:27:29
can't sleep.
00:27:30
I don't want anyone to talk to me.
00:27:32
I want to just sit in a dark room all by myself forever.
00:27:36
There's logically no reason why I feel this way.
00:27:39
I have a good life, healthy kids, a good husband who busts
00:27:42
his ass so I can stay home with the kids, a home, bills are paid
00:27:46
, we have what we need and yet all I feel is anger and bitter
00:27:50
and resentful.
00:27:51
I live in New York, so now it's cold and dark 99% of the, and
00:27:56
I'm wondering if I'm struggling with seasonal depression on top
00:27:58
of PPD.
00:27:59
I don't know.
00:28:00
All I know is I don't feel good .
00:28:02
When does this go away?
00:28:03
When does this get better?
00:28:04
What do you reckon?
00:28:08
George: I think the first thing that she needs to back it up on
00:28:10
is saying that there's no logical reason, because mental
00:28:14
health doesn't come down to logic.
00:28:16
It doesn't discriminate.
00:28:18
Mental health doesn't care if you are poor or if you have
00:28:21
money, it just happens.
00:28:23
So I think everything is completely valid.
00:28:26
But that's what a lot of postpartum is.
00:28:29
It's just trying to survive, and every postpartum is so
00:28:34
wildly different from the next, especially third time around.
00:28:38
Carter: Yeah.
00:28:39
George: Yeah, I can definitely vouch for that.
00:28:42
I think I experienced a lot of the same things.
00:28:48
But yeah, you just need to have the ability to talk about it
00:28:51
and see a doctor and maybe look down the route of postpartum
00:28:54
psychosis.
00:28:55
I think maybe that's not just depression.
00:28:59
Carter: Especially if you're dissociating and you're kind of
00:29:01
envisioning crashing your car and stuff like that, that's,
00:29:05
yeah, pretty gnarly.
00:29:07
George: Yeah, but obviously we're not here to give any
00:29:11
medical or professional advice, but seasoned parents.
00:29:15
At this point I think there needs to be a lot of grace taken
00:29:20
with yourself in postpartum.
00:29:21
You really need to cut yourself a break.
00:29:24
She shouldn't be so hard on herself.
00:29:28
I guess I get it.
00:29:30
Carter: But you also need to think that you're not alone in
00:29:33
these experiences, and that's a lot of what this podcast is
00:29:36
about, is, you know, there's people out there that have gone
00:29:39
through those similar struggles and had those similar thoughts
00:29:43
and shit ain't easy, I know personally.
00:29:48
The jump from two to three kids for us was really hard, that's
00:29:53
you know.
00:29:53
That's when I had my full meltdowns and ended up with the
00:29:57
diagnosis because I was just like I don't want to be touched,
00:30:01
seen, heard.
00:30:02
I want to just fade into oblivion and find peace there
00:30:10
are you sure that you weren't diagnosed after hendrix?
00:30:13
fuck, I don't know, I can't remember.
00:30:14
Eight weeks, okay weeks, oh no, that was with PPD.
00:30:17
I'm talking about the autism diagnosis.
00:30:19
Ah, okay, wasn't that?
00:30:20
After Salem was born, roman was too.
00:30:24
George: Yeah.
00:30:25
Carter: Yeah.
00:30:26
George: It's so hard to keep track of when we were diagnosed
00:30:28
with what.
00:30:29
Carter: Very, very true.
00:30:30
We need to start a logbook, yeah, so, overall, cut yourself
00:30:34
some slack and I hope you're doing better but I do understand
00:30:39
if it is perhaps postpartum psychosis.
00:30:42
George: There is still such a massive stigma surrounding that
00:30:47
because you might not have intentions to harm anyone or to
00:30:51
do anything, but to vocalize those thoughts.
00:30:54
Everyone immediately would think things like
00:30:58
institutionalize her, she's going to hurt her baby take her
00:31:01
baby away from yeah, so that's why so many people are afraid to
00:31:04
talk about it.
00:31:07
Carter: I think a lot of that stigma needs to be removed by
00:31:09
talking about it yeah, well, if you go back to, I can't even
00:31:14
remember what episode it would have been, but there was a guest
00:31:18
that we had on that had talked about envisioning putting a
00:31:22
pillow over her face just to stop crying, not to hurt her,
00:31:28
and that was so brave of her to share that.
00:31:30
You know, those types of things are not easy thoughts to have,
00:31:39
nor are they easy conversations to have, because it's a scary
00:31:40
thing to say something like that and be so vulnerable and so
00:31:44
honest when a lot of the world would judge you for merely
00:31:51
having those thoughts yeah, but you don't know how many people
00:31:53
around you are also having those same thoughts until we start to
00:31:57
talk about it.
00:31:58
Exactly right.
00:31:59
It's kind of like standing in a dark room alone, feeling just
00:32:04
helpless and worthless, until you start talking about your
00:32:07
problems and realize you know, the light goes on and that
00:32:10
room's not empty.
00:32:11
You've got a whole room full of other people being like hey, I
00:32:14
feel the same, all right, next one I just needed someone to
00:32:24
tell me what I'm feeling is okay .
