Body Positivity and Parenting: Lessons from Breanna

[00:00:00] Carter: Trigger warning. The following podcast contains explicit language and discussions of sensitive topics that some listeners may find distressing, including miscarriage, child abuse, mental health issues, and birth trauma. Listener discretion is advised. If you feel triggered or overwhelmed at any point, we encourage you to pause the episode and take care of yourself.

[00:00:19] Carter: Welcome to episode six of the Touchdown podcast. Today we have Brianna from New York. Brianna is a 33 year old student and stay at home. Mom of five children ranging from seven years to four months old. Brianna shared with me her passion for becoming a teacher and her vision for being a lighthouse for her future students.

[00:00:36] Carter: It is a selfless decision that truly highlights her dedication to the next generation. Brianna and I also talked about the dynamics of her family and how they enjoy spending time together despite the chaos that comes with raising five children. We discuss a whole range of topics today from the importance of body image and self love and teaching our children to advocate for themselves.

[00:00:56] Carter: To the fears Brianna has in becoming a teacher in America, and [00:01:00] the mental health strain that comes with having school aged children in American society. This topic becomes quite emotional for Brianna and myself, so I do apologize in advance if the conversation offends or upsets anyone, but I am incredibly thankful and appreciative of Brianna's bravery in being vulnerable with discussing this with me.

[00:01:17] Carter: We wrap up the episode with a bit of lighthearted banter about 90s music and the joys of embarrassing our children. I hope you all enjoy episode six of the podcast.[00:02:00] 

[00:02:00] Intro: Good

[00:02:09] Carter: day everyone. Today we have Brianna. Uh, Brianna is 33 from New York. Uh, Brianna has five children. A seven year old, a six year old, a three year old, a two year old, and a four month old. Where are we? How are you, Brianna? 

[00:02:25] Breeana: I'm doing well. How are you today? 

[00:02:28] Carter: I'm pretty good. Thank you. Uh, you are my third podcast for the day.

[00:02:32] Carter: So I am running on fumes as we've just discussed. We'll see how we go. Hopefully, uh, hopefully I'm not a horrible host for you tonight. Otherwise you can be the host and interview me. 

[00:02:43] Breeana: I'm sure you're going to be fabulous. I'm sure 

[00:02:45] Carter: of 

[00:02:46] Breeana: it. 

[00:02:46] Carter: Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you very much for joining and sorry again, for me being late because daylight savings ended in Australia the other day.

[00:02:53] Carter: So the schedule's got all mixed up, but you know, we're here now. So that's all that matters. Uh, why don't you run me through a little bit about yourself [00:03:00] and a little bit about your family and, uh, we'll take it from there. 

[00:03:03] Breeana: Yeah. So like you said, I'm 33, I live in New York. I am currently a student. I'm going to school to become an educator, which, Is not a amazing thing here in America, given our situation, but you know, we're doing the thing.

[00:03:19] Breeana: I am also a stay at home mom. So I manage our household of all the craziness and all the monkeys. My husband and I have five awesome kids, Lennon, Ronan, Owen, Sutton, and Devin. 

[00:03:35] Carter: Cool. Cool names. 

[00:03:36] Breeana: Thank you. And, um, yeah, we just hang out and vibe and I don't know, just love to be together. I mean, that's our biggest thing is we just love hanging out and being together.

[00:03:49] Carter: Yeah, that's, uh, that's the main thing. And how long have you and your husband been married? 

[00:03:53] Breeana: Um, so we've been married for six years this year, but we've been together [00:04:00] for 12 and a half years, almost 13 years. We met as teenagers at a, um, for the Fallen Dreams concert. 

[00:04:09] Carter: Oh, okay. Nice. Metalheads. 

[00:04:12] Breeana: Oh yes. You know, the early 2000s, you know how it goes.

[00:04:16] Carter: I have not listened to the, uh, for the Fallen Dreams in a very long time. 

[00:04:20] Breeana: Yeah. Well, I'd 

[00:04:21] Carter: have to, uh, might have to break that out and blow the dust of it soon. 

[00:04:24] Breeana: Yes. 

[00:04:25] Carter: Completely forgot about that band. Awesome. So you live in New York. What's the weather like there at the moment? 

[00:04:31] Breeana: Well, I'm in. I'm just south of Buffalo, New York.

[00:04:34] Breeana: So we are, you know, it's always cold all the time. It's actually been pretty nice the last couple of days, but you know, we're known for our snowmageddon that we get once a year. 

[00:04:45] Carter: Yeah. Right. I've, um, I've discussed at large, uh, seasonal depression with, uh, some other guests from like Saskatoon, Canada, where it's cold majority of the year and snowing and whatnot.

[00:04:56] Carter: Uh, it's not something that happens here. So. The only gauge I have with [00:05:00] snow and a white Christmas and everything like that is the things you see on movies. And it looks absolutely beautiful and amazing, but I've said that it definitely wouldn't be that way when you live with it almost year round and you always wet and cold.

[00:05:12] Carter: Uh, so yeah, I think, fuck that. I don't think I could do it, mate. 

[00:05:16] Breeana: Yeah. You know, I tell my husband all the time. I'm like, if I could just have. The like white Christmas for like three to five days around Christmas, I'd be great, but you know, it sticks around for way too long, especially here in Buffalo. It's, it's not, it's not cute.

[00:05:34] Carter: Yeah, it's no bueno. So you are studying to become a teacher. 

[00:05:40] Breeana: Let's 

[00:05:40] Carter: talk a little bit about that. Um, obviously that's a, It's a pretty hot topic in the States at the moment, uh, around schools and, uh, absolutely heartbreaking things that happen in those schools. Uh, so, you know, based on all of that information alone, what led you to [00:06:00] wanting to become a teacher and, uh, You know, essentially putting your own life at risk by doing so.