00:32:25
Our three-and-a-half-year-old.
00:32:26
It is yes, our three-and-a-half-year-old slept
00:32:27
alone in her own bed from eight weeks until September 19th.
00:32:30
Since then, she's been in our bed every night.
00:32:33
I'm a homemaker and with her and her four month, 14 month old
00:32:38
sister all day, bedtime was my one solace.
00:32:41
It's really getting to me.
00:32:43
She is on me all the time and it makes me cringe.
00:32:45
I have no reprieve from her.
00:32:47
I hate when she touches me.
00:32:49
Now I feel like I have no time to myself without having someone
00:32:52
touch me and it's driving me insane.
00:32:54
Yeah, you know what that is being touched out.
00:32:58
That's touched out.
00:32:58
Being touched out, sister.
00:33:00
George: That bank is empty.
00:33:02
Carter: Yeah.
00:33:04
George: Yeah, that's completely understandable.
00:33:06
Carter: Totally yeah, especially if she was in her own bed.
00:33:09
And now all of a sudden she's not and there's no reprieve.
00:33:14
Yeah, yep, I mean.
00:33:17
Yeah, we've talked about this stuff on the podcast so much
00:33:19
that I don't need to really say anything more about that.
00:33:22
But you are not alone.
00:33:23
Next one, my partner.
00:33:26
You've made own boundaries.
00:33:27
Yeah, goddamn, get off me, just lingerers.
00:33:30
My partner thinks I do nothing and it infuriates me.
00:33:35
This is going to be a decent one to talk about.
00:33:39
I spend the entire day Sunday cooking, cleaning and prepping
00:33:42
for the week, as well as keeping our toddler busy while he built
00:33:45
the deck out the back, while her husband built the deck out
00:33:49
the back, I'm guessing.
00:33:50
Not the toddler, no, not the toddler.
00:33:53
We are both high functioning and keep busy.
00:33:55
I work four days a week in corporate plus, have a side
00:33:58
business.
00:33:59
He has his own business and we just moved into a house we spent
00:34:02
the last year building.
00:34:04
I feel like I do everything I humanly can to keep up with his
00:34:08
expectations, but it's never enough.
00:34:10
Monday I went to work and he had his day at home with our son.
00:34:14
He was so overwhelmed because the floors weren't clean and the
00:34:17
box I was unpacking hadn't yet been organized into the craft
00:34:21
drawers I bought on Sunday.
00:34:22
Admittedly, the house was a little untidy, but I do
00:34:26
everything I can to keep it clean.
00:34:27
He totally blew up saying things like I need to step up, I
00:34:32
never finish tasks, I don't know what it's like to work hard
00:34:35
for what I have and that I think around the house.
00:34:38
All of this is completely untrue and I really don't even
00:34:42
don't know if he even believes it or if he's just projecting
00:34:46
from some other reason, like sexual frustration or plain
00:34:50
overwhelm.
00:34:50
It's confusing for me.
00:34:52
I feel that nothing is ever enough for him, no matter how
00:34:55
hard I try and genuinely I do try.
00:34:58
Where's the red flag guy?
00:35:00
George: That's a lot to unpack.
00:35:06
Carter: Thoughts, feelings, comments.
00:35:09
George: I don't know.
00:35:10
I can see both sides of this because I've been on both sides
00:35:16
Many times.
00:35:17
I've asked you for more help and we've had discussions about
00:35:20
that and you say I am doing everything I can but you just
00:35:26
don't see it.
00:35:26
So you feel underappreciated in that sense.
00:35:31
But in saying that, I'm also the one that goes to work and
00:35:36
lifts heavy things and works long hours and builds the deck
00:35:40
outside and mows the lawn and that is the easy job.
00:35:43
Seven days out of the week, that is the easy job.
00:35:48
What you got?
00:35:49
To go outside and be in the sun , have a couple beers and hammer
00:35:53
some wood.
00:35:54
Come on that compared to looking after a toddler alone.
00:36:00
Being a homemaker, she doesn't need to do any more than what
00:36:05
she already does.
00:36:06
She could go to work full-time I agree make him stay home.
00:36:10
I agree completely.
00:36:11
So many parents that aren't the primary parent have one day
00:36:15
looking after the kids and they have a complete mental break
00:36:17
seeing what the other half does yeah, yeah, it's a lot.
00:36:23
Carter: It's a lot of work.
00:36:24
I um.
00:36:25
What I found funny with this one is is the fact that he
00:36:30
actually had the balls to say something.
00:36:31
Something as well.
00:36:32
You need to step up.
00:36:33
But I think you know you are, for the most part, the primary
00:36:41
parent.
00:36:42
You do the bulk of the cleaning and there's some times where
00:36:49
you'll leave little messes around and I look at them and
00:36:52
I'm like that's of annoying.
00:36:54
I would never in a million years bring it up to you.
00:36:57
No, because, like you know, no matter what messes you leave, I
00:37:01
leave more.
00:37:02
George: Yeah, I might clean up 99 and leave one.
00:37:04
You're really going to complain about that one.
00:37:07
Carter: Exactly, exactly.
00:37:08
Yeah, I think he needs to chill the fuck out.
00:37:12
George: I think it needs to stop being this massive divide
00:37:15
between a mother's job and a dad's job.
00:37:19
It's a partnership.
00:37:20
If more needs to be done, do more yeah she's already said
00:37:26
that she's at capacity, doing everything that she can do, and
00:37:29
there's not a whole lot you can do with kids at home yeah, you
00:37:35
know you can do.
00:37:36
You can go outside and build a deck because your wife's inside
00:37:40
looking after the kids.
00:37:41
Try building that deck with the kids outside.
00:37:44
Carter: Yeah that's exactly right.
00:37:46
Summed up pretty well, I reckon , all right.
00:37:49
Last one unsolicited advice from old ladies, and I reckon
00:37:53
we'll have a story to share about this as well.
00:37:56
We had our daughter a month ago and every single time I've gone
00:38:04
out alone and used public transport, I've had unsolicited
00:38:05
advice from old ladies.
00:38:06
Your baby needs a hat on, you need to hold the baby's neck.
00:38:10
This is your first baby, right?
00:38:11
When the baby was crying on the bus, I tried to use slash
00:38:15
scrunch, a paper bag to get her attention whilst stroking her
00:38:19
face, mainly because nothing I was doing was working and old
00:38:22
ladies told me I shouldn't use the paper as she was too young
00:38:25
and it might be why she's crying .
00:38:26
I just thanked, thanked them for the advice and shrugged it
00:38:29
off.
00:38:30
However, is this now what will happen forever?
00:38:32
It felt a little judgy.
00:38:33
Is this now my life?
00:38:35
George: yes, yes yeah, 110, that is your life, and it's not just
00:38:40
going to be from elderly women.
00:38:42
It can come in so many forms.
00:38:45
People you know and love giving unsolicited advice remember the
00:38:52
time.
00:38:53
Carter: at what was it coles, yes, with the dummy.
00:38:55
What was that about?
00:38:58
George: Yeah, I remember we used to live in.
00:39:02
Carter: Poppers Crossing.
00:39:03
George: Yeah, so a suburb, you know, with CBD, essentially Much
00:39:10
larger town than Wobber Inn now , Much larger population.
00:39:13
Didn't know anyone there and I had gone.
00:39:18
We had gone grocery shopping with Hendrix and at this point I
00:39:20
think she was about five weeks old and Hendrix had spat the
00:39:24
dummy out and it fell down on the ground and an old lady
00:39:27
picked it up and grabbed it and wiped it off with her hands and
00:39:33
put it in Hendrix's mouth with her hands and put it in
00:39:37
Hendrix's mouth, which look, not a massive issue, but at this
00:39:40
point we're three months off, COVID.
00:39:45
Carter: I was so glad that I didn't see it.
00:39:46
George: I would have leaped out.
00:39:48
Yeah, it's almost like people have this sense of entitlement
00:39:52
to your baby.
00:39:53
If they've had kids, they can tell you how to parent or what
00:39:57
to do, you know?
00:39:59
Just hey, don't fucking touch my kid.
00:40:01
don't touch my kid's dummy don't wipe my kid's dummy off with
00:40:06
your grotty hands and put it back in her mouth look, I think
00:40:11
that her intentions were probably great, but I don't know
00:40:15
you, and you don't know that Hendrix hasn't had her
00:40:18
vaccinations, which, again, if you want to get into the realm
00:40:22
of unsolicited advice, that's quite a trigger point
00:40:27
vaccinations.
00:40:29
Carter: We won't go into that.
00:40:30
George: No, that's not my argument to have.
00:40:32
My kids are autistic anyway.
00:40:33
Yeah it'll, it'll always happen .
00:40:37
It'll come from friends, from family, from co-workers.
00:40:42
You know there's another way you should be doing it, or I did
00:40:47
it this way and everyone.
00:40:50
Their way is the right way not us, I think I think we can admit
00:40:58
that we're all still trying to figure it out yeah we're not
00:41:03
experts and I would never tell someone to do something the way
00:41:06
that we did it.
00:41:07
I just tell them hey, does it work for you?
00:41:09
And if it does, great, and if it doesn't, then we can talk.
00:41:13
Carter: Yeah, undote, I think unsolicited advice needs to be
00:41:18
met with Just smile and wave boys.
00:41:22
Just smile and wave.
00:41:23
Yeah Like, ignore it as much as you possibly can because it
00:41:26
won't stop and it's not worth taking up the real estate.
00:41:30
George: No, and it's not worth starting an argument if your kid
00:41:34
needs a beanie or not, because they used to tell us to smoke
00:41:37
while we were pregnant.
00:41:41
Carter: All right, well, thanks very much for joining me my love
00:41:43
on the season two finale of the parenting podcast of the year.
00:41:50
George: Thank you very much for having me in our dining room at
00:41:54
our own house.
00:41:55
Carter: Let's go the fuck to bed and watch some yellowstone.
00:41:58
Can't wait.
00:41:59
All right until next year.
00:42:01
Everyone, I hope your years were better than ours and I hope
00:42:06
next year is awesome for all of you.
00:42:08
Cheers.