[00:06:05] Breeana: Yeah. I mean, for me, the biggest thing, I guess, for me was when COVID started, um, my daughter's first year of school was in 2020. She started kindergarten, uh, virtually. And I was absolutely terrified that she wasn't going to get this, like, You know, normal experience with school and watching the way that her teacher, like, just was so connected with her students and really went above and beyond to like, make an impact on these kids lives.

[00:06:37] Breeana: It was just like this light bulb went off and I was like, I want to do that for the other children. I want to be a lighthouse for these kids. And I think now more than ever, I mean, it's absolutely terrifying and heartbreaking and heartbreaking. Yeah. unfair what these children and other educators are going through.

[00:06:57] Breeana: And it honestly like makes me so mad and [00:07:00] almost like emotional to like, think about, but I, I just, I want to be a lighthouse for these kids anyway. I can. 

[00:07:06] Carter: Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a very, very selfless act to become a teacher, full stop, let alone become a teacher in, uh, in America at the moment. Uh, so yeah, I, I definitely have a lot of respect for you for, uh, you know, putting, uh, The young minds of the future, uh, ahead of, you know, your own safety.

[00:07:26] Carter: I work in, um, a youth justice facility. So a juvenile detention center is what you would probably call it in America. So, you know, I'm, I'm no stranger to kind of putting yourself at risk for the sake of others. And, you know, it's, it's often a very, very thankless role. Uh, and it's. It's not often that you, uh, you receive any sort of recognition for the work that you do.

[00:07:49] Carter: Uh, but when you do receive that recognition, uh, boy, it just, um, it makes everything so worth it. I've worked nights now for three years and, uh, I'm making a point with any [00:08:00] of the boys that are on my unit to tell them, you know, At night times, that's when, you know, they're the most vulnerable because they're alone with their thoughts, you know, for just over 12 hours of the day, they're in their rooms.

[00:08:12] Carter: So I make it a point to buzz them up and say, hey, you know, if you can't sleep, if you have any thoughts, if you know, you just want to talk shit and talk about football or talk about. Cars. I don't know anything about cars, but I'll listen to you. I just buzzed me up, you know, that's what I'm here for. And, uh, I've been doing that for three years straight and two nights ago was the first time one of the boys, uh, actually took me up on the offer and buzzed me up and we ended up having a chat for about an hour and talked about nothing.

[00:08:38] Carter: And it just, it just made that entire three years of me doing that. It made it all worth it. So, um, let's hope in your chosen career, you, you get those thankful, uh, Uh, we are able to truly understand why you're doing what it is you do. And, um, you know, God forbid anything terrible would have happened in the meantime.

[00:08:59] Carter: [00:09:00] So we'll talk today a little bit about the dynamics of your household. Obviously it's, it's a very, very busy household given that you've got five kids, seven and under. So you're currently stay at home mom and studying. What does your husband do for work? 

[00:09:13] Breeana: So my husband, um, he currently works in, um, Restoration.

[00:09:19] Breeana: So he is a branch manager for a restoration company that does like commercial and residential restoration and mitigation. So like if a pipe bursts in your home. So like 

[00:09:33] Carter: household. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So like maintenance and restoration in that kind of realm. 

[00:09:38] Breeana: Um, so he'll, he manages both the cleanup and the reconstruction side of it, but he also does, um, a lot of commercial work with this office as well.

[00:09:47] Breeana: So a lot of. We had a blizzard, like the Buffalo blizzard around Christmas time. And, Oh, I mean, all of Buffalo was shut down. There was, it was really bad. [00:10:00] Um, but he's doing a lot of, a lot of work from that storm still with a lot of residential and commercial buildings. So he's been doing that. 

[00:10:08] Carter: Does he enjoy that?

[00:10:09] Carter: Or is that more of just a, like, I'm doing this just to provide for my family? Or, 

[00:10:13] Breeana: um, it started out that way, but he, He absolutely loves it. Um, he's been doing it now for eight years. It started off in a company where he was doing solely commercial stuff and he was traveling a lot. Um, those first three years, he probably, I probably saw him maybe two months in three years and it wasn't like two consecutive months.

[00:10:38] Breeana: It was like a day here, two days here. So that was really hard. I mean, we had the, just the two then. So thank God it wasn't all five of these monsters, but 

[00:10:50] Carter: yeah, don't, uh, don't feed them after midnight. Hey, 

[00:10:53] Breeana: exactly. 

[00:10:56] Carter: Awesome. So delve into a little bit about how, uh, [00:11:00] you and I, uh, got linked in together. Uh, I have, uh, I run a, a weight loss Instagram page, um, that I've been, uh, working on for about, you know, a bit over two, two and a half, three years, maybe now, and I've been on, you know, quite like a health journey.

[00:11:18] Carter: I've lost. Uh, I had lost 43 kilos at my lowest weight. I'm back up a little bit now after going back to work and, you know, focusing on this podcast and stuff. I'll stop moving my body as much cause I'm stretched pretty thin as far as time goes. Uh, but that's how we met you. You also run your own, um, health and wellness page.

[00:11:37] Carter: Why don't you, uh, tell me a little bit about that? 

[00:11:39] Breeana: Yeah. So we connected through, through our wellness journeys. I started, I mean, I feel like I've been on a wellness journey, like my entire life. Life, some forced that, you know, I didn't really choose to be on. And then the last probably four years has been a chosen journey.

[00:11:58] Breeana: And [00:12:00] yeah, I've just been working really hard to, you know, obviously having babies. Changes your body a whole lot. So I'm just trying to get to a place where I feel like really comfortable and confident in my own body and trying to unlearn some of the icky, you know, societal standards that have been forced in my brain for the last 30 years.

[00:12:22] Breeana: And it, I mean, it's been a journey, but we're, we're working through it. I'm, I feel a lot more like strong in my self. Which is beautiful. It's the first time I feel like in a long, uh, probably ever that I feel really like confident in my own skin regardless that I'm quote unquote overweight. So that feels pretty nice.

[00:12:43] Breeana: I will say that's the one benefit, one benefit of this wellness journey for sure. 

[00:12:49] Carter: Yeah, a lot of, a lot of the people that I, I have met through, through that Instagram, the weight loss page, I've, I've found that a lot of us share a lot of things in common and [00:13:00] it does definitely link into mental health and struggles with mental health and a lot of that is body dysmorphia.

[00:13:08] Carter: So, you know, I'm, I'm 40, I think I said, as I said, like 42 kilos, 43 kilos down, uh, I reckon I'll probably put on about 5 or 6 since then. Still a pretty big amount of weight gone. I think it equates to around 100 pounds, a bit under, a bit over maybe, but I find that. Most days, you know, I find that a lot of the time I look in the mirror and I still see every bit of 143 kilo Carter staring back at me and I really, really have to strain my eyes and look hard and use my imagination to remind myself of how far I've come as, as that's something that Uh, you find that you deal with, uh, within yourself in your journey?

[00:13:51] Breeana: Yeah. I mean, I definitely feel like, sorry, she's going to make an appearance. 

[00:13:55] Carter: That's all right. Hi baby. You say, yeah. [00:14:00] Oh, gorgeous. 

[00:14:01] Breeana: Goodness. You're just a chatty Cathy this morning. Sorry. 

[00:14:05] Carter: Um, 

[00:14:10] Breeana: you're going to try to steal the show. Now, you know, I, I definitely struggle with that. I struggle with being able to, I haven't lost quite as much.

[00:14:19] Breeana: I'm down a little over 50 pounds now from my highest weight, but you know, I struggle, I think the most with my biggest thing has always been just allowing myself to. Be in my body and like be okay, being where I'm at and feeling good about where I'm at, no matter what size I am, you, um, geez, Louise sister, I have always, I have always kind of equated myself worth and who I am as a person and all of that with.

[00:14:55] Breeana: My size, because that was kind of what was taught to me as a, as a kid. You know, I [00:15:00] was always told that no one will ever love you if you are fat. So I have always equated that with being, you know, being a big person that I was completely just unlovable and gross, and no one was going to, to be able to.

[00:15:16] Breeana: Want to be with me, but now, you know, here I am all these years later and I have this incredible human being as my partner and I have these five beautiful kids and they don't look at me and they don't go like, ew, mom's fat. And she's horrible and we hate her. They're like, Oh my gosh, my mom has the best arms to give the bestest hugs.

[00:15:40] Breeana: Or my mom's squishy belly is the best place to lay my head when I don't feel good. And that to me has been the most. Like beautiful and like awesome way to like, kind of change how I look at myself. Stay with us. We'll be right back.[00:16:00] 

[00:16:03] Carter: We are proud to announce our children's book. Girls Can Wear Pants Too is up for pre order. Head to the podcast Instagram and hit the bio link to sign up for pre order today.

[00:16:15] Carter: Yeah, it definitely, uh, heals the soul, doesn't it? 

[00:16:19] Breeana: Oh, yeah, 

[00:16:19] Carter: they, uh, the little buggers will break down your walls no matter what. 

[00:16:23] Breeana: Oh, my gosh. And you try so hard. You're like, I'm still cool. I'm still tough. 

[00:16:29] Carter: Nope, none of it. None of it. I am. I'm absolute mush when it comes to my kids and they have me eating out of the palm of their hand at any given day.

[00:16:39] Carter: Oh, yes. So as far as your weight loss journey and. You know, mental health battles surrounding that, do you ensure that you promote a healthy mindset and, you know, body positive way of parenting to ensure that your kids don't grow up in such a damaging way as you did? 

[00:16:58] Breeana: Yeah, I mean, you [00:17:00] know, when I look back at what, how I was raised and especially around my weight, I mean, you know, I grew up in the nineties where if you weren't a twig, you weren't beautiful.

[00:17:11] Breeana: And then I also unfortunately had that same kind of view perpetuated from my home life. I mean, it went as far as I was woken up two hours earlier than my siblings so I could get a workout in. And then I was given a separate breakfast from my siblings so that I could stay skinny. Okay. So, the biggest thing for me, and my, you know, teaching my girls, because I've got four of them, the biggest thing for me has just been to teach them, like, hey, you know, your body is your body, and it's beautiful no matter what size it is.

[00:17:47] Breeana: You know, being fat, like mommy, isn't a bad thing and, you know, uh, really teaching them to love their bodies that no matter what size and teaching them [00:18:00] that food is not this like good or bad thing, that there are foods that are nourishing for your body. And then there are foods like ice cream that are nourishing for your soul.

[00:18:10] Breeana: And sometimes, sometimes you just need some ice cream and that's okay. 

[00:18:15] Carter: That's it. Yep. Ice cream makes the world go round. It does. Look, we're quite the same. Fat isn't a word in our house. We, my kids are picky eaters as it is, you know, 

[00:18:27] Breeana: they'll love one 

[00:18:28] Carter: food one minute and then the next time they won't even touch it and think it's disgusting.

[00:18:33] Carter: But if my, if my oldest had her way, she would live off McDonald's and pizza. 

[00:18:39] Breeana: Cool. That's not 

[00:18:43] Carter: the fact that she has an unhealthy relationship with food. I think most kids would probably choose that as well. If given the chance that I make sure to, when we talk about, you know, foods and, and moderation, we, we say, you know, every food, everything that's edible, you can put in your mouth [00:19:00] is fine.

[00:19:01] Carter: But as long as it's not. You know, it's not an always food and nothing's an always food, you know, it's not, it wouldn't be good for you to sit there and eat like 10 kilos of apples, you know, too much of a good thing. Still a bad thing as well. So we make sure to really promote that with our kids. I also make sure not to.

[00:19:20] Carter: Try and cover up if I am in any stage of undress. If my kids bust in on on me in the bedroom after I've had a shower, you know, this is my bedroom. This is my private space. You've chosen to enter here and you are just going to have to see the bits hanging and dangling and just deal with it. But, you know, I don't.

[00:19:38] Carter: I don't let them kind of see my insecurities or like, you know, the look on my face if they were to enter the room, you know, I just, I'm just like this, you know, this is me, uh, this is dad, this is the only dad you've got, and this is the only body he's got, so that's just how it is, and I think that alone, uh, Is a really, really great start to any child's life to [00:20:00] normalize bodies of all shapes and sizes in any stage of undress.

[00:20:04] Carter: And, you know, you'll have parents out there that are like, you know, there's no way I'd ever shower with my kids or anything like that. And, you know, I'm not ever going to poo poo. Any type of parent and what they do with their kid is completely their business. But me personally, I think for me not to share with my kids, it's making something that shouldn't be weird, weird, and it's kind of adding this silly element of sexualization at a young age that just does not need to be there at all.

[00:20:32] Carter: So, you know, we're, we're trying our best to ensure that our kids. Uh, able to grow up self sufficient and confident and comfortable in their own skin and with the ability to advocate for themselves. And I think we're off to a pretty good start, even if my daughter is a little bit of a menace when it comes to arguing with mom and dad, but, you know, that's her advocating for herself as well.

[00:20:56] Carter: So we probably don't give her enough leeway with that as well. You know, when she argues, we're [00:21:00] probably a little too quick to pull the trigger and go, you know, like, Go to the, go to your room or go to the corner or anything like that. So that's, you know, still stuff that we're working on as people, but it's, it's definitely a lot better than, you know, prior generations.

[00:21:14] Breeana: Oh, yeah. I mean, I think the biggest thing too, is what you just said is we're working on it. Like. Having that self awareness, I feel like now, especially, is so much different than it was when, you know, we were growing up, you know, I think parents today are so much more aware of the effects that their words and their actions have on their kids, and they're so much more conscious of like, okay, I want to make better choices, and we might not always make better choices, but like, we're able to say like, hey, yo, I'm really sorry, I made a wrong choice in the way I just talked to you or the way I just handled that situation.

[00:21:49] Breeana: Let's fix it together. You know? 

[00:21:52] Carter: Yep. We, uh, definitely make it a point to, uh, apologize to our kids. If we lose our temper at the end of the day, we're all people. We all [00:22:00] make mistakes. Nobody is ever perfect. I think the biggest, the biggest lesson that a child can take away from perhaps a parent losing their is the fact that their parents can also sit down and say, Hey, I'm sorry, buddy.

[00:22:15] Carter: I, I shouldn't have yelled, but you know, this made me upset. And this is the reasons why perhaps next time we can try and work out a different way of going about things. You know, we have feelings charts up on the wall. We don't use them anywhere near as much as we should. We try to, but you know, at least they're there, they're there as backups if we really need.

[00:22:35] Carter: And they do help my son a little bit as far as his autism goes when he's kind of in meltdown and. Well, not if we're able to get him in front of the charts, we can try to redirect him and kind of stop the meltdown in its tracks. It's, it's few and far between that it works, but sometimes it does. 

[00:22:52] Breeana: Hey, and those sometimes.

[00:22:54] Breeana: I think that's just, 

[00:22:55] Carter: that's paid for themselves 

[00:22:57] Breeana: just 

[00:22:57] Carter: in those sometimes. Yeah. So [00:23:00] as far as being a parent of five, stay at home mum in a very, very cold and snowy city, you would likely have some mental health diagnoses or issues or. Qualms or any, any way you would like to spin it. 

[00:23:18] Breeana: Oh, yeah, they're all wrapped up tight.

[00:23:19] Breeana: Nice. 

[00:23:21] Carter: That's it. How about you run us through them and how they affect your day to day life? 

[00:23:26] Breeana: Yeah. So I have generalized anxiety. I have, um, just a generalized depression disorder. I also am currently sprinkled with a lovely dose of postpartum depression and anxiety as well. And as a former therapist, love to tell me a dash of OCD.

[00:23:47] Breeana: Just a 

[00:23:49] Carter: dash. A 

[00:23:50] Breeana: dash. Oh, yes. 

[00:23:53] Carter: I loved 

[00:23:53] Breeana: how, how loved how they threw that one in there for me. 

[00:23:57] Carter: Yeah, right. 

[00:23:58] Breeana: But [00:24:00] yeah, you know, I, as a parent, you know, sometimes. Those things get amplified, especially my anxiety. My, I think my anxiety has never been worse than, you know, as in my momming years, especially these last few years, you know, we actually just moved back to the area.

[00:24:21] Breeana: Back to New York, we were living in Indiana for the past four years, and I would say that my anxiety was probably at an all time high living there and away from everybody and all of our family and kind of alone and isolated out there. Um, but yeah. You know, being a, a parent with any, I mean, even if you had perfect mental health, being a parent is hard as fuck, there's no way around it.

[00:24:45] Breeana: It's hard as fuck. And you love these tiny humans more than anything in the world, but they push buttons that you didn't even know you had. And all of a sudden you feel like. Mount Vesuvius is like just exploding out of your head and [00:25:00] adding the anxiety and the depression on top of that, you know, I, I'm, I do feel like I am quicker to lose my shit than I might have.

[00:25:12] Breeana: If I wasn't somebody that suffered with anxiety and then of course, you know, the depressive side of it kicks in and you're like, Oh my gosh, you just yelled at your kid. Like you are the world's worst mother. They're going to hate you growing up like you are damaging them with every single word that comes out of your mouth.

[00:25:29] Breeana: And it is, it is a constant battle. I feel like. I'm not only parenting my five kids, but a lot of times because of my mental health, I feel like I'm also having to parent myself and like, it's an internal, you know, discussion regularly, like, okay, Brianna, like you are not hurting them. Like you are doing okay.

[00:25:51] Breeana: Like what you are doing is not a bad thing, you know, and. I think 

[00:25:57] Carter: you're just doing the best you can. Yeah, 

[00:25:59] Breeana: you're just doing the [00:26:00] best you 

[00:26:00] Carter: can. Yeah, mate. Yeah. I've, I've discussed it in other episodes. Um, as far as parenting goes, or as far as even mental health in general goes, everyone has this internal bucket and.

[00:26:12] Carter: All of those buckets are different sizes and, you know, some may be able to handle 2 litres and some may be able to, may be able to handle 200ml, you know, but at various stages of your life, those buckets just get too full and overflow and you just, you need to let it out and you need to figure out a way just to move on from that and, learn each day and be better than, than you were the next day.

[00:26:33] Carter: So as far as your, your anxiety disorder goes, do you, are you very self aware of like your triggers and, you know, if like an anxiety attack is coming on, uh, do you suffer specifically like anxiety attacks or is it kind of like a. A steady stream? Big crashing wave? 

[00:26:53] Breeana: Um, so it's, it's a little bit of both. I'm lucky to have, you know, both of those.

[00:26:58] Breeana: Whereas it's, [00:27:00] it's most of the time it is a very just steady flow of anxiety, where I just feel like I'm constantly on pins and needles. You know, I'm constantly just feeling this This just panic, um, but I, I can definitely tell that when there are certain things that are going to like, just send me over the edge and into a full blown panic attack and being able to like, kind of discuss those things, especially with my two older kids, you know, my seven and six year old, I say older, they're seven and six, but you know, I think that being able to have like open discussions and explaining it to them.

[00:27:40] Breeana: The best that they can understand it has kind of helped them to understand to like, Hey, like mom's not having a good brain day. Like, you know, this is maybe why she's yelling as much or like, and being able to like, explain to the kids, like, Hey, listen, like mama's not. Mama's brain's not being [00:28:00] her friend today.

[00:28:00] Breeana: Like this is why I've kind of been sat on the couch and you've watched 14 episodes of Bluey, you know? 

[00:28:08] Carter: Yeah, Bluey. 

[00:28:09] Breeana: Oh, yeah. Calm 

[00:28:10] Carter: the Aussies. 

[00:28:11] Breeana: Yes. Bandit and Chilly Healer have parented my children. You more times than I should probably admit. 

[00:28:19] Carter: Hey world. You're, you are so welcome for that. Love Australia. 

[00:28:22] Breeana: Yes.

[00:28:23] Carter: Louie. Louie is great. Uh, we also love bluey in this house. Um, turtle boy is a personal favorite and now my son. Won't call turtles anything other than turtle boys. Uh, and it's something that I find incredibly endearing about him. I absolutely love it. And he loves turtles as well. So anytime he sees turtles, he's like turtle boys, 

[00:28:44] Breeana: turtle boys.

[00:28:46] Carter: It's just a, it's just a beautifully crafted show. And it's, you know, it's gentle and educational. There is one criticism that I do have is that a bandit Has received such a cult following [00:29:00] online, uh, in like dad forums, like daddit on Reddit, uh, where everyone strives to be just like him. I don't think any dad should put that ridiculously impossible standard on themselves.

[00:29:15] Carter: No dad can have a full time job and play games that much and go along with everything that his daughters would like to do. Uh, that is just fucking lunacy at its finest. So, you know, it's a great cartoon, but people need to remember that it is just a cartoon and to try to hold themselves to those standards 

[00:29:34] Breeana: because 

[00:29:34] Carter: that can create anxiety in itself.

[00:29:36] Breeana: Oh yeah. Oh, trust me on a bad day. I definitely have looked at those, at those healers and gone, how are they doing this? Like, isn't one of them like an archeologist? Like what the hell? How are they like? Digging up bones and also like have these amazing, like playing these incredible games with these kids all day.

[00:29:57] Breeana: Like what the hell? 

[00:29:58] Carter: Yeah, so I'm not too sure [00:30:00] if you've put the puzzle pieces together, but the two, uh, the, uh, Bandit and Chilly, their jobs are because of the types of dog they are. Um, so one's an archaeologist, digs up bones. And the other one works at the airport, Snifferdog. 

[00:30:14] Breeana: Oh my gosh, that's too funny. I know, I hadn't put that together.

[00:30:18] Breeana: Thank you. 

[00:30:19] Carter: A lot of, a lot of people had not put that together. I only found out about that quite recently. 

[00:30:24] Breeana: Here in the States, we don't have, you know, we don't have the full We don't have Bluey's full catalog, if you will, I mean, some of the stuff has gotten banned, some of the episodes, yeah, some episodes aren't allowed to air, I mean, Disney only, Disney Plus only has certain episodes on it, I believe there's a couple, like, Couple episodes that have been banned or like edited in certain ways, like, you know, the 

[00:30:48] Carter: reasons for, for banning them.

[00:30:51] Breeana: I thought, I thought one of them where they had, we were talking about, I don't remember. I know one, they edited out one of the [00:31:00] ponies shitting and like Disney didn't want a pony shitting, I guess, on their, on their. I'm 

[00:31:07] Carter: in no way hanging shit on you because you can't help where you're from, but fuck me, America.

[00:31:12] Carter: Yeah. Protects kids from the wrong goddamn things. I 

[00:31:15] Breeana: mean, listen, if I could, if I could transport everybody that I cared about to a different country, I would do it in a fucking heartbeat because 

[00:31:25] Carter: Yeah, 

[00:31:25] Breeana: this place fucking sucks 

[00:31:28] Carter: and I'll probably 

[00:31:28] Breeana: get some heat from that, but America fucking sucks. 

[00:31:32] Carter: We try really hard to stay away from, uh, political views and things like that, try to toe the line, but sometimes, you know, you just, you can't help yourself.

[00:31:43] Carter: I'm sure that there are beautiful parts of the country, uh, but I will probably never visit. Uh, cause it's just, it's not worth it to me. I'll go to Canada. 

[00:31:52] Breeana: Listen, it can be aesthetically beautiful all at once, but, uh, she ugly on the inside. 

[00:31:59] Carter: Yeah, [00:32:00] that's it. Uh, so you said that you do discuss your mental health issues.

[00:32:07] Carter: I shouldn't say issue, sorry. Diagnoses with your seven year old and your six year old. Can you run me through a typical conversation that you would have with them? Surrounding a bad mental health day. And also run me through your self care routine. How do you get yourself out of that hole? 

[00:32:24] Breeana: Yeah, well, for me, I've again, like, I've always been really open and honest with my kids about any of my mental health struggles, but obviously explaining it in a way that they can, like, totally understand it.

[00:32:37] Breeana: So, For me, when I start to feel my anxiety presents in anger, when I can't control a situation and I just start to feel really anxious, I get angry and I yell and I lash out and I'm not nice. And that's not a great thing to have, especially as a parent to young children. So for me, when I start to feel like [00:33:00] I'm about to explode and this, my anxiety is past my eyebrows, I'm a tapper.

[00:33:05] Breeana: So I'll go through and they'll see me tapping my fingers or tapping my forehead, you know, different points of my body to kind of just calm myself down. And I remember the first conversation I had with my eldest, Lennon, you know, just was like, Hey, what are you doing? And just sitting there explaining, like, sometimes my feelings just feel too big.

[00:33:26] Breeana: And I feel like I can't hold on to them anymore. And I feel like they're just going to come out in a way that they shouldn't. So I tap to help myself kind of focus my energy on that instead, and being able to kind of regulate, fix it. And she's like, well, does that always work? No, not always, but it helps a lot of the time, you know, and being able to explain that to her has really opened a lot of doors, especially for her to kind of talk about her own.

[00:33:57] Breeana: Issues and struggles that she's having, [00:34:00] you know, as a as a kid growing up in today's society. 

[00:34:03] Carter: Yeah. Yeah. I can imagine that mental health as a, as a young kid going to school over there would definitely play a part in in most people's lives. So I think being open and honest as far as your journey in mental health goes with.

[00:34:19] Carter: With your school aged children is absolutely key to surviving, surviving life in a place like that. I can't imagine it. I live in a small country town just outside of Melbourne, Victoria, and there's like 3000 people and. Like, we don't have to lock our doors. We leave the car keys in the car. And now that I've said that, and I'm gonna air that to the bloody world, that car's gonna get stolen overnight.

[00:34:47] Carter: I might have to edit that part out. But, you know, we're, you know, we're going to let our daughter walk to school. And it's about a kilometre. And we don't really have, Any worries surrounding that let alone [00:35:00] surviving a school day. So it truly must be a horrendous thing to go through. I'm sure the rates of homeschooling, uh, exponential there now due to the current, you know, crisis.

[00:35:12] Carter: I 

[00:35:12] Breeana: mean, it's something, something that I've considered, you know, when my daughter started kindergarten, she went virtually. And she had such an incredible experience. I mean, just wonderful. And then she went back to, she went to in person for her first grade year. And it was just like this whole shift in her just happened.

[00:35:37] Breeana: And I mean, she, It wasn't a big shift, you know, it was little things at first, but it's, you can definitely see there's a difference in the way that she presents herself now and the way that she, you know, works through certain things now. And I remember she came home crying, it was maybe the second week of, of her first year in person and she came [00:36:00] home crying and I had asked her, you know, babe, what happened?

[00:36:02] Breeana: And they had practiced, um, They call them the Incredibles in their old school, the Incredibles was the name of the drill, and I'm going to try not to get emotional. I apologize. 

[00:36:15] Carter: That's all right, mate. I'm right there with you. But it 

[00:36:16] Breeana: is, um, how they teach the kids, um, crises like situations. So Mrs.

[00:36:25] Breeana: Incredible is when they would toss the kids out the window in order to keep them safe. Or Dash is teaching the kids to run as fast as you can away from the situation. Or Violet was teaching the kids how to hide so that no one could see them. Mr. Incredible was teaching these kids to throw, throw whatever they could get at the bad person.

[00:36:53] Breeana: And my daughter came home. In tears, just in tears, [00:37:00] because she didn't understand why, why someone would want to hurt her and her friends. And that was probably, probably the most horrific, but necessary conversation I had to have with her. 

[00:37:21] Carter: Yeah. I mean, thank, thank you so much for sharing that, you know, that's a horrible, horrible thing to have to discuss with any human being, let alone a child.

[00:37:33] Carter: And I just, I don't, I don't understand why there's not more being done, um, to stop it from happening. You know, you go to school, you send your kids to school to become the best versions of themselves so they can run the country, they're of age, and it's failing, it's not, it's not working, and that's, it's so horrible to hear about the fact that they have [00:38:00] had to create these tactics and then attribute them to superheroes to try and make them, you know, Somehow fun?

[00:38:10] Carter: That's, that's just, it's fucking sickening. It's so upsetting and it's, it's something that I just, I just will never understand. You know, I was, I was a kid when Port Arthur happened and I still remember the gun buyback scheme and I think I have seen like maybe Three or four guns in my life since then, uh, apart from police that carry them.

[00:38:36] Carter: So it's just not a part of our culture anymore. It's, it, it just isn't. And, and I am so, so happy that that's the case. You know, we still have gun violence here, unfortunately, but not, not to the, not to the extent of America. Anyways, we'll, we'll try to get off that because it is a very, very, uh, hot button topic.

[00:38:57] Carter: And I don't, I don't [00:39:00] want to, uh, upset everyone that's listening. I, I think everyone will probably shed a bit of a tear over that story because it's just, it's truly devastating that any, Any parent or child would have to go through that. Is there anything else that you would like to discuss specifically?

[00:39:15] Breeana: Oh, I mean, I feel, I feel like we've, uh, we've talked about a lot. We've covered a fair bit of ground. We've maybe pissed a couple people off, you know, 

[00:39:26] Carter: we, we just may have, but that's okay. I, I kind of apologize, but kind of don't, you know, the, the really important part of this podcast is to keep it as real as possible.

[00:39:38] Carter: And, um, You know, try to, try to have the discussions that no one really wants to have. Uh, so I do appreciate, uh, you sharing those things with me, no matter how hard they were. Now, as, as, as far as your day to day life goes, uh, what are some tips, tricks, uh, what are your go to self care? [00:40:00] Routines. What are the things that fill your, uh, happiness cup?

[00:40:05] Carter: What are the things that keep you going? 

[00:40:07] Breeana: Yeah. So for me, I think the biggest thing is knowing, you know, knowing when you need that minute and like just being unapologetically like, Aware and like unapologetically asking for that time. So when I am starting to feel that those feelings of anxiety and overwhelmed and like, I'm going to blow, I'm able to look at, especially, you know, look at my older kids and be like, Hey, like we're on spring break right now.

[00:40:37] Breeana: And it's only Wednesday and I've had to take a few minutes, but being able to look at, look at my kids and say, Hey, mom needs a five and I will take my butt. And I will go sit outside on the porch with the pup and I will just read for five minutes and even if I can hear the chaos that is happening inside [00:41:00] and everyone is screaming and somebody's crying and somebody touched somebody, I have those five minutes where I can get lost in my book.

[00:41:08] Breeana: And just be outside and take in some fresh air and that's, that's the biggest thing for me, even if it's freezing cold and snowing and miserable, being able to like, just inhale fresh air and have that escape. is just so helpful. 

[00:41:26] Carter: Yeah, that's um, it's super important to be able to take that time for yourself.

[00:41:31] Carter: Uh, my wife and I do a tap out method. Uh, if I'm especially heightened, I tap out. I'll just say to her, Hey, I've, I can tap out and she'll, she'll, it'll be mom to the rescue and I'll go to the bedroom and you know, maybe scream into the pillow a bit or have a little bit of a cry or I'll go outside for a smoke.

[00:41:48] Carter: Filthy habit. She shouldn't do it, but I do. 

[00:41:51] Breeana: My husband does it too. You're not alone. 

[00:41:52] Carter: Yeah, yeah. At least wear old school and smoke cigarettes. None of this vaping 

[00:41:58] Breeana: bullshit. Oh, no. I think [00:42:00] if you vaped, I think if you vaped, it might be, it might be a deal breaker. 12 years might go down the drain if you vaped.

[00:42:07] Carter: I've realized that I'm actually, you know, I'm 36 now, but I've realized that I'm, I'm not young anymore because, you know, youngins these days refer to cigarettes as analog vapes. 

[00:42:19] Breeana: Oh, stop it. They do not. 

[00:42:21] Carter: Yeah, it's, it's something I heard not too long ago and I was like, that's just ridiculous. That's, that's silly

[00:42:28] Carter: It's 

[00:42:28] Breeana: huge. I'm telling you, they're just, 

[00:42:30] Carter: yep. They've taken over. And, you know, there's, I, I find myself watching TikTok sometimes and there's, you know, new vernacular that I don't understand and everyone in the comments is using it. Riz Riz is the new one, uh, which is like, uh, you know, you've got game 

[00:42:47] Breeana: Riz, you're, 

[00:42:48] Carter: uh, charming.

[00:42:49] Carter: Riz RI double Z. And, uh, that's the new thing going around at the moment. And I, I just, I, yeah, I don't get it. And now I realized that, you know, 

[00:42:58] Breeana: no, it's Ritz. I've got [00:43:00] no ideas. 

[00:43:01] Carter: Oh, Ritz cracker. Yeah. But I'm, I'm starting to realize that I'm, I'm, I'm becoming the old guard now. I'm not a part of the. The fresh and hip generation, uh, even though I'm always going to think and feel like I'm cool.

[00:43:15] Carter: And now I understand my parents when I was growing up and they thought they were cool. And I was like, you are so embarrassing. And I, for one, am really, really excited to live that phase of my life where I can just embarrass the shit out 

[00:43:29] Breeana: of you. Oh yeah. It's so fun. It is. 

[00:43:33] Carter: It's going to be great. I still remember to this day and it still mortifies me to this day.

[00:43:37] Carter: There was like a main street of the town that I grew up in and we would walk past a music shop that sold CDs at the time was called Sanity and I would be with my mum. It'll be after school. My friends would all be down the main street hanging out and I'd be walking past with my dear old mum and she'd grab my hand and start dancing in the middle of the street to like Lou [00:44:00] Bega's Mambo No.

[00:44:00] Carter: 5 and I, yeah, I still just remember, I remember the feeling. I remember the feeling of, Illness deep from within and just thinking I will never forgive you for this. You rude bitch. I look back on it so fondly now because my mum passed away in 2015 and you know, those are the lasting memories that, that I have of her.

[00:44:24] Carter: So yeah, I can't wait to make those memories of horror for my children. It'll be, it'll be absolutely brilliant. Yeah, I can't wait. 

[00:44:33] Breeana: It's so fun. My daughter is, I, I have embarrassed her a couple of times now, just through drop off at school. We, I'll put the windows down and I'll blast some like backstreet boys and I'll sing it at the top of my lungs as she's getting out of the car.

[00:44:51] Breeana: And you know, her principal will start giggling and sometimes even singing along with me, but then I could just see her. Just mom, please. God, [00:45:00] don't do it again. Please. No, my friends are going to think I'm a such a weirdo. 

[00:45:05] Carter: What music is a seven year old into? 

[00:45:08] Breeana: Oh, she, all of them right now are obsessed with Taylor Swift.

[00:45:12] Breeana: That's like, that is the big, you know, hot, hot jam is some Taylor Swift. We're no stranger to T Swift 

[00:45:20] Carter: in this house, at least. 

[00:45:22] Breeana: Oh, yes. We're all about the anti hero right now. That's 

[00:45:25] Carter: funny. My kids are super, super sensitive to any type of music that I play. I am massive on like cheesy 90s pop bangers. Uh, so you know, Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Five, The Witch, Spice Girls.

[00:45:39] Carter: Anything like that. I will play it probably a little bit too much. I am definitely a product of the nineties and I am definitely always going to be stuck in the nineties. It's just such a nostalgic decade. You know, it was the last decade before the technological breakthroughs of the internet and the digital era.

[00:45:59] Carter: [00:46:00] And, you know, I just get the warm fuzzies of, of, you know, All of those types of things. So yeah, the music definitely comes part and parcel with, uh, the age group we are in, but yeah, my kids get super upset about it. They, they go, we don't like this one and I'll keep singing it. And then 10 seconds later, they'll be actually crying, like, shut up, dad.

[00:46:19] Carter: So 

[00:46:20] Breeana: it's 

[00:46:20] Carter: not as fun when they actually get properly upset over it. 

[00:46:24] Breeana: Oh yeah, no. Then you're like, oh man, I feel like a jerk now. Then you've got to turn it off and you're like, I'm sorry that I just wanted to relive my childhood for five minutes. 

[00:46:33] Carter: Then I have to spend the next half an hour singing, uh, let it go from frozen to my daughter or the bear is now asleep by the wiggles to my son.

[00:46:43] Carter: So that's, that's the two go tos to make them happy. 

[00:46:47] Breeana: No, I have to put on the, uh, the Pokemon theme song. That one gets my son to chill the beans a little bit. 

[00:46:53] Carter: Hey, at least that's a 90s pop banger as well. 

[00:46:56] Breeana: Yeah, that's true. That is true. [00:47:00] And then Taylor Swift for the girls. 

[00:47:03] Carter: My eldest is turning four in two days.

[00:47:06] Carter: Uh, so they're still a little too young to really flesh out their choice of genre. As far as music goes, they're still very much about the Wiggles and all of, you know, Blippi's songs and stupid crap. 

[00:47:19] Breeana: Well, thank God I have, we do not have Blippi children. Thank goodness. 

[00:47:23] Carter: Oh, look, they're trying to go out of it.

[00:47:25] Carter: The new one is Handyman Hell. It's like Blippi, but a bit more tolerable. I'll say a bit, a bit more tolerable, 

[00:47:32] Breeana: a bit more tolerable. 

[00:47:34] Carter: Yep. But yeah, I mean, look at the end of the day, we're parents and we're just, you know, trying to kick goals and 

[00:47:40] Breeana: that's it, 

[00:47:40] Carter: mate. Yep. Uh, it's a, it's just a matter of holding on for dear life and, uh, riding the roller coaster.

[00:47:47] Carter: Try to get a few laughs along the way, you know. 

[00:47:50] Breeana: Absolutely. 

[00:47:51] Carter: Well, Brianna, thank you so, so much for joining me today. I really appreciate it. And yet again, sorry for being late and sorry for not [00:48:00] being as prepared as I should, but I think, uh, I think it was a good chat and thank you so much for sharing, uh, some, Some horrific, uh, upsetting and traumatic things with me.

[00:48:11] Carter: Uh, I really appreciate that. And I, you know, I definitely will come away from this with a, a different view that I've never been able to have before by talking so candidly about such a horrible circumstance. So I appreciate your honesty and your openness for that. 

[00:48:28] Breeana: Of course. Thank you so much for. Making time for me today and, you know, I appreciate your willingness to have these kinds of discussions.

[00:48:37] Breeana: You know, a lot of people don't, don't want to talk about it or refuse to talk about it. And I just think being able to talk about what's really happening here in the States and. Having that moment of, you know, candidness can maybe open a couple more hours. Yeah, 

[00:48:55] Carter: definitely. All right, mate. Well, I will leave you to your day [00:49:00] and I am going to go pass out.

[00:49:02] Breeana: Go get some sleep. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:49:06] Carter: It's definitely time for nine eyes. I reckon my baby will probably be awake in like half an hour for a bottle anyway. So we'll see what happens. Thanks again, mate. You have a good one. All right. Stay safe. 

[00:49:16] Intro: You too. Take care. 

[00:49:17] Carter: Bye. 

[00:49:19] Intro: Wake up. It's another day. I'm trying to find a way to make it so my life's a better place.

[00:49:30] Intro: If there's one thing I see, then the only thing is me. Just knowing that. I'm trying to make a change. Can I put it all on me? Responsibilities And all the other nonsense Coming by repeatedly But there's one thing I know Just knowing to let go Just knowing that I'm trying [00:50:00] to make a change